Does 'opposites attract' work in longterm relationships?

Photo by Bruno Martins on Unsplash

Once upon a time I posed a question on my Facebook page about relationships.

I was truly encouraged by the spontaneity of my friends’ responses, and found it hopeful that people in longtime, committed relationships know that love endures in many ways. So often we hear of people longing to be involved with someone and yet perhaps going about it in all the wrong ways.

Photo by Jeremy Bezanger on Unsplash

Below are my question and the responses from Facebook friends, which I’ve included with their permission.

So here’s a question for my friends that are in relationships:

Is it true what they say that opposites attract, or is your partner more like yourself?”

Bradley Houston: Opposites attract, but commonality keeps you together.

Steve Mac: Kind of both, 14 years ago it was all different. Now we are the same in many ways.

Rev. Robert Fleming: Opposites attract always worked for me.

John Eric Campbell: That’s scary to think about ... Jon and I have much in common but our separate interests. Everyone always asks why we have been together for so long. We say, “We ignore each other.”

Steve Mac: It was! But I could not have found anyone better.

Donna: I asked my wife, I said we’re “alike,” she said we’re “opposites.” I said “alike,” she said “opposites.” “Alike!!!!” “Opposites!!!!” Yeah...we’re in therapy now....

Presten Fry: It’s very opposite for me ;)

Steve Wilton: OPPOSITE

Michael C.: Oh honey opposites, who have at least good, awesome sex in common... And then there is this rule of thumb. “A ugly person who goes after a pretty person gets nothing but trouble, but a pretty person who goes after an ugly person gets at least cab fare”*... LOL! (*from Torch Song Trilogy.)

John Scott Fore: Opposites attract and then slowly drive each other insane!

Brent: I don’t want a carbon copy of myself, but yet I don’t want a complete opposite. It should be something in the middle. Expand your horizons and explore your partner’s world! But it’s not all about sex and complete physical attraction, because those things will eventually fade away and then what are you left with? Nothing but being alone. There are more to people than that, and I wish KC would figure that out.....

Mark Manning: My partner Caleb and I recently celebrated 18 years together. When I first met him back in 1991, he was everything I found attractive: dark, Latin, intelligent, a lover of fine food and wine, a good dancer, a musician, college-educated, a lover of books and literature, etc. But otherwise, we are so very different. I see the light, where he sees ... See More the dark. I want to leave the blinds open wide, he wants to close off every little sliver. I say “Yes!” He says, “No!” I like to spend money, he likes to save money. I like to make quick decisions, he likes to think about things for a while. Too long sometimes. More than opposites, he is complementary to me, like orange is to blue, he brings to our relationship special skills I lack, and vice versa. Even after 18 years we are still not bored with each other, even though we see things so differently in the world.

Mark: Hmm Jimmy and I are different. I think if we had more similarities it would be smoother but boring.

Frank Buhro: It may only be going on 14 years for us, but I feel opposites attract and we grow to have more in common. Like Mark Manning said, like orange is to blue, we complement each other. I know that No one is perfect, but he is perfect for me. Thanks for asking the question, John.

Sean Nickell: Mike and I are different in many ways. After 10 years, we have realized we’re probably more different than similar. I love him to pieces, though.

I appreciate the great comments from my Facebook friends. As we recover from the holidays this month, we’ve probably already strayed from our New Year’s resolutions. I propose a new tradition – Valentine’s Day resolutions.

Why not make this year the year to take a chance on finding romance, break out of the mold, maybe even look again at that perfect person you’ve been missing because they are perhaps too opposite for you? And besides, doesn’t it make more sense to make resolutions in February when we’re not as stressed out by the holidays?

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