Now in their 80s, these two divas have been called by many names over the years: Debbie Reynolds has been described as America’s sweetheart or the quintessential girl-next-door. Rita Moreno has been called a spicy Latin spitfire, and MGM studio boss Louis B. Mayer once called her “a Spanish Elizabeth Taylor.” Now these stars have written memoirs that are must-reads for anyone who wants to explore their lives beyond those labels.
The title of Reynolds’ book — Unsinkable: A Memoir — refers to her Academy-Award-nominated role in The Unsinkable Molly Brown. This memoir picks up from the last chapter of her previous autobiography, Debbie: My Life, which came out in 1988. In that book’s closing pages, she wrote about finally finding love with her new husband after two broken marriages. This one, she believed at the time, would last for the rest of her life — but life seldom works out the way we plan. No matter how painful the subject matter, the actress shares, in excruciating detail, a very personal account of her husband and money troubles — and how the one caused most of the other. The immediate, “you-are-there“ style that Reynolds and co-author Dorian Hannaway use makes this book hard to put down..
Over the latter half of Reynolds’ life, she has become known and celebrated for her astounding collection of cinematic memorabilia, including Marilyn Monroe’s “subway” dress from The Seven Year Itch and Audrey Hepburn’s “Ascot “ gown and hat from My Fair Lady. Throughout much of the 1980s and ’90s, her quest was to find a permanent home to house these items.
She thought she had finally found one when she opened a hotel and museum in Las Vegas. Within a few years, however, Reynolds discovered that her husband had betrayed her emotionally and financially -- she even writes how, at one point, she feared for her life from this man she thought she knew. Along the way, her dream was destroyed and much of her incredible collection was lost. Yet this same collection would ultimately save her from financial ruin. Though it’s heartbreaking to read about someone’s dream crashing and burning, it is equally inspiring that Reynolds refused to give up and continues to prevail.
In the second half of the book, Reynolds lightens the mood considerably by recounting her film career, movie by movie, and sharing memories and juicy stories about each one. These include how she once found Tony Randall jumping up and down in the dressing trailer next to hers, completely nude, and how dancer Bob Fosse groped her on the set of Give the Girl a Break. (“Bobby would come up behind me and press his ‘gift’ into my backside,” she writes.) Among her lighter anecdotes are those involving her long friendships with the likes of Elizabeth Taylor, Shirley MacLaine and Frank Sinatra, and how she co-starred with the Lincoln Futura that would, in due course, become TV’s Bat-mobile.
By contrast, Rita Moreno: A Memoir is a full-on autobiography She is one of the very few artists — and the only one of Hispanic descent — to be awarded an Oscar, Tony, Grammy and two Emmys. Moreno triumphed over many boundaries in her career, easing the way for countless performers.
“Pretend to be someone I’m not,” Moreno writes; “this idea has lasted most of my life — it is how I coped — but not without profound consequences.”
Born Rosita Dolores Alverio in Puerto Rico, she relates how, when she was 5 years old, her mother took her to New York City, leaving behind a baby brother she would never see again. After a harrowing ocean voyage, they eventually wound up in the barrios of the Bronx.
While studying Spanish dance with Paco Cansino, an uncle of Rita Hayworth, she made her nightclub debut performing opposite him at age 9. She made her Broadway debut at 13. Before long she was signed by MGM, and numerous pages of her memoir are devoted to stories of her adventures there, including one memorable publicity tour with Ann Miller where they encountered a flirtatious soon-to-be President John F. Kennedy.
Show-biz enthusiasts will also love reading about the making of West Side Story for which Moreno won the Academy Award for best supporting actress. In the book, she characterizes the film’s original choreographer, Jerome Robbins, as being “filled with a puzzling self-loathing that spilled over onto all the people with whom he worked. He was never mean to me, but he was brutally hard on me.”
Several years later, Moreno added a Tony Award to her Oscar for portraying the outrageous Googie Gomez in Terrence McNally’s classic comedy The Ritz. But Moreno’s absorbing narrative is also heart-wrenching, particularly when she admits to being involved in a number of toxic and often obsessive relationships with several Hollywood heavy-hitters. Not the least of these was her passionate — and passionately dysfunctional — romance with the mercurial Marlon Brando, which led her to attempt suicide.
Each book offers a refreshing glimpse into the family lives of these entertainers. Moreno has been married once — to physician Lenny Gordon – a union that lasted for 45 years, until his death in 2010. She discusses her loss in an especially poignant chapter titled “Losing Lenny.” And she expresses the “incomparable” joys of being the mother of her beloved daughter Fernanda. Reynolds, too, devotes plenty of space in her book to her close relationship with her children, Todd and Carrie Fisher — without whom, she says, she would never have made it through all that she has.
It’s interesting to note where the two actresses’ lives have intersected. For instance, leading man Gene Kelly personally hired Moreno for her supporting part in Singin’ in the Rain, but that was not the case with Reynolds. and she reports that early on, the actor even seemed to resent her, driving her to tears during production. In another coincidence, Moreno alludes to a “disastrous” date that she went on with Harry Karl, heir to the Karl Shoes dynasty, who eventually became Reynolds’ second husband.
More recently, Moreno starred on the hit TV show Oz from 1997 to 2003, and she will receive the coveted Screen Actors Guild Lifetime Achievement Award in January 2014. Reynolds has had supporting roles in films such as In and Out and this summer’s Liberace: Behind the Candelabra.
These two incredible women are American treasures, and their stories are valuable to all of us, as well.
Unsinkable: A Memoir, published by William Morrow, and Rita Moreno: A Memoir, published by Celebra Books, are available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and other retail outlets.
Financial Planning for the LGBTQ+ community
The new year has arrived. For many people, that means making resolutions and thinking of ways they can do better in the coming year and beyond. Money management and financial planning are often very popular resolutions and goals, but most financial advice tends to be aimed at heterosexual couples who want to grow their family and raise children.
But, what if your life goals are different? What if you don’t receive the same protection under the current laws as hetero couples?
What if you don’t want to have kids?
Financial planning is a great way to start your year on the right foot, but if you’re a part of the queer and childfree, you might need to make a few more adjustments than your hetero friends.
Let’s take a look at some strategies you can use in the new year to get your finances in order in a way that fits your lifestyle.
The Challenges You Might Face
Facing your challenges
Photo by x ) on Unsplash
Depending on where you live, there might be certain legal protections and benefits in place that can help you with financial planning. However, not all states offer those protections, which can do more harm than good and create a few challenges for you as you plan for your financial future.
For example, if you’re not legally married, you aren’t eligible for things like inheritance laws and social security benefits. No matter how long you’ve been with your partner, it’s required by law that you be married to receive those protections. Furthermore, many states have not yet established anti-discrimination laws. This means that, depending on your location, you might not have protection against things like:
- Housing costs
- Access to credit
- Healthcare access
Putting a strong, legal-approached financial plan in place now will not only help to prepare you for the future but will give you a better idea of the challenges you might have to face as you get older. It’s often worthwhile to find a financial advisor who specializes in working with LGBTQIA+ individuals and couples. They’ll be able to help you make smart decisions with your money and keep you up-to-date with the laws and protections in your state.
A financial advisor can also help with roadblocks you might face if you’re on a budget and need money quickly. For example, pulling money out of a retirement account early generally isn’t a good idea. If you make early withdrawals, a 10% early distribution tax is added. However, if you have a permanent disability, qualifying medical costs, or need financial assistance with caregiving, you may be able to draw from it early without penalty. A financial advisor can point you in the right direction and protect you from penalties.
Making Investment Purchases
While you may have more disposable income without children to provide for, it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t do your due diligence when making larger purchases. These larger, investment purchases may not always follow the same trajectory as traditional, heteronormative purchases do — e.g., weddings, big houses, and then family-sized vans. Of course, you can choose to follow this trajectory or stray from this path according to your specific lifestyle. In any case, you want to watch out for discrimination when making any big purchases. Make sure to vet the company you are working with. Look at reviews and ask around in the community. Also, do your research on protections against discrimination.
For example, find out what U.S. laws protect LGBTQIA+ homebuyers. Anti-discrimination laws can only build on federal housing laws, so check your state for extra protections. When buying a car, make sure you don’t fall victim to scammy sales tactics. Even though LGBTQ+ credit discrimination is illegal, there are still systemic issues that cause credit issuers — including car dealerships — to have misconceptions about the community. It’s best to remain vigilant just in case.
For instance, you may have just one income to rely on and are in the market for a used car. When purchasing a used car, ask smart questions to avoid financial mistakes. Consider asking the car salesperson:
- What is the vehicle’s history — including service records, wrecks, or even reported theft of the vehicle?
- Are there any previous or current problems you have noticed with the vehicle?
- What services were done to prepare the car for sale?
- What is included with the car — including any preinstalled upgrades, warranties, or the number of keys on hand?
- What is the policy to return a car after purchase?
These questions may seem invasive, but they are actually investigative and, often, necessary. Avoid covert discrimination in the form of “pulling the wool over your eyes” because you are unfairly perceived as uninformed at the car dealership — come prepared. This goes for any costly purchase, so do your research and prepare for any curveballs that come your way.
Starting Fresh Financial Habits in the New Year
No matter the challenges you face — either legally or personally — one of the best ways to boost your financial wellness in the new year is to create healthier habits. Create a budget for yourself that allows you to live the lifestyle you want while preparing for the future. Maybe you’re thinking about having children someday and want to start saving now. Maybe you know that parenthood isn’t for you but you want a comfortable retirement. Some of the best ways to save, even when you’re on a tight budget, include:
- Cutting down on excessive expenses
- Finding a side gig
- Asking for a raise at work
- Chipping away at debt
- Eating at home more often
- Adjusting your paycheck withholdings.
It’s never too soon to start planning and preparing for the future — whether you live alone, with roommates, with a partner, or with a spouse. Keep these tips in mind to overcome financial hurdles and make the most of your financial vision, this year and beyond.
Slane Irish Whiskey bottles
Disclaimer: My trip was provided courtesy of a press trip but all opinions about the trip and events are my own. Please note there are affiliate links and at no additional cost to you, I may earn a commission if you make a purchase.
Whiskey has been hitting the shelves left and right lately taking up aisles and aisles. All good things if you ask me. I took a quick trip out to Atlanta for a review of Slane Irish Whiskey. I know what you’re thinking. Atlanta and Irish Whiskey? I was waiting for the connection but there wasn’t one, except for the people I met but let’s start from the beginning, shall we?
Visiting a Garden That Gives Back to the Community
The garden at A Sip of Paradise
Photo courtesy of A Sip of Paradise
The first thing on the list is to visit a place called A Sip of Paradise. This non-profit garden space caters to bartenders and people in the hospitality industry. It’s a place where everyone can gather for specific events, help maintain the garden, borrow from the garden, and create a sense of community. It’s a safe space where you can recharge the body, mind, and soul through gardening and health and wellness programs and so much more.
As the day unfolded, we learned how the garden space was created, why it was created, and how it thrives. Anyone in the hospitality industry can tell you that it is sometimes grueling hard work. It takes a toll on the body, mind, and at times, the spirit. Walking among the various plants and flowers, you get a sense of grounding. You take care of and nurture these plants so they will grow and thrive in the sultry weather. You leave your troubles behind as your focus turns to the garden, the people, and the stories they share.
As luck would have it, it poured down rain and we couldn’t go out and weed the garden. Then the rain stopped. Then it started again. Then finally, it stopped. During the rain, we huddled together under pop-up tents and shared stories and cocktails. We learned the stories of a few members and we learned how they give back to the community that has helped them along the way.
This. This is the connection. Slane Irish Whiskey (and company) is long rooted in community, music, sustainability, and a yearning for leaving the world a better place than they found it. Cliche, I know. But the work that A Sip of Paradise does on a daily basis is the same work Slane Distillery is doing. Building a legacy.
These people are more than mere bartenders, mixologists, and drink slingers. There were trailblazers and celebrities in their own right. They were are giving back. They were are making a difference. All the while making amazing cocktails.
A Sip of Paradise’s principles are easy. Come together as a community. Partake in the care of the garden space, take what you need, and give what you can.
Inside the Epicurean Hotel Atlanta
Epicurean Hotel Atlanta
Photo courtesy of Epicurean Hotel Atlanta, Autograph Collection by Marriott
I was staying in the heart of Midtown Atlanta at the Epicurean Hotel. This isn’t your typical run-of-the-mill hotel–it’s a food-themed boutique hotel. Instead of checking in at the front desk or speaking with a concierge person, you actually check in at the host desk inside the first-floor restaurant called Reverence. Upon checking in, you’re offered your choice of a complimentary beer or glass of wine. (impressed already).
Each floor is food themed. I happened to be staying on the Pinot Noir floor. Fitting I know. I have the sense that it didn’t matter what floor I was on! The room was great and wouldn’t you know, there was a bar with snacks. Not one of those tiny little minibars, but a full-on wall dedicated to all things booze. There were shelves with wine on them, spirits, and snacks. Some were complimentary so as I sipped my complimentary wine, I had some snacks as I relaxed and pretended to get some work done before meeting the group downstairs.
Reverence is the main restaurant where you not only dine and drink, but this is where I checked into my hotel. It’s an open kitchen concept with plenty of seating in and around the kitchen. Elegantly designed and decorated to make you feel right at home.
If you want a bit more casual, you can head to Aerial Kitchen and Bar situated next to the swimming pool and cabanas. Seating is like sitting in your familiar backyard and hanging out with friends. The open concept means you’re sitting outside enjoying the weather.
If you’re not quite ready for dining, you can head over to The Office Bar and cocktails. Don’t worry, if you do end up getting hungry, you can order from the eclectic menu.
Perhaps the shining jewel of the hotel would be the cooking theater. The Epicurean Theatre is built for demonstrations, teachings, or any group event where you can learn various cooking techniques.
There’s a Sky Terrance where you can take in the views of Atlanta’s skyline or just lounge around on the large lawn space taking a break from work, or perhaps you’re working remotely. It’s a perfect setting to do that.
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Cooking Demonstrations with Whiskey Pairings
Chef preparing for his cooking demonstration at the Epicurean Theatre
Photo credit of Joe Eats World
Most of the amazing people we met in the garden were attending the dinner along with a few local writers, bloggers, and fellow lovers of food. One of the Slane Irish Whiskey Ambassadors was there to give us a bit more history on Slane Distillery.
Slane Irish Whiskey is triple distilled and triple casked using virgin barrels, seasoned barrels, and sherry. Slane works on sustainability, renewable energy, and a lower carbon footprint. Toss in the whiskey, music, and oh, a rebuilt Irish Castle and you get some pretty amazing history. The castle is used for tours, weddings, and music venues. Some of the biggest names in music have either visited or played at the castle.
Our dinner was a paring of three different expressions of Slane’s whiskey. Dinner was a four-course experience where we feasted on chilled half-shell oysters, hot and sour pork belly bao buns, scallops n grits, and orange-cured summer peaches. We finished off the evening with another Slane Irish Whiskey coffee old fashioned. Honestly, I didn’t think I was going to sleep that night but curiously, it wasn’t a problem.
Having Brunch Before Heading to the Airport
The James Room entrance
Photo courtesy of Joe Eats World
The next day we set out for The James Room. Their website opens with We’re a Vibe and I have to agree. We were told about The James Room but upon arriving and walking through the glass doors, you’re taken aback because we were supposed to have cocktails and brunch with Tiffanie Barriere. Instead what I walked into was a coffee and pastry shop with a few tables to either side of me and a coffee counter directly ahead. Intriguing.
As we were talking, one of our new friends came walking through one of the side doors and asked us to follow her. Blown away doesn’t even begin to describe what happened next. You know that point in Wizard of Oz when Dorothy walks around her house after the tornado and it’s filmed in Black and White and then she opens the door and walks outside into technicolor? That’s literally what happened to me. As the door opened, another world opened up.
The room was dimly lit in a perfect way, to my left was a very long wrap-around bar and behind (or in front, depending on how you’re standing) were various seating booths with velvet and leather seats. Words of welcome and greetings came from all around as we reunited with more of our friends from the garden.
As we were waiting for brunch, we stood around with cocktails of course, and chatted about the previous day's events when we were almost rained out of gardening! Once brunch was out of the way, it was time to get busy, we were there for an Irish coffee workshop after all. Obviously, we were going to be using Slane Whiskey as the main ingredient. We received a demo of how the Irish coffee is built and then we were on our own to recreate said coffee. We all did pretty well if you ask me but then again, it was 10:30 in the morning and we were already on cocktail two or three and we were flying out in a few hours.
It was a whirlwind event. In less than 24 hours, I met some of the most amazing humans, had some amazing cocktails made from Slane Irish Whiskey of course, ate some absolutely delicious food, and at noon I was on my way back to the airport. My only regret is that the events didn’t last longer. It was definitely not enough time to explore and experience the wonders that Atlanta’s food scene and cocktail scenes have to offer. Especially that hotel. My God, that hotel.
One More Whiskey Tasting After I Return to Chicago
Irish Coffee using Slane Irish Whiskey
Photo courtesy of Joe Eats World
Fast forward a few weeks later as I’m back home in Chicago, I get invited to a dinner and whiskey tasting for Slane. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to make the dinner but I did get a chance to hang out a The Kerryman and experience blending my own whiskey and tasting even more Slane Irish Whiskey concoctions. We laughed about the rainstorm in Atlanta and talked about how amazing the people were, how good the food was, and how we went through A LOT of whiskey. One of the reps from a GlenDronach Scotch and Cheese pairing event I attended was there and we talked about how amazing everything there was.
If you’re a whiskey fan, you should do yourself a favor and pick up a bottle or 2 of Slane’s. They’re making some pretty good stuff. Even though they’re a young-ish company, they have some great things on the horizon.
This post was originally published on Joe Eats World
Mental Health for LGBTQ+ Aging Adults
Queer elders have made a big impact on the world. Queer folks over the age of 65 were around during the Stonewall Movement in the 1960s and may have even campaigned to improve the rights and freedoms of LGBTQ+ people around the world.
But, as queer elders enter later life, they may need to find new ways to protect and preserve their mental health.
There are over one million LGBTQ+ elders in the US today, and studies find that they are more likely to have poor mental health. LGBTQ+ elders are 2 to 3 times more likely to live with depression. This is likely due to previous experiences of abuse — 82% of elderly LGBTQ+ individuals have experienced violence or abuse due to their sexuality or identity in their lifetime.
Queer elders can still protect their mental health by finding the right therapist, spending time outdoors, and connecting with the queer community in meaningful ways.
Therapy
Mental health is a major concern for everyone at the moment. However, queer elders may be particularly reticent to reach out to help and support from therapists. During their lifetime, therapy and psychiatric care may have been associated with harmful pseudo-treatments like so-called “conversion therapy”.
Queer elders can make the whole process easier by finding an LGBTQ+-friendly therapist. Unfortunately, this process can be tricky and tiresome. Social worker Amanda Frey explains that she “kissed many frogs before finding my current therapist.” Frey suggests that queer folks can expedite the process by being straightforward and stating what experience and knowledge are needed from a therapist before starting treatment.
Queer elders can also use LGBTQ+-friendly directories to start their search. Directories can help queer elders find and compare trusted practitioners before they enroll. However, not all listed therapists will be equal, and extra research may be needed to ensure it’s a good match.
Community Building
Isolation and loneliness are common experiences among older folks. As we age, our social bonds weaken and we lose people who are close to us. Isolation may be particularly common in the queer community.
Journalist and author Steven Petrow explains that queer folks are “twice as likely as our straight counterparts to be single and live alone.” Petrow goes on to explain that this may be because “LGBTQ people have often found themselves rejected by family, friends, and community,” and that, until 2015, LGBTQ+ people were not able to legally marry.
Petrow suggests that queer elders “can impart wisdom and experience to younger LGBTQ people”. This form of intergenerational community building ensures that everyone can find the support they need and create meaningful bonds.
However, “making friends” is a challenge for anyone — regardless of age, sexuality, or gender identity. Instead, queer elders can consider taking up hobbies for older adults. Hobbies like book clubs and art classes are particularly useful, as they encourage conversation and can reveal interests and ideas that haven’t been explored before.
An active social calendar later in life can mitigate feelings of loneliness, reduce the risk of cognitive conditions like dementia, and improve older folks’ physical health. Connecting with the LGBTQ+ community can give queer elders the chance to impart some of their well-earned wisdom, too.
Mobility and Exercise
Mobility restrictions are extremely common amongst older populations: 35% of people over 75 have mobility issues, and the majority of those over 85 have difficulties moving on their own. Mobility limitations can cause other issues, as fears about falling and hospitalization may prevent queer elders from getting out into the community.
Policy changes are required to help queer elders age with pride and full mobility. Current health disparities between straight and LGBTQ+ people mean that it’s more difficult for queer elders to get the help they need.
Queer elders who can find inclusive exercise groups in their area should take advantage of the opportunity to work up a sweat amongst allies and other queer folks. Recent research shows that light aerobic exercise can improve the mental health of adults over the age of 60. The study suggests that low-frequency, gentle aerobic exercise is best for preserving and improving mental health.
As such, queer elders should consider joining groups that promote exercise like:
- Water aerobics
- Brisk walking or jogging groups
- Tai Chi
- Exercise with a licensed PT
These exercises carry a minimal risk of injury and can promote better mental health and overall well-being. Ideally, queer elders should be able to find inclusive groups to join, as discrimination and abuse can still occur within groups of walkers and swimmers.
Queer elders face unique challenges as they age. Many queer elders are more likely to feel lonely in old age and may struggle to find supportive community groups. However, older queer people can find the support they need by locating an LGBTQ+-friendly therapist who understands the challenges they face and how to overcome them. Queer elders may also find support by engaging in community outreach and working with younger activists who may benefit from their wisdom and experience.