While we dig ourselves out of this week’s snow and ice, it’s time to head to fake Nashville where the roads are clear and so is the acne on the faces of the teenagers.

We get rolling with Rayna getting lots of attention for her Bluebird performance and the publicity is needed because the bills are piling up at her record label. And just to make sure Avery is worth the money, Rayna sends Bucky over to the studio to check on him producing Sadie’s next album.

A delivery for Maddie from Genesis Diamonds arrives and Rayna opens the gift and finds a diamond necklace with a note attached from Creepy Jeff, welcoming her to Edgehill Records. And while that necklace is STUNNING, I still wouldn’t touch Creeper Jeff with a ten foot stripper pole.

At the doctor’s office, Scarlett is with Deacon, who is getting examined with his shirt hanging open and I can’t help but wish I was the one wearing the doctor’s lab coat. However, I would have to make him cough for me. Probably a dozen or so times. While they’re at a medical facility, maybe they could hook Scarlett up to a feeding tube. All of my food suggestions haven’t worked so far. I mean, I knew Scar Scar was a bit vapid, but how much longer do I need to reference her and face stuffing?

Anyway, Deacon demands the doctor give him an amount of time he has left to live if a liver donor can’t be found and the physician refuses to deal in absolutes, so Deacon leaves. Back home, he googles his life expectancy and becomes more fatalistic when Maddie Face Times him. He tries to make excuses not to see her, but changes his mind.

Juliette is a pain in the ass normally, but a pregnant Juliette is intolerable. Avery is finding that out the hard way trying to juggle her and being the new hotshot producer. Avery arrives at the studio to produce Sadie’s music in time for Bucky to catch him running behind. It turns out, he is an overly thorough producer. He is so nitpicky, he is wasting hours of studio time and Juliette won’t stop calling.

Will brings his beard, Layla, home from the hospital and he is staying at Gunnar’s house so Layla can have their place to herself.  She begins to play the victim card, telling him she doesn’t know what she will do with her life next, but it certainly won’t be in Nashville. She’s 20 years old and has a record deal with a huge record label. Life isn’t THAT bad, beardie!!

Gunnar is drowning his sorrows in booze over family woes when Puke stops by. Puke catches him burning old mementos… and I will SO buy Gunnar all the booze he wants if he will throw Puke into that fire. No such luck. Puke takes a sip of the hooch and they start a drunken songwriting session. You see, Puke is looking to replace a song written about Rayna on his upcoming album. Will shows up for the drunk fest and Puke wants to have a boy’s night out of drunken debauchery. Anything to keep that pity party rolling, right Luke?

Rayna storms over to Edgehill and confronts Jeff about signing Maddie to his record label. She learns Teddy (who we will now start calling dense Teddy or dopey Teddy or… ) has signed Maddie’s recording contract and Jeff calls security to have her removed from the building. Okay, I gotta give Creepy credit where credit is due. That was kind of cool.

Rayna is storming all over Nashville, next going to dopey Teddy’s office to confront him about Maddie’s recording contract. He stands up to her, saying he wants Maddie to be happy, but mama bear Rayna isn’t having any of it and storms over to the nearest entertainment attorney. So, the wheels of justice turn fast for Gunnar when he needs a custody hearing, but slow for Rayna when she wants to try to get a hearing against Creepy Jeff and Edgehill Records. However, her lawyer is going to file an injunction against Teddy to strip him of his parental rights, using the fact that Deacon is her biological father. Teddy spills his guts to her about Layla and the drug investigation and the prostitute, explaining Jeff forced him to sign Maddie’s contract.

Sadie gets a call from the crazy ex at the recording studio and he mentions the restraining order she took out against him. As soon as she hangs up, she is handed court papers. She’s being served. If only it was being served in the dancing sense. I’d kill to see Avery doing the Cabbage Patch.

Speaking of Avery, he finds Sadie in an empty part of the building and traumatized. She tells him about the ex husband, who is suing her for past royalties and other big money she has earned in her career. Realizing Crazy Ex Pete is hanging around outside the studio, Avery hurries out to confront him. Just as they are about to throw down, Sadie steps in and mentions the surveillance camera catching everything, including Crazy being within 100 feet of her. When Pete high tails it out of there, she says she’s ready to record.

Teddy finds Jeff in front of the Country Music Hall of Fame and tears into him for not letting him even tell Maddie about the record deal before breaking the news to Rayna. It also seems creepy Jeff intentionally sent the diamond necklace to Rayna.

Thinking he only has six months to live, Deacon begins making out his will and Scarlett is trying to be her optimistic, malnourished self. She shuffles over to the clinic to talk to Deacon’s doctor and the doctor realizes he needs to deal with Scarlett’s take on reality before he deals with Deacon’s. The doctor explains that she is being an optimistic bully as much as Deacon is being a pessimistic bully and they both have to find a balance. The doc is pretty damn cute, too. She should let him take me for a Krispy Kreme, um, I mean, take her for a Krispy Kreme. Well, at least she introduces him to Crema coffee.

When Maddie drops by, Deacon puts on a happy face, but is distant. As Maddie continues to mature with her playing, Deacon gets choked up watching her flourish during their guitar lesson. Beaming with pride, he suggests playing some summer shows together, saying “I am sticking around.” Turning a new leaf, he later thanks Scarlett for her hard work and positivity. But, don’t worry, Skinny. They’re not killing off Deacon or the show would be over.

As if Layla’s day couldn’t get worse, Creepy stops by for a chat. The owner of the record label (Mario Van Peebles) is coming into town for a visit and he wants her to perform for him. When she arrives for the performance, Jeff is in the board room introducing Maddie to the table of label bigwigs. Instead of Maddie showing up, Rayna charges into the meeting and takes a seat at the head of the conference table.

At the Puke pity party XXVI, the guys have found a group of cheerleaders to party with. One of them starts to get fresh with Will and he marches his hot self out of there. The next morning, the boys are hung over and Puke asks Will why he skipped out on the festivities. Will says he isn’t comfortable with the playboy image and then Puke (in the ultimate Puke moment) say he’s also sensitive like Will. He claims drinking and screwing around is also not his thing. So, Luke’s shtick is being an annoying, walking contradiction of himself? Now, I think I might dislike him more than Jeff, if that’s possible. But, the moment of clarity for Will and Puke gives the guys the motivation needed to write the song Puke needs. The songs also marks the first time I don’t want to punch Luke when he is singing.

Back in the Edgehill board room (which I am fairly certain is the CMT building), Jeff and Mario Van Poobah record label honcho are listening to Rayna explain just how Maddie got signed to the label and she’s including all of the gory details.

You might want to get Mario a stiff drink, Jeff’s mistreated assistant.

Once the ugly truth comes out, Mario releases Maddie from her contract and wants to have a heart to heart with Creeper. Under the circumstances, Layla gets the beard shaft (again and not in the good way) and is sent home without performing.

Creepy later shows up at her door and explains he got fired (YASSSSSS HUNTY!) Feeling all beard sorry for him, she lets him in. With all of the bad decisions she makes, Layla is a walking country music song.

Never leaving mama bear mode, Rayna meets up with dopey Teddy and says she is taking full time custody of their daughters for a while and urges him to get help. Not being Rayna’s ex-husband seems like it would be a huge help, but, as usual, I digress.

See also:

NASHVILLE recap: "I've Got Reasons to Hate You" (season 3 episode 12)

NASHVILLE recap: "I'm Lost Between Right & Wrong" (season 3 episode 13)

NASHVILLE recap: "Somebody Pick Up My Pieces" (season 3 episode 14)