Now that she has a pregnancy belly showing just a skotche, Juliette is hoping it isn’t obvious to Avery. He is more focused on the fake Nashville paparazzi camped outside of Juliette’s door now that she has publicly stated that the Movement for Coherent Philosophy is a cult. No duh. BTW, how in the HELL does Juliette still have ANY kind of rights to see her daughter after abandoning her twice? Is there no Child Welfare Services in fake Nashville? Speaking of that, we still think Cadence is running a fever.

So, Scarlet shows up to the horse therapy ranch to meet Sean and says “Apparently, traffic in Nashville is now a thing.” Correct me if I’m wrong, but Scarlett has hypothetically lived in Nashville for AT LEAST 6 years, right? Traffic in Nashville has been a thing longer than fake Nashville has been a thing. Lort have mercy. Oh and the ranch is in danger of being shut down due to lack of funds and Sean wants to throw a benefit concert. Well, it wouldn’t be a benefit concert if it weren’t fake Nashville. It happens every third or fourth episode, so we were overdue.

Will is stuck at home eating and drinking healthy things and being miserable. Wow, so that is how we are going to end the entire show? Will at home sipping tea and bitching to Gunnar? What a waste.

Things are going well with Deacon and his pops, but ya know, Daphne found that bottle of hooch (that I wish I had right now) under grandpa’s bed. C’mon, gramps. Don’t hide it, divide it! Later, she does catch him having a snort and he explains he needs it to help him sleep. Yes, sir, but not when you’re an alcoholic. Anyway, he asks her to keep it between them.

Gunnar and Scarlett are meeting for lunch and it’s awkward, but kind of sweet. Scarlett tells him he needs to perform for the benefit at the ranch. They both kind of guilt one another for not songwriting. When Avery tries to write, he begins strumming something called “I’m a Douchebag.” Anyway, Will comes in and surprises Gunn Gunn with tickets to see his totes fave: Steve Earle at the Bluebird. Of course, Gunnar is inspired by Mr. Earle’s performance (his strumming is pretty great).

In the studio, Avery and Alannah are recording  duet and the sparks are flying. Creeping Brad is creeping in the background and notices, telling Avery he needs to sign with Shiny New Records. Brad’s over-friendliness sets Avery on edge while the rest of the world vomited on their shoes.

Twig calls Maddie to apologize, but she ain’t playing his game. So, could they maybe both experience spontaneous human combustion so this awful plotline can end in a blaze of glory and we can get on with the actual interesting parts of this show? It’s not always about that 18 to 34 demographic, CMT. Why don’t you have MTV let go of the puppet strings for a while?

Twig tells Jonah he’s the reason Maddie caught Jonah and Mia at the pajama party and they get into a fist fight. OVER MADDIE. Yes, you read that correctly. CAN I PLEASE THROW UP MY HANDS AND WALK AWAY?

Rosa and her son have managed to escape from the cult in Bolivia and are now in Nashville with Juliette. Rosa is ready to talk to the press. The next morning, in front of the cult headquarters, Juliette holds a press conference (which I am not sure is legal since it’s not on public property.) But, anyway, she also announces she is retiring from music and the public eye.

Steve Earle wants to chat with Gunnar after his show. Steve is a fan and Gunnar starts talking to him about his writer’s block. Steve suggests to try not being Gunnar Scott for a while. So, Gunny puts down his acoustic guitar and begins to write some tunage plugged in on the electric. He then goes to Will to play him what he wrote and Will is floored. Will thinks Gunnar should adopt another persona on stage when he performs it.

At dinner, Brad is trying to skeeve on Alannah and says he might be falling for her. GROSS. Alannah doesn’t want to break up his marriage and then he shows her he isn’t wearing a wedding band saying “It’s already a done deal.” Later, Avery meets with Alannah and she dumps him.

Twig shows up at the recording studio to tell Maddie that he didn’t leave the security of Jonah’s posse and we wasted yet another few minutes of the last episodes of this show on Maddie. We cannot get that time back, folks. EVER. Oh- and he tells Jonah he’s done being the tour bitch and bails while Jonah calls him names.

Deacon meets Alannah for coffee and when did these two meet? I mean, I know they did, but who cares and why are we involving Deacon in something as lame as Alannah? Isn’t it bad enough Maddie’s suckage has to chew up his screen time? Oh, she is telling him about her plot against Brad.

So, Cadence is sick with a fever of 104. Avery and Juliette rush her to the hospital, but not before Juliette tells him she bought a farm outside of Nashville. AND, their kiddo has pneumonia, but she’s going to be okay. So, the two connect in the hospital over concern for their daughter. Out of curiosity, where was Juliette’s concern the two times she abandoned the kid? Now that she’s pregnant, how many times will she abandon the new spawn?

Scarlett is all giddy watching Gunnar’s electric performance at the fundraiser with Will performing as a side man. Twig shows up so he can chat with Maddie (who is there with Deacon, Daphne and gramps.) of course, Maddie and Twig end up kissing. Good gravy, that kiss was the most planned/obvious crap. Hey, One Tree Hill, the CW is another channel. K, bye.

Sean and Scarlett hit the stage to perform together and Sean’s wife, Angela, can see how great they are together. Sean felt it, too, but our little mystery accenter only has the hots for Gunnar. Earlier, Angela told Scar she thinks Sean would have been better off with her. Oh, Angela, this world would have been better off without Scrawny. After sharing a kiss, she sends him to run off after his wife.

As Daphne, Maddie and Deacon are leaving the show, Deacon finds the hooch in his dad’s car after Daphne refuses to ride home with him. A tearful and furious Deacon says he is not his father and drives away with Madds and Daphs.

Okay, bear with me, my babies! One more episode left and it won’t hurt anymore.

See also:

NASHVILLE recap: "Beyond the Sunset" (Season 6, Episode 16 Series Finale)

NASHVILLE recap: "I Don't Want to Lose You Yet" (Season 6, Episode 15)

NASHVILLE recap: "For the sae of the Song" (Season 6, Episode 14)