We're all clear on what we're supposed to do in order to be happy. Get the right job. Check. The right partner. Check. The right house. Check. So how come so many of us get all this stuff (or come close enough) and still can't relax and enjoy our life?
What many of us are missing is peace of mind. Unfortunately (or fortunately) this is not something you can buy in the designer department at Neiman-Marcus or build from carefully chosen lumber from Home Depot. Peace of mind means we like ourselves and we like other people; we feel safe in the world and trust ourselves.
No one I've ever met lives in such a place all the time, but we can all live here more-and-more. This column explores some ways to do so.
Photo by Ben White on Unsplash
Religion
There are more LGBT-friendly religions around to choose from than ever-before. Religion offers you a structure in which to pursue your inner peace. It also offers a community of fellow seekers. This is no small thing: to be part of a community seeking inner peace can be powerful. For some of us, this kind of structure may be a good fit, for others, it's too constricting. If you're looking for a community to support you and with whom you can share the highs and lows of a journey towards peace, a church, mosque, temple or religious community may be helpful.
Meditation
Meditation has often been portrayed as some big mysterious thing. The truth is, meditating is about being quiet and listening to yourself. Period. Your thoughts can drive you crazy - have you noticed? Meditation is simple: the hard part is just slowing down enough to do it. There are lots of different ways to meditate and there are several LGBT-friendly meditation groups here in San Diego County you can check out. The real benefit of meditation - whatever type you try - is that it helps you slow down and see what you're thinking and what's going on with you internally. This greatly increases your access to feeling peaceful and contented more of the time.
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Cognitive therapy and affirmations
In some ways, cognitive therapy and doing affirmations are similar: both help you experience more peace of mind by replacing disturbing thoughts with neutral or positive ones. A simple cognitive technique is "thought replacement": you notice your thoughts, stop thinking the destructive ones and replace them with neutral or positive ones. Saying affirmations is similar: you repeat positive thoughts so they gradually replace your old, habitual negative thoughts.
What is a spiritual path and what does it have to offer? Most of us start on a spiritual path because we want a way out of our misery...we're tired of suffering. We want happiness and peace of mind. Most of my clients on a spiritual path have some sort of structure that supports their process of questioning and discovery: they may meditate, pray, go on silent retreats, etc. One good place to start on your own path is a book like Jack Kornfield's "A Path with Heart" or Pema Chodron's "The Places That Scare You." Yoga, chi gong, gardening, hiking in nature and even good ole' psychotherapy can be components of a spiritual path.
Without asking the right questions, we may foolishly believe that our happiness lies in external events or people that we cannot control. To find peace of mind we need to do inner work: it's a journey into yourself. You have your whole life to enjoy this journey, so relax. It's like growing a flower: you plant a seed, water it, care for it and allow it to unfold in its own time, or you can get out there with a knife and try to force the flower petals to open faster. Peace of mind is the same way: we plant seeds of peace and contentment, water them with prayer, meditation and whatever nurtures us, and allow it to unfold. And, when we do the work, it will...
About the Author
Michael Kimmel is a psychotherapist in San Diego, Calif. His website Life Beyond Therapy assists individuals and couples in their continued growth and development.
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Fortunately, there is a whole class of herbs that are able to assist us in times like this! These herbs are called adaptogens. To be considered an adaptogen, an herb has to meet three criteria: it must be relatively non-harmful (meaning minimal potential side effects), it must help the body to resist stress, and it must have a normalizing effect on the body’s regulatory systems. Many adaptogens also have other associated potential benefits, but meeting those three criteria is the main benchmark.
A few examples of adaptogens, some of which you may have come across before, are ashwagandha, ginseng, rhodiola, holy basil, eleuthero, cordyceps mushroom, and schisandra. One note about ginseng is that it has been overharvested to the point where United Plant Savers lists it as an at-risk plant. Fortunately, there are so many others to choose from! Today I’ll focus on two of my current favorite adaptogens to work with: holy basil and schisandra.
Photo by Holy basil, also often called tulsi, makes a lovely cup of tea and can also be worked with as a tincture or even in your cooking. It has a spicier, peppery flavor compared to the sweet basils we are used to in pestos, and I love to add it to stir fries or soups. It’s easy to grow and has beautiful purple flowers that the pollinators in your garden will thank you for. Besides being an adaptogen, I have also found holy basil to be a great plant ally to turn to when I’m feeling a bit blue and need a boost. It always has a light, uplifting effect on my mood. It’s also helpful for digestive troubles, and pairs well with other herbs such as lemon balm and ginger to settle one’s stomach.
Schisandra has berries that are referred to as the Five Flavor Fruit because they are thought to taste sweet, bitter, salty, pungent, and sour - all at the same time. These berries are most commonly found for sale in a dried form, but the plant is a hardy perennial if you are interested in experimenting with growing your own. I like schisandra as a little boost when I am feeling low-energy and need some help to make it through the week.
Schisandra’s berries can be chewed and eaten as is (herbalist Katja Swift talks about eating ten berries per day for one hundred days as she feels schisandra helps her cope with her sugar cravings) or they make a yummy addition to your herbal tea blend. Another fun way to bring schisandra into your life is by infusing a few ounces of the dried berries into a bottle of wine for a week or two, then strain out and enjoy. This is best done with a sweeter wine to complement the sourness of the berries.
If you’re interested in diving deeper into this topic, David Winston’s book Adaptogens: Herbs for Strength, Stamina, and Stress Relief is an excellent resource. And perhaps you can enjoy a delicious cup of holy basil tea as you read!
About the Author
Sara Schuster is a community herbalist and medicinal herb farmer. You can find her classes, podcasts, and herbal products at FoxandElder.com.
After the last 2 years of dealing with the pandemic and packing on those COVID pounds here are some motivational quotes that can be the spark plugs to our wellness engines. You can have a full tank of gas, a clean carburetor, all the fluids topped off, and 300 horsepower of Detroit’s finest under the hood, but you’re going nowhere without that initial spark. In your quest for well-being, you need a catalyst to move you from idle to ideal. Here are some motivational jolts to inspire you to get your health and fitness vehicle moving.
Make time for exercise each day
Photo by Victor Freitas on UnsplashThomas Paine said, “The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.” You will have conflicts with making time for exercise each day. The treadmill will conflict with your enjoyment of the living-room couch and its fluffy pillows. Your body will engage in conflict with dumbbells and exercise balls as it seeks better health. Embrace these conflicts with excitement, and walk through the smoke and fire. Triumph is waiting on the other side.
Marathon runners
Photo by Miguel A. Amutio on UnsplashJohn F. Kennedy said, “Things do not happen. Things are made to happen.” The firefighter’s 55-pound weight loss did not just happen one day on a call. The computer programmer’s success in the Chicago Marathon did not just happen on a Sunday in October. The 4th grade teacher’s significant drop in cholesterol level did not just happen the day before spring break. These people made things happen…and it took time.
Ralph Marston of The Daily Motivator website, wrote, “What you do today can improve all your tomorrows.” Let today be the first day in 28 years without a cigarette. Stay an extra five minutes on the recumbent bike at the gym today. Start training today for the three-day breast cancer walk that is scheduled for the fall. Tomorrow is always waiting to see what you put in your piggy bank today. Invest wisely and watch the dividends grow.
Full Moon
Photo by CHUTTERSNAP on UnsplashJill McLemore once said, “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you will land amongst the stars.” Set that goal to trim 75 pounds from your body. Only losing 42 pounds puts you way out there with the North Star. Aim to run 750 miles this year. Coming up 68 miles short will still put you past that former planet Pluto and on your way to the Orion constellation. Dropping eight waist sizes by Christmas instead of the projected 10 will let you glow with the luminescence of several brilliant wonders in the sky. By the way, I think there’s a full moon tonight!
Zig Ziglar stated, “You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.” Tom Cruise was another aspiring pretty face in Hollywood about 30 years ago before starting to audition for parts in TV shows. Jared Fogle was a morbidly obese college student at Indiana University in the 1990s before beginning his Subway diet. Mark Zuckerberg was just another starry-eyed Ivy Leaguer until he began to implement a social network idea. They all have that common bond: They started something.
These motivational quotes should help get your wellness engine running and once your car is started there’s no telling where your health and fitness can go. Don't forget to end me a postcard when you get there!
This health and fitness article is brought to you by that guy who’s sneaky like a black hole and bright like a nebula. My name is Ron Blake and I can be found playing with my telescope at rblake5551@hotmail.com.