Dear Hersband and Wife,
It is easier for me to go by a male name because of my appearance. I know that you have heard appearances can be deceiving. That's the case with me. I have a male figure but I have always been female. I have never really questioned my sexuality except for why I have a man's body, but that's really not why I'm here. I am planning on becoming a woman physically. Here's the catch. I'm married to a great woman that enjoys my male body. I do not hide my femininity from her. I live as a woman that has come to grips with my body, but how do I help her with my bodies’ female transition and help her to enjoy a completely lesbian life?
Thanks,
Transitioning
Dear Transitioning,
I know you never hid feeling like a woman from your wife. I wonder when you were approaching getting married did you really talk about someday you were going to match your body to your inner self? If so, was it agreed that your man organ was going to go away and that you would be a legally married lesbian couple?
Your wife loves your man part, and it sounds that she married a man and liked having sex with the man she married. I am sure that once you fully transform yourself physically into a woman she may feel hurt and no longer want to relate to you as a woman. I know you love her, but your gender change is not about her; it is about you.
In this journey you have to outweigh the love for your wife or the need to love yourself and be happy. This struggle is never fair for either party. I suspect, had you had the conversation before marriage that you were going to satisfy yourself in an outward gender change, your marriage may not have taken place. If your wife can transform with you, then you have truly been blessed for her understanding and love.
This is just a good butch perspective.
Hersband
Dear Transitioning,
I understand that you have always been a woman on the inside, but you had a man's body on the outside, and now you want everything to match up. You have to understand this is your journey and not your wife's. Just like we always say we were born this way, either gay, lesbian, trans or bi, your wife was born straight and GLBTQ is not a choice; it is something you are from the core.
So if your wife cannot get with being a lesbian, it is because she is not gay; she is straight. This is probably the most difficult part of any married trans persons transformation...the realization that you have to give up someone that you love as much as you love yourself.
My best advice to you at this point is to get into some GLBTQ friendly family counseling, but allow your wife to travel her own life's path just as she is allowing you to travel yours.
Just my humble opinion as the femme,
Wife
To submit your question to Hersband and Wife, email them at HersbandAndWife@outandaboutnewspaper.com. You can also visit one of their Web sites listed below for additional advice and other resources.
www.hersbandandwife.com
http://360.yahoo.com/hersbandandwife
http://www.myspace.com/hersbandandwife
http://blog.myspace.com/hersbandandwife
