At first glance it is no surprise that South African native Jacques Snyman has played sports his entire life. “I was one of those kids that was usually upside-down, hanging from everything,” Snyman joked. “I’m sure it annoyed my parents, so they just took me to a gymnastics class.” All that climbing proved not to be monkey business as Snyman became a national gymnastics champion from ages 6 to 12.
After becoming too big for gymnastics, Snyman participated in everything from tennis and swimming to cricket. But it was in both track and field and rugby that Snyman would find his true sports’ calling.
“My grandfather was an Olympian in track and field and he also played rugby for South Africa,” Snyman shared. “He taught me how to long jump and run hurdles when I was quite young.”
Upon reaching university, Snyman had to make a choice between the two sports—a choice that was heavily influenced by his sexuality. “I didn’t want to pursue rugby out of fear that I would be outed and be rejected by my teammates,” Snyman lamented. “I chose track and field thinking it would be better because it’s an individual sport and nobody knows your business.”
After finding success in track and field in Europe, Snyman had the opportunity to the join the King’s Cross Steelers, the first rugby club in the world to have open membership for gay and bisexual players.
After playing with the King’s Cross Steelers, Snyman worked as a strength trainer for a straight rugby club. After being inadvertently outed via a television interview, Snyman found that his fears were unfounded.
“With rugby, I probably got the most camaraderie and acceptance from straight teams,” Snyman said. “I think that rugby is such a butch sport to play that [guys] are okay with their sexuality.”
“I had more problems from the sidelines than from teammates,” Snyman said. “In fact my teammates would stand up for me. I remember this one incident where someone shouting from the sidelines ‘don’t thrown the ball to the poof’ and one of my teammates ran up to the guy and smacked him in the face and kept on playing.”
Snyman has found his share of success on the rugby pitch but now he seeks success with a different type of pitch . . . operatic singing.
“People don’t expect a rugby player to sing opera,” Snyman laughed. “On top of that I sound like a girl. I suppose it’s the juxtaposed position of someone über-masculine singing über-feminine.”
As a boy, Snyman participated in singing competitions in South Africa. “When I was a young boy, I sang very high and was a boy soprano,” Snyman said. “I would literally come from a rugby game and my mom would charge in and drive me to my singing place. On one occasion my nose was actually broken and I had to stand there and sing.”
Because of his athletic prowess, Snyman says that people didn’t expect him to pursue singing. In 2010, Snyman rediscovered his passion for singing and his countertenor ability- eventually traveling to London to study under Brian Parsons of the Conservatory de Lyon.
Of course Snyman wants his voice to be heard but it’s not only for his singing. Snyman promotes an anti-bullying message wherever he goes.
Sexually abused as a child, Snyman knows what it’s like to have his power and voice taken away. “You can’t talk about what is happening to you, you can’t say anything,” Snyman admitted. “And while I was not bullied per se of getting picked on, I know what it’s like.”
“I’ve always stood up for the little person,” Snyman shared. “When I was in kindergarten there was this boy who was older than me but had a younger mentality. I don’t know why but I protected him and helped him.”
Despite his many sport accomplishments and budding musical journey, Snyman is quick to recognize someone who has made a huge impact in his life. Snyman married his partner Victor Wieciech earlier this year. “[Victor] is the person that has stood behind me from the start—that has believed in me. He is my soulmate and best friend.”
Snyman brings his rugby expertise to Nashville March 9 when he meets up with the Nashville Grizzlies for a Rugby 101 clinic. Snyman will counter his rugby appearance when he sings Sunday, March 10 during the 11 a.m. service at Covenant of the Cross located at 752 Madison Square, Madison TN. That’s one pitch we’re waiting to hear.
For more information on booking Jacques Snyman visit jacquesvsnyman.com.
Bisexuality
Rarely are the words, “I’m bi,” heard. Whether on TV, film or even from friends and family, it’s almost nonexistent. Coming out as gay is thought to be brave; a pivotal moment in someone’s life. Coming out as bi, however, is often met with rolled eyes, being viewed as a sexual object, and even with the chant, “Bi now, gay later.” Being bisexual isn’t heralded as brave: it is often treated as if it isn’t even a real thing!
Many well-known blogs have used the purple analogy to explain bisexuality. Purple is known as its own color and not half red, half blue. There are even several shades of purple, some with more red or some with more blue. The same exists in bisexuality, where attraction can be fluid. Some can be hetero- or homo-romantic (meaning that when it comes to establishing romantic relationships they are primarily attracted to members of the opposite sex, or same-sex, respectively) but do enjoy physical, sexual contact with someone of different sex than their partner. Some can be polyamorous and even cohabitate with both sexes. And others decide on their romantic and sexual partners freely, a person to person decision based on what about the individual might tickles their fancy.
Understanding bisexuality
Photo by Isi Parente on UnsplashWhile bisexuality, on the surface, should be welcomed as yet another beautiful way of living—loving hearts and not parts, if you will—bisexuality is often viewed in a not so great light or simply swept under the rug by both the straight and broader lesbian and gay communities.
I asked men and women who identify as bisexual to help us take a look at what it means to be a shade of purple in the big world of pink and blue. It should be noted, and of some concern, that most did not want to be identified by full name, or to use a photograph, in order to avoid judgment from one community, the other, or both, or even because of the risk of losing their jobs and family.
Being Bi
Sorting through the responses to our questions on bisexuality, early feelings of attraction for both sexes was a common theme. Most relate it to the same feelings as straight or gay people face. “I’ve known I was bisexual since I was very little,” Emma Frye stated. “I realized I was not attracted solely to one sex as early as I understood attraction. Most people know they’re straight or gay early in life; I was the same with bisexuality”
Some state that they did not recognize their feelings as bisexual, or perhaps did not know there was a name for it, like Lish Rodriquez: “I didn’t know about bisexuality—I just knew that I liked those people. As I grew older and the media picked up more stories about homosexuality and the AIDS/HIV epidemic, it gave me the word ‘bisexual’ to identify with.”
What comes up also, is the difference in fluidity. The majority of respondents were in an opposite-sex marriage and thus present outwardly to the wider world as heterosexual. Out of those people, many refer to themselves as “swingers.” This is a way for them to explore their bisexuality, with or without their spouses’ involvement, while keeping their marriage and families intact.
Taking the “B” out of “LGBT”
Despite its banner of open acceptance, there is a great deal of questioning in the wider lesbian and gay community about the status of the “B,” and just as some have called for the expulsion of the transgender community from LGBT, others are calling for the removal of the “B”.
One Tumblr blog, “Unpopular Opinions,” states, “I think we should take the B out of LGBT. Bisexuals have it way better than most of us in the queer community. They have straight privilege and ride on the coattails of the gay community.”
Turns out, that just as in the transgender community some agree for very different reasons, some bisexuals likewise argue that this just might be a good idea. Recently a YouTuber known as BisexualRealTalk called for the “B” to be taken out of “LGBT.” He concluded that a bisexual looking for support in the LGBT community was ultimately going to have more questions, be left with a greater sense of uncertainty, and come away with a deeper sense of being alone. “Expectation kills,” he says. “The LGBT community is not our friend”
In fact, a major Canadian study published by the San Francisco Human Rights Commission in 2010 called “Bisexual Invisibility: Impacts and Recommendations,” found bisexual men are 6.3 times more likely, and bisexual women 5.9 times more likely, to report having been suicidal than heterosexual people. Bisexuals are also 3-5 times more likely to feel suicidal than gay men and lesbians.
The majority of those we surveyed also felt discrimination from the LGBT community. Rae Schomburg-Hall states, “I receive scorn from most lesbians as they feel I should ‘pick a side’ and I must just need to ‘make up my mind.’” She feels she is seen as “a confused individual. An oversexed person, just looking for fulfillment. Not to be trusted. An interloper. This, coming from a community that heralds inclusion and acceptance is just…just…wrong.”
Views and Perceptions About Bisexuals
Reading through blogs and articles mentioning bisexuality, it doesn’t take long to find the words "greedy," “whore,” or “slut” being heaped upon bisexuals individually or as a group. The belief that bisexuals, regardless of the evidence, aren’t actually, or can’t be, monogamous is another common attitude.
“There are definitely people who think being bisexual means the exact opposite of monogamous, which is kind of hilarious” answers one of our participants. “I think people's sexuality is so personal, and it varies from person to person. Not all of us sleep with everyone, just because we can, although I have had close friends say that I was a whore or a slut because I dated both ‘sides’ from my pool of friends as a young adult.”
R.J. Aquiar, YouTube’s “NotAdam,” has a series he calls “Ask a Bi Guy,” where he addresses many of the perceptions and attempts to use his personal experience to change the attitudes on bisexuality. In response to our questions, he wrote, “There are still so many people out there who can't accept our identity as valid. They're so adamant about sticking to their existing world view, so they'll look for any reason to dismiss us rather than accept this new information that might require them to change their world view. That doesn't necessarily make them bad people, since it's human nature to do that. And it's even more understandable when you look at how much society enforces that gay/straight binary. Most people would, for instance, refer to a male/male or female/female couple as a ‘gay couple’ rather than a ‘same-sex couple’ while a male/female couple is most often referred to as a ‘straight couple’. If you know what to look for, there's bi-erasure all over the place. This can make it really difficult for a bi person to consider coming out since it means having to face all of that adversity head on.”
Men vs Women
Attitudes men versus women concerning bisexuality certainly differ. It is often said that women have it “easier” being bi. The acceptance of a bisexual woman actually involves oversexualizing her. When a woman says she is bi, many men would jump at what they think is a sure-fire way into a threesome. Very rarely is she viewed as a potential monogamous partner.
And if she comes out to a potential same-sex partner? She is often not taken seriously. There is a fear she will want to return to a heterosexual fantasy of husbands, children, and white picket fences in the suburbs. After all, bisexuals are always viewed as having the potential for passing in straight society as an option. One lesbian told us “I’m scared I’ll be hurt by bisexual women, so I won’t mess with them at all”.
Bisexual men do face a different demon, and because of it, very few men will ever come out as bi. Cooper S Beckett—author of “My Life on the Swingset” and “A Life Less Monogamous”—offers personal insight on this. There is “the immediate assumption that I was gay and kidding myself. I've been told it was a phase as well. Straight men don't like bi men, because they're afraid of another man coming along and treating them the way they've traditionally treated women, as someone you could cajole into doing something. They're worried about being cajoled into ‘gay sex.’ I've been told to my face by a gay man that I'm not bi, I'm just on the road to gay town. It's shocking and sad. But I think acceptance is growing.”
Finding a Tribe
There are plenty of online communities to join. Binetusa.org and shybi.com are places to discuss the unique challenges and obstacles bisexuals face. Bisexual.org has a fantastic library of articles, and discussions, and even lists famous people you might not have known were bi. In your local community, look at meetup.org to find bisexual or bisexual friendly meet-ups.
It is much easier to research within the bisexual community than to look in the LGBT community. It is most important to fight for your rights and support others who are questioning or longing for understanding.
“A lot of LGBT experts call bi people ‘the silent majority', since there are likely a lot more bi people out there who would rather hide than come out and deal with all the stigma,” Aguair writes. “Unfortunately, the only way we can change that is for more bi people to live their lives openly, and demonstrate firsthand how much it doesn't have to be that big a deal. It also illustrates how important it is for bi, pan, and other sexually fluid people to come together and form a community to support one another”
Pam Simmons, who has struggled with her bisexual identity for many years, wrote, "The best advice I could give is to find someone you trust and share what you are feeling, how it is affecting you, your fears & doubts. The journey to identifying as bisexual may be a lifelong process. But that’s ok. You define you…. Nobody else. Be true to yourself. And most of all, love yourself.”