The Predators, who play in real Nashville, are in the Stanley Cup finals tonight and CMT went ahead and aired the new episode of Nashville. Ya' know... because Nashville is SUCH a ratings juggernaut. Since I am the only person in Nashville watching the show Nashville, here is what happened.

Juliette is having some issues with performance anxiety again and HALLELUJAH, her doctor is referring her to a psychiatrist. He thinks she has a dissociative disorder. Um, yeah, she dissociates from anyone who doesn’t think she’s great while she abuses them in the meantime. The doc tells her to avoid stress and cancel her upcoming shows. Good call. We have a Stanley Cup Finals games to watch anyway.

So, Glenn is prepping members of the gospel choir on doing interviews when Juliette calls and tells him she wants to perform at her upcoming concert (the one her doctor told her to cancel) without them. CMT, remember what I said? More Glenn, less Maddie.

So, there is a big Music City Music Festival going on in fake Nashville, which I am going to guess is a poor attempt at replicating CMA Music Fest. Rascal Flatts’ Jay DeMarcus has a pretty wife, Allison DeMarcus, who is playing an entertainment reporter staked out in front of Bridgestone Arena. She is excitedly discussing the festival featuring Juliette’s big return to the stage. Allison is a delightful, nice person and a good actress. Can we have her take Maddie’s place? Please?

Deacon makes his way into the arena for the festival and Zach pulls him aside to discuss firing Bucky. Zach wants to release Maddie’s new single at midnight without any press and then get a bunch of movers and shakers to talk about it on social media so that everyone is knocking down Highway 65’s door by sun up. Bucky doesn’t like the plan because he’s old school, but Maddie loves it. Later, Deacon puts his foot down and tells Zach that Bucky is staying because he’s family. Zach asks him to give it some real thought for the next 24 hours, but not before he tells Bucky what Zach is thinking. While Deacon is mulling this over, can we have CMT think about what a train wreck this show is?

Daphne goes back to the homeless building to visit Liv and takes off with her and several other urchins to roam the streets of fake Nashville. They make their way to a junkyard and sneak in to steal things to resale. Daphne isn’t comfortable with it and stays outside the gate. Not long after the other kids squeeze through the fence, the owners pop out and starts chasing them. Liv tries to climb over the fence and Daphne watches in horror as Liv slips and impales her arm on the barbed wire over the fence.

Scarlett can’t dodge Damien anymore because he’s back in town. When she finally sees him, she cuts to the chase and tells him she’s knocked up with his offspring. When his reaction to the news is downing a double vodka, Scarlett bolts. It seems to work out, though, because when she and Gunnar perform later at the copycat Fan Fair, they are sexual lightning together.

Hallie finds Juliette rehearsing and asks why the gospel choir isn’t needed for her performance and Juliette blames it on her label. She tells Hallie her label doesn’t want her promoting the gospel album at Music City Music Fest. There’s the lying bitch we know and love to hate. Anyway, as Juliette continues to explain her lie to Hallie, she has another dizzy spell.  Hallie sits her down and talks her through it. As she does, Juliette flashes back to being a small child when her father was still alive. I knew it. Juliette also has daddy issues.

Back at the homeless house, Daphne is trying to talk the urchins into taking Liv to the hospital and they aren’t interested and neither is Liv who tells her to scram. Daphne doesn’t leave and later gets Liv’s story. Her parents were drug addicts and her foster parents were abusive drunks. That sounds like the real Nashville music business. Daphne decides to take Liv home with her and doctors her arm and then hides her from Maddie and Deacon.

At the church, the gospel choir is bummed they won’t be performing. Most of them don’t believe Juliette’s story about the label axing them from the festival performance. In rehearsals for that performance, Juliette trips and falls, then goes into another flashback with her as a kid with her father. This time, it’s of her mom griping at her dad for loving Juliette more than her. This could explain Juliette’s rampant selfishness.

After performing at the Music City Music Festival, (every time I type it, I realize how incredibly dumb it sounds) Avery gets an offer from his new manager, Billy, to go on a 20-city tour with somebody named Edward Sharpe. He leaves in just a week and a half. Juliette’s rehearsal fall puts a damper on his plans when she tells him her fans don’t love her anymore. I got news for you sweetie, no one loves a hateful cow.

Juliette’s recollection visions of her father continue in her dreams with her mother ruining special moments with him. Then, it’s her last memory with him driving off and never returning. The next day, we see Hallie visiting Juliette, but she is still disappointed about the choir getting the shaft. And Juliette goes on about herself before realizing Hallie is bummed. When the baby cries, Juliette goes to see about her and Hallie chats with Emily, who unintentionally gives away that the choir being pulled wasn’t the label’s decision. When Juliette returns, Hallie does what EVERY human being on the planet wants- she calls Juliette a “Selfish, narcissistic bitch!” #TEAMHALLIE4EVER

When Avery gets home, Emily has already told him what went down and Juliette asks him if she’s a narcissist. Avery pauses and she tells him to forget it. Um, no, we can’t, Juliette because you are the most overdone soap opera character in the free world and I really wish someone would put just a little bit of imagination into you. Anyway, as usual, Avery (her lap dog) tells her to talk to a shrink and go to the gospel choir and be honest.

Deacon finds the bandages and peroxide used to clean up Liv in the bathroom trash and when he confronts Daphne, he finds the homeless kid. Downstairs, Deacon is trying to explain to Daphne why Liv can’t stay with them. Liv overhears and volunteers to leave, but Deacon sees how much she means to Daph and says the kid can stay until he figures out what to do with her.

As Juliette arrives at the church to eat crow, she has another memory of the day her father died. This time, it’s of her crazy mother saying that her daddy isn’t ever coming home. When the choir ignores her (#TEAMCHOIR), she starts to make a pity party speech and they stop. And listen. JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER TIME SHE HAS HAD TO MAKE A SPEECH TO THEM BECAUSE SHE NEEDS THEM. I am sorry, but this whole gospel choir story line was good, but it is too predictable now. And I can predict they will show up for her performance.

Damien goes to Scarlett and apologizes for being a jerk and then professes his love for her. She doesn’t believe him.

Bucky finds Deacon and quits. Deacon tries to talk him out of it, but Bucky claims it was his idea as we see Zach lurking in the background. Bucky explains he can’t let Deacon sacrifice Highway 65 for him. It does seem a bit obvious that Zach might have coaxed Bucky into leaving regardless.

After realizing Juliette is still a piping hot mess, Avery tells Billy he can’t go on tour and further crushes his own dreams in order to make her happy. Speaking of the dream crusher, she is freaking before her performance because the choir isn’t there. As I expected earlier, they show up. Before she goes onstage, her flashback finishes with her father coming to her as sort of a guardian angel. He tells her he is always with her and that he never left. After hesitating before making her way onstage, Juliette performs the song “I’m On My Way.”

While the Preds lost a very ugly playoff game to the Penguins tonight, I can’t say fake Nashville did much better, though we didn’t see much of Maddie, so there are silver linings.

See also:

NASHVILLE recap: "(Now and Then There's) A Fool Such As I" (Season 5 Episode 14)

NASHVILLE recap: "Til I Can Make It On My Own" (Season 5 Episode 13)

NASHVILLE recap: "Back In the Saddle Again" (Season 5 Episode 12)