I’ve brought in a detective to help me solve this turkey of a problem as we all sit down for Thanksgiving dinner. I have all these horrible issues with my health and wellness. We need to find the culprit before any more damage is done. Ten guests, including me, sit around the festive table. Somebody is to blame for my unhealthiness. Let’s begin the interrogation.

My Grandma Anne has been smoking all her life, and I’ve watched her fire up those cigarettes for decades. She’s responsible for my nicotine habit. All heads turn to the detective. He rolls his eyes and proclaims her innocence. And then there were nine.

Little brother Zeke is always inviting me to party with his pals at the pubs. He’s such a bad influence and must certainly be guilty for my debauchery. The detective furrows his brow in disbelief and clears Zeke of all guilt. And then there were eight.

Look at my Great Uncle David as he finishes his third plate of green bean casserole. Those love handles around my midsection? They’re his fault. It’s hereditary. Our detective doesn’t buy it and quickly erases David’s name from the list of suspects. And then there were seven.

Cousin Maria is great at scoring concert tickets, and the seats are often right up close to the bands. Whaaaat?! No, really … what? She should take the fall for my hearing loss over the years, right? The sleuth purses his lips. He does not agree. And then there were six.

My roommate Israel only buys potato chips and cookies for snacks. Never any fruits or veggies. I see this as a strong case for his culpability and negligence for my poor eating. But the detective is not buying this weak defense, and he simply and slowly shakes his head. And then there were five.

My boyfriend of six months, Sam, thinks I look sexier when I have a deep, dark tan. I discarded the sunscreen in lieu of his love. Blame any of my skin damage on him. The detective chuckles at my spirited, but stupid statement. And then there were four.

Mom and Dad bought me a magnificent motorcycle as a huge surprise for my 40^th birthday. I’m always out riding in my free time now. They are responsible for the fact that I have not seen the inside of a gym in many months. The detective, however, is unmoved by my sad soliloquy. And then there were two.

My big sister Victoria must be called on the carpet for my deficiencies. She’s next in line after my parents for keeping me on the straight and narrow, right? OK … that’s a stretch. I’ll concur with the detective on this one. She’s not to blame. And then there was one. Me.

It’s simple: Stop making excuses. Take responsibility for your actions. Don’t blame your friends and family for your own mistakes. Acknowledge what is wrong, and start making it right.

Anyway, a festive holiday gathering is no place for a fight. Not this fight anyway.

Let’s make Thanksgiving great (and healthy) again!

This delicious discussion is delivered to you by that guy with cornucopian confidence. That is Ron Blake and he can be reached at rblake5551@hotmail.com.