Technology is just not my thing. I only have a MySpace page because my wife is genius enough to create it for me. So, when I had to put my jet ski on Craig’s List I was more than a little nervous.
I had to figure out how to input text and upload pictures of the ski. It took me about six hours. Not because I’m just that Web site ignorant, but because I stumbled across a feature on Craig’s list called Missed Connections. Ya’ll, I was hooked!
Missed Connections is a section on craigslist.org where if a person spots somebody at Starbucks on a Thursday, wearing a red sweater ordering a caramel latte, they can reach out to the latte lover with a message requesting they contact back.
Now, I’m not making fun of people who are dating. Nor am I making fun of people who see “hot” people places that they go in town and they wish they could meet them. But I am a little shocked at the gall that some people have regarding the messages that they place on this list.
Missed Connections has sections for male looking for female, male looking for male and women looking for women. Of course I started with the good ones - women looking for women. Now, I know lesbians, so I wasn’t at all surprised that a lot of their missed connections happened at Home Depot, car washes and Hooters.
But, I was surprised at the detail that some of them gave when reaching out to their missed connection. Who knew that lesbians could be so poetic? Most of it was a bit trite and they all described how beautiful the eyes of their missed connections were.
“Those beautiful green eyes pulled me in and melted my soul.”
“My heart melted when I looked into those beautiful green eyes.”
Now you can replace green with whatever color you want, but things were melting in these lesbian misses. And the hair stroking desires were also touching.
“I wish I could run my fingers through that beautiful red hair.”
“If I could stroke your hair the way looking at you stroked my heart…” Gawd!!
It became very clear in my unofficial research that most of the lesbos with the missed connections were packers who didn’t have balls enough to say something to their potential love interest face-to-face. I mean poodles don’t melt, they do the melting. And hair stroking is something that happens to them and not something they are doing unless they are laying under a packer and in the middle of a big “O”.
After reading the ladies' writings, I just couldn’t resist checking out the difference in the lesbos and the gaybos. And just as I suspected, there was no male melting. Nope, it was all “You are hot, I am hot, we could be hot.” And a lot of, “Hey, you were with your boyfriend” or “I was with my boyfriend. Want to hook up?"
Come on guys! I’m not judging you, but damn! What if your boyfriend is reading the missed connections and he, too, remembers the hot dude in the red sweater in the porn section of the video store? What then? What if he answers and you show up and then he shows up? Hell, I know in the land of lesbians that would be an all weekend fight.
As far as the straighties' postings, I wouldn't bother looking at them unless you are having trouble sleeping or suspect your mom or dad of having an affair. Snoozefest!
They were cute trying and talking about “How they don’t usually do this sort of thing” and “I’m recently divorced and painfully shy.”
But then I read on and there are a few straighties who are naughty. I found a couple of swingers looking to hook up with a couple that seemed like they also might be swingers. You go straight people - rock it out!
I may not be a technology genius, but I am quite the scholar of the human heart. My advice is that if you see somebody in public who is obviously dating or married to somebody else, leave them alone. If you are supposed to have them, they will come to you. If you can’t muster the courage to speak to somebody face to face when you see them, then you don’t get to meet them.
Go home and practice in the mirror. Grow some balls and take the chance to rock that person’s world. There’s no such thing as a missed connection… only missed opportunities.
Live and Love Equally!