Dear Hersband and Wife,

Wow! I watched all your video vlogs, especially the one on lesbian bed death and they made sense. I have a hard question for you.

I am in love with my best friend who lives with me, and we occasionally make love.  The catch is that she is in love with this man.  When I make love to her, she screams his name. I don't really mind. I love her so much I really don't care as long as she is with me. I asked her to marry me every day for almost a year hoping she will change her mind.

Is is bad that I wont give up and that I love her so much? Do you think that maybe she will change her mind?

Anyways, thanks for the great info on your vlogs. I wish you all the happiness in the world and thanks.

In love with roommate

Dear in love with roommate,

First of all, let me thank you so much for listening to the advice in our vlogs. It is nice to know we make sense and it really is helping those in need.

I think your question is a good one and not hard at all. It seems you are in love with a woman who is straight.

Think about it. If you make love to her and she is screaming out some guys name, then she is fantasizing about a guy and not you. So right there you may want to rethink how much you love this woman. It seems that she does not return your affection. If she does, then she is fantasizing about a man she may want to be with but that is not her reality.

If she could be with him, then she would never let you be with her. You really need to start thinking that this woman is your fantasy.  You both have a vivid fantasy life about where you would like to be and that is not with each other. I would suggest you leave her alone and start getting yourself together to find a real partner...a woman who will be into you and you into her.

A one sided affair is not going to ever be enough for you. Eventually, you are going to grow tired of your roommate  using you for sexual relief. Asking her to marry you every day to try to convince her you are the one satisfying her is never a way to get the love you want. Nagging is nagging and when did that ever work?

This is just good butch perspectives,


Dear in love with roommate,

Thank you for supporting us by watching our vlogs and reading our columns. I can say that you are in a tough spot right now, by having a fling with your roommate and professing love feelings for her while you know she is in love with a man (that it sounds like from your letter isn't giving her the time of day).

Honestly, hon, we all want things that we can't have, and it seems that you and she are both in this situation at this moment in time. You want a full-on relationship with this woman instead of just a "friend with benefits," and she wants a relationship with this man she fantasizes about when (making love?) having sex with you.

I am not trying to be harsh on you, but I honestly feel that if you take a step back from the situation and stop having sex with this woman you will see this situation is unhealthy and it is not love. It is all about the sex. If that is all you want then go for it, but it sounds like you have wanted more from this woman for quite a while. More than she is able or willing to give you.

Time to move on darlin'.

Just my humble opinion as the femme,


To submit your question to Hersband and Wife, email them at You can also visit their Web site listed below for additional advice and other resources.

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