I think I would rather watch Trump’s military parade than this mess. I kid. I kid. Sorta.

Daphne is still being a bratty brat about Deacon and Jessie. Plus, having to hang with Jake along with the love birds seems to be more like a prison sentence. Daphne still misses Rayna and is being super shitty to Jessie. I remember being a jerk face teenager to the men my mom dated after my parents split. Can we come up with something for Daphne to do that isn’t typical and boring?

Will’s roids are acting up (and not the booty kind) and he is being all moody about the addition of Alannah in the band with Gunnar and Avery. And even though the band doesn’t have a name yet, their Twitter feed is blowing up with praise for Alannah who Gunnar is already gunning for. (Every pun intended.) Wait, so the secret to having a successful band is to not have a name, add a chick, and get a Twitter account?

Scarlett is still volunteering daily at the Equine Therapy ranch and the hottie she has had her eye on, Sean, is suffering emotionally. I am not sure what happened to him, but his wife (named Angela) brings their baby to see him and the little family seems to be hanging on by a thread. Um, naming a character “Angela” isn’t going to endear this show to me at all, CMT. Find something else, say, a good storyline or unpredictable plots for example.

Gunnar goes over to Alannah’s place to hear some of the songs she’s written and for the love of GAWD, can we please get the bad blonde out of his hair? There are obviously sparks between the two, but Will and Avery warned him not to start anything with her. Literally cannot wait to find out what incredibly stupid band name they come up with.

Scarlett does some online stalking of Sean and checks his Facebook account. He was in the military and was once a very good musician. She plays a video of him performing at his high school graduation with a friend and he is quite talented. His aunt, who owns the ranch, says he was once as good as John Mayer. Yeah, but is he a playah like John Mayah?

Instead of leaving Alannah’s apartment, Gunnar goes right back through her front door and starts making out with her, but also explaining how he doesn’t want a relationship. Like any woman with Gunnar in her home, Alannah tells him to shut up and she begins undressing him. That kid does need to just shut up and look pretty. #TEAMALANNAH

Deacon tries to talk to Daphne about being pissy to Jessie. Daphne is tired of being the third wheel on the Maddie/Jonah and Jessie/Deacon trains. Honestly, she’s a teenager and she isn’t going to like anything, ya’ll. Can she like, get ahold of some of Will’s steroids or something? Can she join Juliette’s cult? AGAIN, give Daphne something interesting to do. The most interesting thing she has done this episode is find one of Rayna’s necklaces and put it on.

The following day, while Alannah practices with the band, it becomes evident that she and Gunnar spent the night together and Will and Avery try to lecture him on sleeping with bandmates. But, think about it, folks. That is all Gunnar knows to do.

At the gig for Gunn Gunn, Avery, Will and Alannah’s group, Deacon and Jessie run into Jessie’s ex, the creepiest man alive, Brad. Brad is interested in signing the group. Well, of course he is. It is just that damn easy to get a record deal in fake Nashville. I’m not a singer nor do I play an instrument, but I am signing my record deal tomorrow. BTW, the name of their band is The Last Highways. Unremarkable at best. Scarlett is also at the show and when she sees the new chick and Gunnar making googly eyes at one another, she bails. Look, Scrawny, you pushed him away. This is on you.

After the performance, creepy Brad tells Alannah, she is a star in her own right and she shouldn’t be surrounding herself with a bunch of boys. Oh, Brad, you idiot. That is my dream to be surrounded by hot, talented, eye candy.

In a café in the Arcade downtown, Scarlett spots Sean, who is staggering in the street. She goes after him and when he steps out of a dark alley, he asks why she is following him. Okay, in all honesty, knowing what we know about Scarlett, I would be very creeped out if that head case were following me, too. Its obvious Sean is drunk and talks about patrolling the streets of Kandahar and how downtown Nashville at night is a picnic. When he falls into a pile of trash, she tries to help him up. He heard her singing earlier in the day at the ranch and tells her it was beautiful. She knows he can’t stay in the alley, so she takes him back to her place to sleep. Whoa Scarlet, a married man! NOW things are getting interesting!

Of course, our good little girl, Pollyanna, is putting Sean on the couch to sleep. Snore. She asks him about the Facebook graduation video where he is performing with a friend. Well, it seems that friend signed up for the military with Sean and is now deceased. So, playing music reminds him of his friend and he explains that to Scarlett, who is beautiful and talented, but please, keep making her the awkward, gawky gal. Before turning in for the night, she asks him “Who does it help when you give up what you love?” Um, ask yourself the same question, Sherpa Boo Boo. We need a lot more of your singing and a lot less of your fake accent.

Deacon decides to have a dinner at his house with Jessie, himself, Daphne and Jake to get everything out into the open. He wants to discuss all of the issues and get it all on the table. When Deacon tries to get Daphne to open up, she bolts and Jessie goes after her. They sit down for girl talk and Jessie explains that she has made a lot of her decisions based on fear and that it never turned out well. She is scared of screwing up and disappointing Daphne. Jessie goes on to say she is not trying to replace her mother nor take her father from her. He has enough room in his heart for Maddie, Daphne, Rayna and Jessie. And me, kids, don’t forget about me! Side bitches always get left out, ya’ll. Oh, yeah, Jessie asks Daphne to be her friend and Daphne apologizes. GAG. Daphne should have pulled a switch blade and sent Jess to the hospital. SOMETHING. Are we wrapping up another dragging plotline with a tiny bow, CMT?

Apparently so because we next see Scarlet and the ranch owner, Del, peeking in on Sean playing a guitar and singing. He is very good and it makes Scarlett shed a tear.

Well, the good things about this episode included no Juliette and very little Maddie. Keep working towards that, Nashville producers. This was a rough draft, but keep going!

See also:

NASHVILLE recap: "Can't Help but Wonder Where I'm Bound" (Season 6 Episode 7)

NASHVILLE recap: "Beneath Still Waters" (Season 6 Episode 6)

NASHVILLE recap: "Where the Night Goes" (Season 6 Episode 5)