A real, live Will for all the Graces

Will and Grace made the idea mainstream, but everyone knows that gay men and straight women have always had a special type of bond.

Perhaps it is the ability of the pair to be unabashedly truthful with one another, or maybe it revolves around an innate femininity, but regardless of the roots, this friendship is unlike any other.

We’ve all heard the terms for these relationships: gay husband, or “gusband,” non-sexual life partner, or maybe just “my best guy.” A local clinical hypnotherapist and life coach, Bo Sebastian, decided to explore these unique bonds, and through his new book, Your Gay Friend’s Guide to Understanding Men, he has set out to help us all examine and “crack the code” of those creatures we call men.

Bo began his journey in Nashville aspiring to become a contemporary Christian singer. He began having some problems sleeping, and decided to visit a hypnotherapist. He became intrigued by the science and its success, and decided to pursue his own license. After coming out and finding a focus for his life, his hypnotherapy became an outlet and he began to see his clients’ needs for relationship help.

Sebastian says that often clients, friends and relatives would come to him and find that what they needed was his relationship advice and expertise. They visited him for other services, such as therapy for weight loss, smoking cessation or life coaching, and actually began to realize that they really wanted a way to make a significant life change. His goal then began to begin helping people to find a way to change life patterns in order to achieve a new, positive and successful path of growth.

As a former bisexual, Sebastian says he believes he has a more in-depth insight to the thought process and behavior of straight men. The bisexual lifestyle allowed him to see relationship issues from all sides, and this in turn allows him to offer more credible advice to women.

So what does a gay man have to offer a straight female that makes these relationships special?

“The ability to be completely honest, and not just give a girl what she wants to see or hear about the relationship,” Sebastian said. “The gay man does not have anything to gain by sugar-coating the situation, and females often need a dose of reality from a true friend who is not afraid to be a straight-shooter.

“The female mentality is one of permanence, and the feminine nature is to desire a lasting relationship,” he continued. “If men could be 100 percent certain that they would be able to have sex for the rest of their lives, they would probably never get married. Those two concepts don’t necessarily mix. So what women need is to seek is a man who is in touch enough with his femininity to know that he indeed wants something permanent.” Femininity does not mean he is feminine or gay, it just means he is in touch enough with his feminine nature to exhibit signs of love, emotion, and commitment. Metrosexual, anyone?

Sebastian says that too often, women recognize signs that the man they are dating does not exhibit the qualities needed for a lasting relationship, but they are unwilling or perhaps unable to make a change in their thinking. Thus, women end up in a string of similar unsuccessful relationships. This is one of the many situations that Sebastian sees most often with his clients.

“My goal is to help them recognize these patterns, think objectively, and begin to make a positive life change,” he said. “This book is to help us all examine men and be able to recognize signs that show us their character and intent.”

Sebastian now has another book on the way in addition to being on tour for this one. He speaks to groups about effective change, and he says his message is adaptable to any audience that is open to a positive life message.

“I want to help people understand that positive change can be accomplished, and I want to help them do so,” he said.

With this being the beginning of a new age in relationships and a time to shift from old patterns to new ones, Bo Sebastian sets out to help women embrace these new patterns and move on to more successful relationships. For any woman who is looking for that special someone, he may just be your new BFF!

For more info on the book or to find out Bo's tour schedule, visit his website at www.bosebastian.com. Sebastian will hold a book signing on Saturday, Oct. 9 from 3-5 p.m. on Saturday October 9th at OUTLoud as part of their author's series during Southern Book Fair.

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