So, how long are the Nashville writers going to keep Pixie Stick (Scarlett) and Gunnar apart this time? The two are on the road and he is flirting and hooking up with Erin (the tour’s sound engineer), as we expected. It’s either her pissed off about him or him pissed off about her. This song and dance is getting older than old. This nonsense is ancient.

Now, we were lucky to have a few episodes without Rob Thomas, Junior (Markus) but he is back and Rayna is loving the music he’s making in the studio. However, Deacon is playing Mr. Mom at home with Maddie and Daphne and he’s no Mrs. Doubtfire. And Maddie just went up and dyed her hair blonde. And it looks beautiful. Bitch, that was no bottle job and we all know it. No one successfully bleaches their hair at 16. EVER.

But, things are looking up for Maddie. Not only is she starting to look more like Juliette, her concert duet with the rehab Reba has gotten the attention of Sony Music and they want to sign her. Rayna is having none of that and Maddie says her mama can’t stop her and (yawn) storms out. Okay, can we have her do like a couple of attitude snaps or something before stomping out of a room. It’s kind of her signature move now and we need to spice it up.

Puke is making Puke, Junior (Colt) see a shrink and it’s not because the kid’s father is Luke Wheeler, though he should probably address that issue sooner than later. However, this is the fourth shrink Colt has seen, so it might be those deep-seeded daddy issues that come out ten years from now when Colt is dressed as a piggy at a fetish party in Antioch. And all the kid wants to do is to tell the damn truth about how Jeff died.

Will is acting all weird and sketchy and Avery is getting lame studio work playing guitar for tv and radio jingles. When they finally do get to chat, Will has thrown himself into his songwriting, using it to work on his feelings about losing Kevin. He plays the song he wrote for Avery and it seems Wilma has a hit on his hands.

Skinny is feeling nice today and when she goes to Gunnar’s hotel room to see if he wants to go to the venue early, Gunn Gunn and Erin are playing drop the soap in the shower. Scarlett is no longer nice. Dr. Hottiepants is put out because he can’t seem to find time to talk to her since she’s been on tour. Sherpa Boo Boo takes her frustration out on Erin (mentioning she can’t hear herself well in her ear monitor during shows), but Gunnar immediately jumps to Erin’s defense. Oh gees.

As he should, Puke can’t stop asking himself if he has made any wrong decisions since his tour mate is now in rehab, his company CEO is dead and his son is turning into a farm fetishist. He reaches out to Gabriella and she resists him with her usual line of keeping their relationship strictly business. Luke talks her into staying a couple, but they are keeping it on the down low. I am having a hard time keeping up with all of these damn secrets from Puke.

Things aren’t getting any better for Erin. In the middle of the Chex Mixes show, her sound board goes dark and so does most of the power to the stage. While she works frantically to get the equipment up and running, Gunnar and Scarlett go off the grid and start performing acoustically. The crowd actually seems to prefer them performing this way because they have to get close and actually play off one another. The two have raging chemistry and it’s about damn time they let it show on stage.

Not knowing what to do about Maddie and with Deacon completely obsessed with the grand opening and reconstruction of his bar, Rayna turns to Markus for advice. And despite the eye rolling that went on in my house, he actually makes some sense as an artist who got into the business at a young age. But, the two start to make a bit of a connection that is too close for comfort. Oh come on, Nashville writers. Rayna is not going to choose that walking ego in hipster jeans over Deacon. Not all of your audience is as gullible as Layla.

Daph Daph overhears Maddie talking about her potential record deal and is feeling more left out than ever. Her dad is in the clink, she’s getting into fights at school and now her sister won’t be dueting with her any longer. Pretty soon she’ll be smoking pot behind the cafeteria and making out with high school chicks. Then, she WILL be my favorite character.

At the bar, Frankie calls Deacon out on spending all of his free time there when he really she be at home spending time with his fam. Frankie points out that getting the bar built is becoming his “dry drunk.” I almost spit out my wine because I thought he said “dry hump.” I like that better, so we will go with dry hump. And oh Lordy! Deacon is out of control with tearing down a wall – so much so – that he almost brings the ceiling down. For the love of… I am glad I get paid to watch this sometimes.

Scarlett is rounding a corner backstage and overhears Gunnar blessing Erin out for screwing up the show and blowing a bunch of fuses. He essentially tells her to get her shit together or get off the tour. I like this new, assertive Gunnar. Can someone give him my number?

Deacon gets home to find Rayna a bit miffed that he wasn’t able to help her with Juliette, Junior. But not to worry, kids. (Cue drum roll) Rayna has an idea.

Puke decides to have a chat with Colt (why didn’t he think of that earlier?) and tells his spawn about Gabriella being his new boinking partner. Instead of being receptive to the shiny, new, honest Puke, Colt sends him on his merry way. #TEAMPUKEJUNIOR

Avery drags Will out to the Bluebird Café on songwriter’s night and Avery wants to perform Will’s song, but our Wilma (who is becoming just as predictable as Maddie and Juliette) can’t handle it and leaves before show time. Oh – and can I please point out that Will had a parking space RIGHT in front of the Bluebird? That never happens even for the biggest stars. Carrie Underwood has to hike it in heels like the rest of us plebes.

But back to Avery – even though he is singing Will’s song, he keeps flashing back to the good times with Juliette. I am a bit surprised they were able to find enough “good times” footage for the flashbacks. Oh- and a publisher just happened to be in the audience and gave Avery his card to give to the guy who wrote that song. Give me a stinking break. The characters on this show have better luck than even the biggest country music royalty. Scarlett could fart and they’d make it a Platinum single.

In perfect Brady Bunch style, Rayna and Deacon call a family meeting with Mads and Daph Daph. In a nutshell, the parental units tell the girls they are being signed as a duo to Highway 65, Ray Ray’s record label. Daphne is thrilled, Maddie is, well, Maddie about it.

Once D&R have a little bedroom boom boom, Rayna pops up for a shower and Deacon spies a text from Markus on her phone saying “Great talk today. Hope I helped.”

Things don’t get tied up in a neat little bow on the Chex Mixes tour when Erin appears at Gunnar’s hotel room asking for help and begging to stay on the tour. Long story short, they do the parallel polka shortly after. Oh- and Scarlett can hear it from her hotel room below.

Can’t we just keep having Gunnar yell at people? It’s very sexy.

Next, he will yell at Colt, calling him his little piggy.

See also:

NASHVILLE recap: "Three's a Crowd" (season 4 episode 9)

NASHVILLE recap: "Unguarded Moments" (season 4 episode 8)

NASHVILLE recap: "Can't Get Used to Losing You" (season 4 episode 7)