You know what? If Gay marriage is just a ploy to get child rape legalized then to hell with it. Can I get an Amen? No? OK, how about a WTF?

This is one of the lunacy-based claims made by Hak-Shing William Tam, a defendant in the Prop. 8 lawsuit going on in California (the trial you’ve all been busy watching on television, right? Just kidding!).

In a letter to Chinese-American church groups in California during the 2008 campaign, Tam wrote that once you let gay people marry each other, they’re going to go after kids next.

“On their agenda list is: legalize having sex with children,” he wrote.

In a Jan. 14 blog post responding to Tan’s claims, Dan Savage wrote, “Because, you see, once same-sex marriage is legal then, um, good people everywhere who oppose the rape of children ... will be too busy 1. reeling from the shock (good straight people) and 2. planning their bachelor/bachelorette parties and registering at Macy’s (good gay people) to stop those all powerful radical gay child rape advocates from forcing the Legalize Child Rape Patriot Act through both houses of Congress.”

Tan came to his bizarre conclusion after reading online about a gay rights meeting from 1972 where gays supposedly set their radical agenda for world gay domination in motion. Anti-gay folks love to hold it up as “proof.” Granted, the majority of gays and lesbians have probably never read this document, but the contents of it are hard wired in the gay brain at birth. Or something. I don’t know, I’m not a geneticist.

Personal experience also shaped Tan’s views. In his deposition he said, “My daughter told me her classmates chose to become lesbians and experiment with it after they noticed that same-sex marriage, they think it is a cool thing.”

Right. Nothing is cooler in junior high and high school than lesbianism. That’s why all the girls are dyking it out in an effort to become head cheerleader and homecoming queen. It’s just so easy to be gay in school. I feel sorry for all the straight girls who have to pretend, hanging posters of Melissa Etheridge in their lockers instead of Taylor Lautner.

But that’s not all. He goes on to say, “They have some problem getting dates with boys, so same-sex marriage, since it is in the air, they think, ‘Oh, why not try girls.’”

Woah there. First of all, girls aren’t a dish at a tapas bar, and same-sex marriage isn’t H1N1. That’s just not how love, sex and relationships work. But, you know, thanks for playing.

Tam also wrote in his letter that if gays could marry in California, “other states would fall into Satan’s hands.”

Look, something tells me Satan doesn’t exactly have a state-by-state strategy here. He isn’t Karl Rove (or is he?). But Tam apparently wants to give a whole new meaning to the term “red state.”

What’s most galling about Tam is that he’s trying to get out of the lawsuit, saying he wants to be dropped as a plaintiff because he doesn’t want his personal views to become publicized. Hmm. Something tells me he should have thought of that before sending that letter.

D’Anne Witkowski has been gay for pay since 2003. She’s a freelance writer and poet (believe it!). When she’s not taking on the creeps of the world she reviews rock and roll shows in Detroit with her twin sister.

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