Happy Genocide Potluck!

Let's talk about cultural appropriation for a second shall we? I feel like, in the shadow of Thanksgiving, it's the perfect time.

Now, understand that I operate from the stand point that, if you are not a member of a race, religion, ethnic group, gender identity, etc., YOU don't get to decide what is or isn't offensive to them or what constitutes them being "too sensitive." So if you're one of the ass hats who thinks you can be morality police for a group you don't belong to, you're gonna hate this month’s column.

Let's start with Thanksgiving. Well, Columbus Day, actually. If you think Columbus discovered America, please go discover a cliff to walk off of. Americans look forward to Thanksgiving every year, basically as the kick-off for Christmas shopping, but I digress… I'd like to point out that you won't see any Native Americans celebrating it. Because getting the s**t end of a hostile takeover isn't really something to celebrate.

Can you imagine having to watch someone who completely screwed you over, stole your money, burned down your house, and shot your dog celebrate doing this to you?! And then telling your future grandkids, "It was a long time ago, get over it"?

We're Americans; it's not like we need another holiday to overeat. At the very lease we could call it Pilgrim Day or something….

For another example, take Asians. Ever notice how Asian women are overly sexualized, while generally Asian men are portrayed as comic relief, like Long Duck Dong in Sixteen candles? Katie Perry got into some hot water for a video that looooooked pretty racist. She was in a kimono playing up Asian stereotypes of over sexualized submissive women.

White women came out of the wood work to defend her. Really?! Without even realizing how privilege-soaked that is? "As a member of NOT your ethnic group, I'm going to tell you how and when you can be offended!" WOW.

Moving on… You know when you go to a Mexican Resturant and you start using all your high school Spanish? Yeah ... about that. Look, it's annoying for multiple reasons, not the least being that, out of you two bilinguals, the one with the brown skin and better Spanish gets the s**t end of the deal in society in general. Now, the staff at this restaurant is supposed to be dazzled by your ninth grade education? How progressive of you…

Now let's go to my personal favorite, white people appropriating black culture. From backwards hats to bro-ing out, white guys in pickup trucks BLASTING hardcore rap… Wow! It looks like you really appreciate and respect black culture except, 1) this is only one specific part of the culture (I bet you can’t define ‘Harlem Renaissance’, on the other hand), and 2) these people will generally be the first people post some "all lives matter" thing.

I saw a video on Cosmo.com showing a white girl getting corn rows done by a super expensive stylist, and the video was titled "you've NEVER seen a braid like this…." Are you fluffy kitten me?!

The same site, a few months later, showed a white model being given an Afro by the same stylist, and the video was titled "Wild spirals are the hot new trend…" Wild spirals? You mean an Afro? Hair styles that are common and natural are deemed "unprofessional" and "ghetto" until Kylie Jenner rocks them?! And we wonder why the black community is fed up?

Another thing, I don't give a s**t how many black friends you have, if your partner is black, or (my favorite) if you were "practically raised by a black family"—if you are not black, ESPECIALLY if you're white, you are NEVER under any circumstances allowed to use the N-word (-er or -a, it doesn't matter). If you use it and get clapped on social media or get your ass kicked, you deserve it.

Also, for clarification, being Jewish and being white are not the same thing. Jewish is its own race. It's an ethno-religion. So, dear white people, if you are not Jewish, please stop posting on social media that "white people have experienced racism, look at the holocaust." That's not your struggle. Then the same people who say stuff like this will be the first people to insist on prayer and Christmas trees in public school classrooms. Because a Jew is only white when it’s useful.

Now, let’s get even more personal: white people calling themselves gypsies when they hippie. Ethnic gypsies are told they have no right to be offended by this. Seriously, f*** you, from the bottom of my Romani heart. Gypsy culture isn't about going to music festivals. It's an ethnicity: Indo-Caucasian to be specific. You learned to read tarot cards? That doesn't make you a gypsy. The thing that's annoying is that because we are such a small minority people don't take it seriously. And they wonder why we get snotty with them.

In short, if someone tells you something is culturally offensive and you are not from that culture (because it's not just white people who do this), don't argue with them. Apologize, and ask questions. Try to grow as person rather than holding on to privilege, and lies about history, like a child would cling to their favorite blanket. You're an adult, act like it.

Don't be a bigot. And, again, happy Christmas-shopping tailgate fiesta!





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