The presence of stable, recognized homosexual couples in Kansas City neighborhoods will destroy our children’s futures. My job as a Christian columnist in this nasty gay rag is to make it clear to weak, confused homosexuals that you’ve chosen a destructive lifestyle. If happy, successful gays, some with children, were living next door to you, how could I convince you that this lifestyle was wrong, especially during February, the month of Love?
I’m trying to think back to my teenage years to remember when I made the decision to be straight. I know it happened … because you readers all chose to be gay at the same time I decided to follow the true pathway of the Lord. I don’t recall needing any guidance, for I knew in my heart that the swift sword of a Man was a weakness in my loins. However, I know that certain homosexuals, plus their satin and sequins … well, they’re all on a slippery-slide ride, quickly dumping them into the fiery pits of Hell.
But as we enter February, we remember that the desire to find love this month ends in disease, insect infestation and anguish. If you’ve made it to the back of this magazine, you have not found love. Last month, only three people emailed me that they read this column: a convicted child-molester in Leavenworth; an amputee in Johnson County jail; and John, the publisher of this magazine. He has to read this column to make sure I don’t use any dirty words ... and sadly, I don’t know any.
Ever since my third husband traveled the road of death into the arms of Jesus, which was around the same time I was arrested for a DUI and was court-ordered to write this column, I have been alone. February is a tough month to live through. One of my favorite blogs is Next to the Bible, it gives me reason to live.
Sometimes, as I lay in bed waiting for my meds to kick in, I recite the alphabet to calm myself down.
I put on my satin sleep mask, and begin (at the end, of course):
Z is for zero; Y is for yesterday, when things were so much better than today; X is for xenophobia (Hello? Speak English!); W is for wealth redistribution; V is for voting Republican.
U is for Us vs. Them; T is for Tea Party; S is for Sarah; R is for Ronald Regan; Q is for never asking questions; P is for Muslim Presidents; O is for Obama (see “P”); N is for liberal Nazis; M is for marriage between a man and woman only; L is for nasty Liberals.
K is for Kansas, where evolution is a four-letter word; J is for Jesus … duh; I is for immigration of white people; H is for evil health-care reform; G is for God and Guns.
F is for liberal Fascism; E is for evil Democrats; D is for death panels ready to unplug Grandma; C is for Christ; B is for Barack;
A is for Anti-Christ (see “B”).
May love enter your heart this February, allowing you to hate the same way I do. Hugs and kisses to you all, and I mean it with all the love in my heart!

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