Why is dating still a thing? It shouldn't be a thing. I'm exhausted by the idea. I'm reminded the most at this time of year how I’m gonna die alone. I don't have anyone to do a matching costume with. I mean, seriously, where are you?

I feel like the things I want are reasonable. Mostly I want to be left alone unless I need a date to something, or somebody to Netflix and "chill" with, who likes Dr. Who and would be totally down to do themed Halloween costumes with me. However, to get that you have to jump through hoops.

LGBT dating is like applying for a job: either you have to apply on the internet or someone has to recommend you. Dates are like interviews, and considering I’ve never worked a daytime office job in my life, guess how great my interview skills are! I'm basically like: here's an effort at flowers or something … are we cool?

Now ladies don't all jump on me once. I guess I'm lazy when it comes down to it, but aren't we all? I mean, who seriously looks forward to dates? I have to shower, then there’s the arduous task of shaving, putting on makeup, and picking an outfit! Sheesh! I'd honestly rather help fund the Trump campaign than pay for another match making site.

All the effort we go to and for what? Something that’s most likely going to end badly in a few months or years because this generation doesn't really do "forever"—years, maybe a decade. Our generation will be able to live to a hundred but the fifty year marriage seems to be gone.

Maybe I'm a pessimist. I just feel like the beginning stages of dating are awful. Not just the courting, the getting to the courting. The whole flirty texting or messaging back and forth? Good grief! I'm better in person. I spend most of my day thinking of witty shit to message someone on a dating site and suddenly the well has run dry. I'm like "I like dogs, dogs are good!” And … duuuuurrrrr, I hate myself.

Let’s get real. Yes, we all want love but specifically what kind? I have tons of familial and platonic love. My life is pretty full, honestly. I know I bring a lot to the table, so, for me, you've gotta have your shit together. I'm not looking for a train wreck who needs me to pay her bills. With that said, I've dated some train wrecks. What I learned from that is that my life is already pretty full between family and friends so, if I'm breaking my neck to include you, you had better be special. I'm very loyal person, seriously ask our editor, I'm his ride or die chick. What I find is that, at least in my age group, loyalty isn't really a thing. I think it's because we tell half-truths about ourselves, those around us, and what we want.

No one is ever actually looking for what they say they are. I'm definitely a sapiosexual, meaning I’m sexually attracted to intellect. I'm also demi sexual, meaning I have to have an emotional bond to want to have sex. Basically, I'm nerdy, and I don't sleep around. Yeah, I want someone nice, who likes music or whatever.

What I don't say (and never would say) in my dating profiles is I’m into a very specific type of girl. If I said what that was, I'd seem shallow. But, let’s face it, nobody sleeps with your personality at first, but at the end of the day character is what’s important.

I was dating this nurse in Memphis, and when we met in person, she didn't totally look like her picture, if you catch my drift! But I was willing to overlook that because I had already connected with her emotionally … UNTIL I found out she had been seeing her ex-girlfriend the whole time. At that point, I was like "you're gross." Carrying on that way says a lot about your character and none of it is good. So, no she did not get a second chance or even friendship out of me. I don't need friends who behave that way. She left me messages and what not, and I was just like, "Whatever. You're gross"

Another thing I don't say is that I know what a handful I am (not a pun). I'm very outspoken about causes close to my heart. I'm wild, loud and have a lot of baggage (i.e. drugs and stuff). These are things I have no problem talking about here. One-on-one, not so much.

Maybe it’s all worse because I'm so terrible at dating. You probably told me everything about your life, but I probably wasn't listening. Don't get me wrong, I CAN be a very thoughtful, caring person, but honestly years of shady chicks has nearly beaten it out of me. I USED to do really sweet things immediately, but now it takes time … which proves my point: dating shouldn't be a thing.

Why, for the love of god, do we do this to ourselves? I'm sure the other person isn't super fired up either, so why not just be like, "Hey, do you wanna slowly reveal to each other over time how gross we really are? Cool." Because that's all relationships are, essentially: Two people slowly revealing to each other over time how disgusting they are, but with anniversaries and birthdays to remember.

So I've decided what I need to do is start a business with fake girlfriends. You know, someone to take to family functions so you look like you’re in a stable relationship but really you're online hooking up with randos. Everybody wins! Your family is happy, and you're getting as much relationship as you can reasonably tolerate. And sure, it sounds like an escort service, but it’s still less gross than dating.