Although we’re moving toward a more diverse, inclusive, and accepting world, sometimes it seems this is happening at a snail’s pace. Body image, in particular, is a primary topic in the discussion about what’s keeping us divided.
Unfortunately, society has conditioned many of us to attach our self-worth and self-esteem to the number we see on the scale. As a result, we’re allowing the way we look and the comments others make about our weight and bodies to define who we are. And that’s just not okay.
Fortunately, we can change the narrative by embracing our individuality, promoting body positivity, and adopting the mindset that every one of our bodies is beautiful, complex, and worth appreciating.
Here’s how to embrace individuality through body positivity.
Photo by Womanizer Toys on Unsplash
Learn to Accept Who You Are
The core of body positivity is accepting who you are. But we must consider how forcing acceptance of one’s physical body can actually be harmful.
For example, the body positivity movement can potentially neglect a trans person's desire to change their body to align with their gender identity. Instead of saying that we should accept what we look like and move on, we should encourage each other to step into who we are, even if that means changing our bodies to align with our gender identities.
You might also want to get cosmetic surgery, change your hair, wear makeup, switch your style up, or something different entirely. Whatever you have to do to accept who you are, do it. That’s how the body positivity movement must evolve.
Next, if you’re considering embarking on a weight loss journey, be sure you’re doing it for yourself.
Lose Weight for You
Weight is an all too familiar subject in the body positivity conversation. Unfortunately, unrealistic beauty standards influence so many people to lose weight for the wrong reasons and in an unhealthy manner.
In addition, it seems that losing weight would have a primarily positive impact on anyone, from boosting self-esteem to healthier sleep to pain relief.
But weight loss can also have adverse effects on our mental, physical, and emotional health. For example, you can start to feel like you didn’t quite get the results you thought you would, or your anxiety and fear could flare up so much that it causes an eating disorder.
Bottom line, if you want to lose weight, do it for yourself and no one else. Work on embracing all stages your body goes through during a weight loss journey. Make the best decisions for your health and wellness goals and forget about society's thoughts.
You can also embrace your individuality through body positivity by focusing on your mindset and emotional health.
Photo by Darius Bashar on Unsplash
Focus on Your Mental Health
Nurturing your mental health is critical when embracing individuality through body positivity. Being a part of the LGBTQ+ community means navigating unique challenges and experiences that influence your feelings about yourself.
To come out of those difficulties and experiences positively, you must take care of your mental health. What we put out into the world reflects our internal dialogues and how we feel about ourselves.
So, make sure you’re filling your head and heart with good things to help you become even more comfortable with who you are and how you view your body. Enlist the help of mental health professionals to get the tools and support you need to strengthen your mental and emotional well-being.
Lastly, surround yourself with others embracing their bodies and individualism.
Surround Yourself With Others Embracing Individuality and Body Positivity
If we’re honest, our support systems are integral to how we survive and thrive in this world. When you have a circle of friends and family that support you being you, it makes a difference in the way you view yourself and your place in this world.
You can use social media platforms to grow your support system. Join groups and connect with others embracing individuality through body positivity. You can also attend events, engage in activities, and socialize in person to deepen your relationships with those that want to build a body-positive, inclusive community.
Your professional relationships should also support your individuality and push for body positivity. For instance, see if you can get a trans-affirming doctor as your primary care physician. They aren’t talked about enough, but there are various resources for trans people seeking primary care from a physician who genuinely supports and has experience caring for individuals in the LGBTQ+ community.
Ultimately, the people you’re around the most influence how you think, feel, and behave. Be sure your circle is full of people embracing their individuality and promoting body positivity that extends to every branch of the LGBTQ+ community.
Conclusion
Embracing individuality through body positivity is one of the best things you can do for yourself and those around you. You’ll never truly know peace until you become comfortable in your own skin, accepting of your flaws, and overjoyed with every part of who you are. So, embark on your life’s journey with the utmost love for your body and individualism.
Bisexuality
Rarely are the words, “I’m bi,” heard. Whether on TV, film or even from friends and family, it’s almost nonexistent. Coming out as gay is thought to be brave; a pivotal moment in someone’s life. Coming out as bi, however, is often met with rolled eyes, being viewed as a sexual object, and even with the chant, “Bi now, gay later.” Being bisexual isn’t heralded as brave: it is often treated as if it isn’t even a real thing!
Many well-known blogs have used the purple analogy to explain bisexuality. Purple is known as its own color and not half red, half blue. There are even several shades of purple, some with more red or some with more blue. The same exists in bisexuality, where attraction can be fluid. Some can be hetero- or homo-romantic (meaning that when it comes to establishing romantic relationships they are primarily attracted to members of the opposite sex, or same-sex, respectively) but do enjoy physical, sexual contact with someone of different sex than their partner. Some can be polyamorous and even cohabitate with both sexes. And others decide on their romantic and sexual partners freely, a person to person decision based on what about the individual might tickles their fancy.
Understanding bisexuality
Photo by Isi Parente on UnsplashWhile bisexuality, on the surface, should be welcomed as yet another beautiful way of living—loving hearts and not parts, if you will—bisexuality is often viewed in a not so great light or simply swept under the rug by both the straight and broader lesbian and gay communities.
I asked men and women who identify as bisexual to help us take a look at what it means to be a shade of purple in the big world of pink and blue. It should be noted, and of some concern, that most did not want to be identified by full name, or to use a photograph, in order to avoid judgment from one community, the other, or both, or even because of the risk of losing their jobs and family.
Being Bi
Sorting through the responses to our questions on bisexuality, early feelings of attraction for both sexes was a common theme. Most relate it to the same feelings as straight or gay people face. “I’ve known I was bisexual since I was very little,” Emma Frye stated. “I realized I was not attracted solely to one sex as early as I understood attraction. Most people know they’re straight or gay early in life; I was the same with bisexuality”
Some state that they did not recognize their feelings as bisexual, or perhaps did not know there was a name for it, like Lish Rodriquez: “I didn’t know about bisexuality—I just knew that I liked those people. As I grew older and the media picked up more stories about homosexuality and the AIDS/HIV epidemic, it gave me the word ‘bisexual’ to identify with.”
What comes up also, is the difference in fluidity. The majority of respondents were in an opposite-sex marriage and thus present outwardly to the wider world as heterosexual. Out of those people, many refer to themselves as “swingers.” This is a way for them to explore their bisexuality, with or without their spouses’ involvement, while keeping their marriage and families intact.
Taking the “B” out of “LGBT”
Despite its banner of open acceptance, there is a great deal of questioning in the wider lesbian and gay community about the status of the “B,” and just as some have called for the expulsion of the transgender community from LGBT, others are calling for the removal of the “B”.
One Tumblr blog, “Unpopular Opinions,” states, “I think we should take the B out of LGBT. Bisexuals have it way better than most of us in the queer community. They have straight privilege and ride on the coattails of the gay community.”
Turns out, that just as in the transgender community some agree for very different reasons, some bisexuals likewise argue that this just might be a good idea. Recently a YouTuber known as BisexualRealTalk called for the “B” to be taken out of “LGBT.” He concluded that a bisexual looking for support in the LGBT community was ultimately going to have more questions, be left with a greater sense of uncertainty, and come away with a deeper sense of being alone. “Expectation kills,” he says. “The LGBT community is not our friend”
In fact, a major Canadian study published by the San Francisco Human Rights Commission in 2010 called “Bisexual Invisibility: Impacts and Recommendations,” found bisexual men are 6.3 times more likely, and bisexual women 5.9 times more likely, to report having been suicidal than heterosexual people. Bisexuals are also 3-5 times more likely to feel suicidal than gay men and lesbians.
The majority of those we surveyed also felt discrimination from the LGBT community. Rae Schomburg-Hall states, “I receive scorn from most lesbians as they feel I should ‘pick a side’ and I must just need to ‘make up my mind.’” She feels she is seen as “a confused individual. An oversexed person, just looking for fulfillment. Not to be trusted. An interloper. This, coming from a community that heralds inclusion and acceptance is just…just…wrong.”
Views and Perceptions About Bisexuals
Reading through blogs and articles mentioning bisexuality, it doesn’t take long to find the words "greedy," “whore,” or “slut” being heaped upon bisexuals individually or as a group. The belief that bisexuals, regardless of the evidence, aren’t actually, or can’t be, monogamous is another common attitude.
“There are definitely people who think being bisexual means the exact opposite of monogamous, which is kind of hilarious” answers one of our participants. “I think people's sexuality is so personal, and it varies from person to person. Not all of us sleep with everyone, just because we can, although I have had close friends say that I was a whore or a slut because I dated both ‘sides’ from my pool of friends as a young adult.”
R.J. Aquiar, YouTube’s “NotAdam,” has a series he calls “Ask a Bi Guy,” where he addresses many of the perceptions and attempts to use his personal experience to change the attitudes on bisexuality. In response to our questions, he wrote, “There are still so many people out there who can't accept our identity as valid. They're so adamant about sticking to their existing world view, so they'll look for any reason to dismiss us rather than accept this new information that might require them to change their world view. That doesn't necessarily make them bad people, since it's human nature to do that. And it's even more understandable when you look at how much society enforces that gay/straight binary. Most people would, for instance, refer to a male/male or female/female couple as a ‘gay couple’ rather than a ‘same-sex couple’ while a male/female couple is most often referred to as a ‘straight couple’. If you know what to look for, there's bi-erasure all over the place. This can make it really difficult for a bi person to consider coming out since it means having to face all of that adversity head on.”
Men vs Women
Attitudes men versus women concerning bisexuality certainly differ. It is often said that women have it “easier” being bi. The acceptance of a bisexual woman actually involves oversexualizing her. When a woman says she is bi, many men would jump at what they think is a sure-fire way into a threesome. Very rarely is she viewed as a potential monogamous partner.
And if she comes out to a potential same-sex partner? She is often not taken seriously. There is a fear she will want to return to a heterosexual fantasy of husbands, children, and white picket fences in the suburbs. After all, bisexuals are always viewed as having the potential for passing in straight society as an option. One lesbian told us “I’m scared I’ll be hurt by bisexual women, so I won’t mess with them at all”.
Bisexual men do face a different demon, and because of it, very few men will ever come out as bi. Cooper S Beckett—author of “My Life on the Swingset” and “A Life Less Monogamous”—offers personal insight on this. There is “the immediate assumption that I was gay and kidding myself. I've been told it was a phase as well. Straight men don't like bi men, because they're afraid of another man coming along and treating them the way they've traditionally treated women, as someone you could cajole into doing something. They're worried about being cajoled into ‘gay sex.’ I've been told to my face by a gay man that I'm not bi, I'm just on the road to gay town. It's shocking and sad. But I think acceptance is growing.”
Finding a Tribe
There are plenty of online communities to join. Binetusa.org and shybi.com are places to discuss the unique challenges and obstacles bisexuals face. Bisexual.org has a fantastic library of articles, and discussions, and even lists famous people you might not have known were bi. In your local community, look at meetup.org to find bisexual or bisexual friendly meet-ups.
It is much easier to research within the bisexual community than to look in the LGBT community. It is most important to fight for your rights and support others who are questioning or longing for understanding.
“A lot of LGBT experts call bi people ‘the silent majority', since there are likely a lot more bi people out there who would rather hide than come out and deal with all the stigma,” Aguair writes. “Unfortunately, the only way we can change that is for more bi people to live their lives openly, and demonstrate firsthand how much it doesn't have to be that big a deal. It also illustrates how important it is for bi, pan, and other sexually fluid people to come together and form a community to support one another”
Pam Simmons, who has struggled with her bisexual identity for many years, wrote, "The best advice I could give is to find someone you trust and share what you are feeling, how it is affecting you, your fears & doubts. The journey to identifying as bisexual may be a lifelong process. But that’s ok. You define you…. Nobody else. Be true to yourself. And most of all, love yourself.”