Zach is leaving Nashville (and probably the show) because he is going to run for a Senate Seat in California. If only this were real life. We need more progressives like Zach in the US Senate. We need more people with a brain and heart in the Senate.

Juliette is boobs deep in the cult and tries to get Avery to meet Darius. When she finally gets him to Cult HQ, he, like the rest of those with a general degree of intellect, aren’t buying any of Darius’s crap. On the way home, Avery tries to explain to Juliette that it’s not his thing and she just rolls her eyes and blows off his opinion. Yeah, that cult is really making Juliette into the same person she has always been.

The Justin Bieber clone, Jonah, has invited Maddie to a club and when she gets upstairs to the VIP area, he introduces her to his friends, who are kind of creepy. They offer her an alcoholic beverage, but Maddie is a good girl unlike every teenager in America and wants a Coke. YAWN. Maddie is no longer a virgin, CMT. Let her have a drinkie like every other 18 year old in the country. She’s not a good girl. She’s not interesting either, but she’s not a good girl.

Deacon is still trying to hide his relationship with Jessie from Daphne and Daphne in turn is giving him attitude about the whole shebangitty. Then, he goes to literally the worst person in Nashville for advice on relationships: Scarlett. Yeah, Scrawny is a shining beacon of relationship advice, Deacon. You would be better off talking to Darius. Anyway, Deacon is struggling with his feelings for Jessie because she isn’t Rayna.

At the recording studio, Maddie is adding her vocals to one of Jonah’s tracks. When they leave, to grab a slice at Soulshine Pizza, they are bombarded by paparazzi and fans. They are rushed to a waiting vehicle and along with Jonah’s creepy, acne-bedazzled entourage, make their getaway. I literally feel dumber after seeing that scene. Remind me again, is there a point to Maddie being on this show?

Scarlett is stepping away from music for a bit and is trying to find something else to do. Diction lessons seem like a good first step. Later, we see her taking an interest in equine therapy for teens. No, that isn’t made up and involves horses helping humans. I am down for that. Put Scarlett on a horse and ride her off into the sunset to never be seen or (THANK YOU JESUS) heard from again.

Will pays an awkward visit to Highway 65 to see Zach, who is packing up his office. And… Zach’s sometimes-squeeze Mark is there helping. When Mark steps out, they get down to brass tacks and our sweet Wilma says he just needs some closure. It is obvious they are both still in love.

Deacon has started acting weird towards Jessie because of the whole Daphne thing. When Jessie reaches out to him to say she is there for him, he blows her off.

Back in Cultland, Juliette is all harmonious and crap with her fellow cultees and Darius asks her if she would ever just be a singer for the joy of it and not for the fan adoration. The manipulation continues…

Will is redirecting his anger and hurt into working out. Oh Lort, CMT, if you introduce some weird steroid addiction plotline, I’m out. I’m throwing up my hands and praying you will jump the shark. But, thankfully, no- not yet anyway. Will picks up a hottie at the gym and brings him home for some good, old fashioned, hot sloppy revenge sex. Things get hot and heavy, but Will can’t seem to perform.

Maddie is all whiney because photos of her and Jonah have surfaced on the internet because she is pretty and famous and dating Justin Bieber’s fictional twin. (EYE ROLL) Fortunately, Maddie’s complaining ends and Deacon tries to clear the air with her and Daphne by discussing Jessie. Though both girls say they want him to be happy, Daphne is a stinking little liar. Later, when Deacon calls Jessie, she kind of blows him off. Ya know, the way he did with her?

Will goes to the doctor for his erectile dysfunction and the doctor suggests it could be depression associated with his breakup with Zach. Well, we didn’t need to bring in a doctor to tell us that.

Oh good, more Maddie should make me want to stab myself in the head. Anyway, she is at the recording studio waiting on Jonah when she starts chatting with one of his entourage lackeys (whose name is Twig.) Twig explains that Jonah actually picked on him when they were kids until he stood up for himself. When Jonah finally arrives, Maddie tries to break it off with him, but he talks her into giving him a chance. Can we bring Clay back? He was interesting and mysterious and had a good storyline. But, wait, CMT gets rid of anything remotely like that on this show.

When Juliette tells Avery she is going to dedicate herself to the cult, Avery continues to express his doubts. Instead of listening to the man who knows her best, she heads over to the cult the next morning even though Avery insists he is worried about her.

…Oh LAWDY, I called it. Will has been ‘roiding up and the doc tells him to cut that crap out. I’d be happy to slap him around, too, but for other reasons. The physician offers to help get him on a plan to regulate his body again. Heh. I’d like to regulate his body. I’d also like to regulate the predictability of this show and BEG CMT TO HIRE NEW WRITERS.

Deacon goes over to talk to Jessie and how convenient, she is home alone. Look, if I were Jessie, my dress would accidentally just fall to the floor. Instead, they decide to stay together and make out. Do the dress thing next time, Jess.

Madds finds Daphne crying because she is upset about Deacon and Jessie. Daph says she hates Jessie and the situation because it really feels like Rayna is officially gone.  Yep, Rayna is gone and so is my patience with this show. At least we end things with Daphne singing. That little girl can sang!

Anyway, while Will is tempted to trash the ‘roids, Gunnar walks in and catches him shooting up.

Jonah takes Maddie somewhere they won’t be recognized: a bingo hall. You know where else they won’t be recognized? Nashville. In real Nashville we know we have celebrities and we do not care.

See also:

NASHVILLE recap: "That's My Story" (Season 6 Episode 4)

NASHVILLE recap: "Jump Then Fall" (Season 6 Episode 3)

NASHVILLE recap: "Second Chances" (Season 6 Episode 2)