Mikey Rox’s Ultimate Guide to Gay Gift Giving 2019

By Mikey Rox, December 2019 Issue

Gifts galore for

him, her, they, and them — because secular Santa doesn’t discriminate like

hypocrite “Christians” do.

The Vice Wines

If any of your

vices include a 2017 Mount Veeder Merlot, 2017 Spring Mountain District

Cabernet Sauvignon, or 2018 Carneros Pinot Noir, stock up and save with these

aptly named vinos handcrafted to make you feel naughty and nice. $28-$695,

thevicewine.com.

Budsies Selfie and Petsies Dolls

Lookalike dolls

made to order from submitted photographs of your human and pet pals are stuffed

with so much holiday cheer that this thoughtful treasure will be cherished for

years to come. Ideal for drag queens that have everything but this. $99, budsies.com;

$59-$199, mypetsies.com.

Sprints Running Hat

The super-light,

moisture-wicking Tropical Jaguars hat (unisex) protects athletes and outdoor

enthusiasts from noggin burn and wet eyes whenever they feel like running wild.

$29,

getsprints.com.

Bluprint Subscription

Kick-start your

secret Santa’s side hustle with Bluprint — NBCUniversal’s digital subscription

service that offers classes, projects, and supplies across 20-plus crafting

hobbies, like quilting, knitting, embroidery, and crochet — that can easily

transform a creative procrastinator into a weekend money maker. $8-$200, mybluprint.com.

OurShelves Children’s Book Box

Guncles and lesbi-aunts will be bedtime-story superstars when they deliver this quarterly subscription box filled with racially and ethically diverse children’s books featuring LGBTQ, feminist, and other traditionally under-represented characters and families. $20-$70, ourshelves.com.

Dessert Gallery Party in a Box

A

successful holiday potluck requires two staples: free-flowing booze and plenty

of sweet treats. You’ll find the latter in this Party in a Box available in

Southern Pecan Pie, Tres Leches, To-Die-For Fudge Pecan Pie, or a customizable

tasting box. $40-$89, dessertgallery.com.

Kimball Quero Boots

Step up your

partner’s foot-fashion game with these ruggedly constructed wingtip boots

featuring mixed leather and rubber for a no-slip stride that are as dapper as

they are ‘damn, boy — you lookin’ fiiine!’ $245-$255, querohms.com.

Cat Ball Bed

Cats lick their

plates clean when there’s fish on the menu, but roles are reversed when cute

kitties become shark bait in this killer-cozy bed that’s totally fin-tastic.

$85, thecatball.com.

Kombucha Making Kit

Whether you guzzle it or gag on it, kombucha has proven it has staying power, and now the most health-conscious homos in your squad can whip up a fresh batch of their favorite fermented fizz without forking over a bundle per bottle. $45, farmsteady.com.

Rory Rockmore Pronoun Necklace

Using

proper pronouns in the LGBTQ community can be confusing — you’ll stand

corrected if you accidentally misgender — but these 14K gold or white gold

nameplate necklaces (also available in HE/him and SHE/her) remove all the

guesswork so you can save face. $240, roryrockmore.com.

The 5 O’Clock Box & Tom of Finland Vodka

In these three-step

kits – available in sparkling rosé, spiced Old

Fashioned, smoky margarita, and Moscow mule – all 5-o’clock-somewhere-ers have

to do is add alcohol (like Tom of Finland vodka), shake or stir, and garnish to

get tipsier than a freshly cut Tannenbaum. $30, twistyourspirits.com;

$35, tomoffinlandvodka.

Quartz Collective Healing Crystals

You don’t have to

believe in magic to reap the benefits of this collection of curated stones and

crystals — which is backed by scientific research, btw — that can help

facilitate healing, luck, confidence, and calm and soothe negative nervous energy

like anxiety. Rub ’em hard enough and you might even conjure up a top that can

host. $29, quartzcollective.com.

Succulentsbox.com

The best gift for

friends in tiny apartments is even tinier plants that don’t require a ton of

care. Live-and-let-live succulents and minis are the perfect present — because

who the hell wants to attend another ficus funeral? $5-$228, succulentsbox.com.

STOCKING STUFFERS

Mokuyobi Wallets

This color-blocked,

couldn’t-be-queerer-if-it-tried collection of clothing and accessories pop so

hard Crayola is blue-green with envy. Wallets so bright they’ll make a bish

swish harder. $12-$156, mokuyobi.com.

CBD Under $20

Pop a literal chill

pill when your in-laws start their shit at Christmas supper with CBD hemp

capsules or gummies clocking in at under $20 for more than a week’s worth of

you-don’t-give-a-fuckness. $7-$20, cbdfx.com.

Axol & Friends

Processed with VSCO with f2 preset

These cute plush

critters with a purpose have companion storybooks — Axol is

gender neutral, using only the pronoun “they/them” in

the books — which teach children about rare endangered species and advocate for

sustainable, ethical production and consumerism while donating a portion of

proceeds to youth empowerment programs around the world. $19, axolandfriends.com.

Socks That Save LGBTQ Lives

Take a cue from

today’s black-sock-showing youth and don this out-and-proud rainbow-stripe

pair, the proceeds from each will benefit The Trevor Project to provide crisis

intervention and suicide prevention for LGBTQ youth. $17, fairtradewinds.net.

HipDot Pressed Glitter Palette

Hey Sis!, Big Boss

Miss Ross, and Royal Riot are just a few of the names in HipDot’s 15-shade

pressed glitter palette designed for all genders to beat their faces like Ziggy

Stardust. Proceeds will be donated to the Anti-Violence Project. $30,

hipdot.com.

Tighty Whities Ornament

Baby, it’s really

cold outside with these festive, glass-assed skivvies that add some bulge to

your bulbs. $18, alwaysfits.com.

felixSEBASTIAN Earrings

Burl Ives sang the praises of silver and gold in 1964’s Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, but you can accessorize all the same with the very-now Nascence Collection Studs available in three shapes and metal tones. $50, iamfelixsebastian.com.


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