It's time to hold each other accountable

Mirror, mirror on the wall, we can be the biggest hypocrites of them all.

Now that Pride month is over, I can put down the banner I've been waving and type some truth.

This year, Pride seems especially important. We have an administration that seems determined to take every inch of ground gained under Obama. Rights that were supposed to be ours without question are once again up for debate. Hell, even same sex adoption and foster care is back on the table in many states, because as we all know the best way to fix the overcrowded foster system is to leave as many kids unadopted as possible. It's fine to put children into often abusive and exploitive foster homes but god forbid we let some "queers" adopt them.

With all this bad stuff happening to our community it's a good thing we, the clear victims here, aren't a-holes to each other. Oh, wait ... That's not necessarily true, now is it?

I mean look at what makes Trump's camp a bunch glorious a** hats. For starters they are transphobic, misogynistic, racist, not big on inclusion but super into erasure. You know, not at all like us—except...

Look, we have to be honest with ourselves and admit we've got some raggedy shit going on here. Allow me to elaborate. There's a special type of misogyny that is getting a lot of attention lately—gay misogyny. You read that right. It's totally a thing.

Gay misogyny is misogyny bottom line. Asking to touch a stranger’s breasts (which has happened to me many times at Play) isn't cool. Touching someone's privates and the audacity to take any liberties there is massively uncool. When it comes to uncool touching requests, the L's B's and T's can be guilty too.

But I digress. Let's talk about racism (aka “it’s just a preference, but…”)! I'm stunned at how many people I've seen on gay dating apps who won’t date black men but post pro BLM stuff on Facebook. Surely a preference for *not-black people* isn't the same thing as being racist, right? I'm inclined to disagree.

It seems odd to me to be "cool" with people being a different race *except for dating*. I mean that's basically what the "modern" Klan says about race relations: it's okay to be friends with minorities, it's just not okay to date them. That's a factual statement you're free to Google.

When Grindr preferences start reading like a Klan Facebook page, we've taken a wrong turn somewhere. Yes, we ... because as members of the LGBT community we're responsible for calling each other out. To counter misogyny and racism we have to hold each other accountable.

Ageism and body shaming are also problems. Defining a person’s worth based on their weight or whether they're on the “right” side of 30 is so very Trumpy. I know this may piss some people off, but here's the thing: you can’t do better until you know better.

Erasure is another problem. Being an a-hole to someone who's bi because you've "picked a side" makes you no different than those who say being gay is a sin because you're not born that way, you choose it. If you're saying bisexuality is a choice, you're agreeing with those a**holes. Shaming bi girls who date men , or emasculating bi men who date men, simply isn't cool.

Participating in bi erasure, racism, and even misogyny is also something members of the lesbian community can be guilty of, too, so stop shaking your heads. It's gotta stop.

This brings me to transphobia in our community. Seriously?! I'm flabbergasted that this actually a thing but alas… If you're in our community and transphobic, I'm seriously gonna need you to either explain that bias rationally or walk a plank.

Do I understand what it feels like to be trans? No. Do I need to in order to sympathize? No. And neither do you. Being trans is very difficult: having drama in their community rather than support is just unacceptable.

Our community can work on intersectionalism. Women's rights must mean trans women's rights too, or we're no better than the Trump-sters who see women as nothing more than genitalia-bearers.

I'm guilty of being a hypocrite at times. We all are. What matters is whether we stay that way. I'm gonna move forward by ####ing a #### for equality tonight (doubt I'll get to keep that line, but, ####, I loved it before he changed it). How you choose to break the cycle is up to you.

We're better than the Trump supporters. We're better than this crossover behavior. Let's hold each other accountable and do better.

 

 

 

 

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