Ask Francine - I Find Air Travel Way Too Hands-On

I’m writing this on my iPad just moments after I got fingered at the Kansas City International Airport. I don’t mean I received a discreet pat, or a friendly rubber-gloved slip of the hand. This man-pretending-to-be-a-lesbian put his hand in the elastic of my skirt and did a complete 360-degree probe around my subtle waist. Then, kneeling in front of me, the Satan-servant thrust his gloved hand between my legs, and that’s when the incident happened, my dear readers, for I must have forgotten to wear my underpants (as I often do when rushing around my manse in a hurry before going on a trip). The monster made contact with my secret feminine treasure-box, and as much as I loved — I mean, hated it —it was necessary for me, as Kansas City’s favorite Christian, to scream with pain as I got felt up. I’ll never forget the sound of my horrified voice … a combination of pleasure, agony and embarrassment … and then I fainted.
I know what you’re thinking. But don’t judge me, you sinner, holding this nasty piece of gay trash in your hands. You’re as guilty as that ETSA’s (Evil Transportation Security Administration’s) finger. You find pleasure in my pain, and while I don’t judge you, I know God will … and I would hold up a Fred Phelps sign right now in front of your house — if I had the energy.
So to protect future MCI passengers, I’ve decided to invest in a Colorado inventor’s latest product: body-scanner-proof underwear. Jeff Buske of Denver created underpants with fig-leaf shaped radiation shields to keep the government’s eyes out of your crotch — but that doesn’t mean they won’t shove their hands into your nasty nest. That’s just what those Demoncrats do.
And while I secretly love watching naked bodies as much as the rest of you, it’s perfectly normal to gaze longingly at bodies–as long as you’re lusting after the opposite sex. I’ve put this beautiful Renaissance naked rendering of Adam and Eve here as a reminder to you homos that God created Adam and Eve, not Adrianne and Eve or Adam and Steve.
And then there are the few of you who enjoy watching naked bodies under the guise of “sports”: sumo wrestling, nubile teen boys with body paint, poodles dyed green for St. Patrick’s Day. Call me old fashioned, but after discussing this topic, my groin isn’t heaving … only my stomach.
I can’t write anymore. I’m exhausted, sore, and totally unfulfilled by my recent physical encounter … much like Dirty Dorothy must have felt on New Year’s Day (I saw what she did at that 10 o’clock show). But I am compelled to keep telling you queer sinners that you’re wrong, I’m right, and that 2011 will be the year I get to wear the rubber gloves. Just saying’.

WhistlePig + Alfa Romeo F1

SHOREHAM, VT (September 13, 2023) — WhistlePig Whiskey, the leaders in independent craft whiskey, and Alfa Romeo F1 Team Stake are waving the checkered flag on a legend-worthy release that’s taking whiskey to G-Force levels. The Limited Edition PiggyBack Legends Series: Alfa Romeo F1 Team Stake Barrel is a high Rye Whiskey selected by the Alfa Romeo F1 Team Stake drivers, with barrels trialed in their wind tunnel to ensure a thrilling taste in every sip.

The third iteration in WhistlePig’s Single Barrel PiggyBack Legends Series, the Alfa Romeo F1 Team Stake Barrel is bottled at 96.77 proof, a nod to Valtteri Bottas’ racing number, 77, and the precision of racing. Inspired by Zhou Guanyu, the first Chinese F1 driver, this Rye Whiskey is finished with lychee and oolong tea. Herbal and floral notes of the oolong tea complement the herbaceous notes of WhistlePig’s signature PiggyBack 100% Rye, rounded out with a juicy tropical fruit finish and a touch of spice.

Keep readingShow less
by Spectrum Medical Care Center

Nurse Practitioner Ari Kravitz

When I started medical transition at 20 years old, it was very difficult to get the care I needed for hormone replacement therapy because there are very few providers trained in starting hormones for trans people, even though it’s very similar to the hormones that we prescribe to women in menopause or cisgender men with low testosterone.

I hope more providers get trained in LGBTQ+ healthcare, so they can support patients along their individual gender journey, and provide the info needed to make informed decisions about their body. I’ve personally seen my trans patients find hope and experience a better quality of life through hormone replacement therapy.

Keep readingShow less

Descanso Resort swimming pool and lounge area

Descanso Resort, Palm Springs' premier destination for gay men, just received Tripadvisor's highest honor, a Travelers' Choice "Best of the Best" award for 2023. Based on guests' reviews and ratings, fewer than 1% of Tripadvisor's 8 million listings around the world receive the coveted "Best of the Best" designation. Descanso ranked 12th in the top 25 small inns and hotels category in the United States. Quite an accomplishment!

Open less than two years, Descanso Resort offers gay men a relaxing and luxurious boutique hotel experience just minutes away from Palm Springs' buzziest restaurants, nightclubs, and shopping. Descanso has quickly established itself as a top destination for sophisticated gay travelers, earning hundreds of 5-star guest reviews and consistently ranking in Trapadvisor's top positions alongside brother properties Santiago Resort and Twin Palms Resort.

Keep readingShow less