Lisa Marie: Kelly and I are working on a cookbook and thought we would work out a recipe on you. We wish to give you food to pair with passion. The recipes will be creative, eclectic, healthy and hot ... all that you long for in a lover, on your plate and in your mouth.
Kelly: The name of this recipe is a fun play on the hot topic of gay rights in the military, “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Pierogies.” Red, white and blue represent the colors of democracy folded into a dish from the deep autocratic roots of the Old World.

If you haven’t noticed, the military is a bit Old World, promoting the concept that being openly gay is counterproductive to the good morale and discipline of our heterosexual sisters and brothers. The basis of the argument is that being straight inherently makes you unable to live in close proximity to gays. Our response to that? Invite your straight neighbors over to dinner and be merry.

If you’ve never had pierogies before, we hope you enjoy this introduction to them: soft, plump little dumplings filled with mashed potatoes and dill. The earthy beets and greens will keep you healthy, plus they look and taste great in this plate. And be disciplined soldiers — buy organic, buy fresh and buy regional.
DON’T ASK, DON’T TELL PIEROGIES
Blue: Pierogi Filling
5 small purple potatoes
1 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 cup cheddar vegan cheese, grated
1 teaspoon paprika
¼ teaspoon cayenne
1 tablespoon fresh dill
1 tablespoon lemon juice
Salt and pepper to taste
White: Pierogi Dough
1 ½ cups of flour
¾ teaspoon salt
Dash of nutmeg
2 tablespoons egg replacer (the type we use is powdered)
4 tablespoons vegan butter
3 tablespoons warm water
Red: Beet-Horseradish Sauce
1 bunch beets (about 4 beets)
3 tablespoons olive oil
1 tablespoon crushed garlic
1 ½ teaspoon fresh dill
1 ½ teaspoon mustard seed
1/8 teaspoon cayenne
3 cups diced tomatoes + 1 cup water (or 2 cans diced tomatoes)
1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
1 tablespoon parsley
1 teaspoon (1 tablespoon if you like it hot) grated horseradish
3 tablespoon vegan sour cream
ADDED BONUS: The Beet Greens
Greens from the bunch of beets
½ teaspoon safflower oil
Pierogi Filling
Wash the potatoes. You want to get them really clean so you might want to shake your groove thing a bit while you scrub. Add the salt to a pot of water and boil the potatoes until fork-tender. Drain and put in a bowl to mash. Yeah, you know how to mash, so mash it. Add the cheese, paprika, cayenne, dill, and lemon juice and keep on mashing. Salt and pepper to taste.
Pierogi Dough
Place all dry ingredients into a bowl, cut the butter in, mix a little water and sink your hands in. The dough should be nice and smooth. Form about 12-16 balls. Roll each one into a flat circle and place a spoonful of the filling in the center and roll over like little dumplings. Pinch the ends together to seal the filling. You may want use a fork to close and make designs, if you’re feeling wild.

Choose your style: Drop into boiling salted water or sauté in olive oil and garlic. Either way, they will be done in 5 minutes.
Beet-Horseradish Sauce
Prepare yourself — this can be hot and saucy. Peel the beets and steam whole until fork-tender (nearly 30 minutes). Cool, then slice. Throw the beets in a pot with the olive oil, garlic, dill, mustard seed, cayenne, tomatoes, Dijon and parsley. Simmer for 10 minutes. Add the sour cream and grated horseradish. Taste it along the way. Make it yours.
Greens
Wash the beet greens very well and de-stem. Heat a pan on medium heat with the oil, then add the greens, a little water and sauté for about 5 minutes. It’s a quickie.
Presentation
Lisa Marie: Presentation matters, and we want you to look good. Keep this in mind while plating your dish. We encourage you to get creative, but keep it clean. For now.
Pairings
Kelly: How should you pair? No, we’re not talking about dropping your keys into the fishbowl. Pull your baby close and sip on this.
• Boulevard Pale Ale – Refreshing and cool, and especially nice next to the bite of the sauce.
• Velvet Merkin – A dark oatmeal stout that enhances the deep, Hungarian roots of this region. If you know what a merkin is, just keep that to yourself, especially if your neighbors are over.
• An earthy Pinot from Oregon – anything by Patricia Greene would be my preference. Take a trip to the Cellar Rat, 1701 Baltimore Ave. in Kansas City, for that.
Thematic
Lisa Marie: Themes are fun. Make the dinner thematic and impress your other(s). Do tell. Share a secret, and make it romantic. Open up. Get closer. Spread the love.

And spread it on over to us. We welcome and encourage your constructive feedback — it will help us improve. Send your thoughts to me@lisamarieart.com.

Lisa Marie Evans (www.lisamarieart.com) is a filmmaker and artist, and Kelly Reed is a creative writer and art collector. Together they enjoy the sexy, finer things in life, such as travel, food, art, adventure and women. In their column, Lisa Marie and Kelly wish to share with the LGBT community what they find out about the ways to enjoy and appreciate life.