The Northeast’s two premier gay vacation destinations both evolved in isolated, tip-of-the-universe communities within an afternoon’s drive of major cities, but that’s where their similarities end. Cape Cod’s Provincetown and Long Island’s Fire Island are strikingly different breeds of the same general species. It’s not uncommon to find gay folks who love both towns, sometimes for different reasons, but most queer summer-resort habitues have developed a clear preference for one or the other.
Somewhat complicating comparisons is the fact that Fire Island’s GLBT communities, Cherry Grove and the Pines, themselves enjoy a good-natured rivalry. The two villages are separated both geographically — by a cruisy swath of sand and forest — and philosophically — by a vast gulf of attitude. Cherry Grove is the senior of the two villages, catering to an eclectic crowd: retirees, dykes with tikes, campy queens, artists, and a highly diverse bunch in terms of race, age, and style — everyone seems to fit in well in this low-keyed enclave. Houses here are generally funkier and more affordable than those in the Pines, which was developed more recently and has a mostly male, more upscale following. Domiciles in the Pines tend to be angular, sleek, and palatial; the crowd at Pines restaurants and bars is closer in style and attitude to the buffed, bronzed, and somewhat affluent bunch you might see wandering around Manhattan’s Chelsea neighborhood. You’ll find elements of both these populations in Provincetown, but without such obvious divisions.
If truly getting away from civilization is your intent, either community on Fire Island is a better choice than the whole of Provincetown. The Pines and Cherry Grove are accessible only by boat and are without streets or automobiles; they’re also nearly devoid of heteros (which can be fun for a few days but can feel a little Twilight Zonish after a week or two). Provincetown is equally remote (it’s at the tip of Cape Cod) but easier to get to, as you can drive here or take a high-speed ferry directly from Boston. Also, even during its summer peak, it’s still only about 50 percent gay, drawing a mix to its handful of museums, scads of shops, dozens of restaurants, and stunningly beautiful swath of Cape Cod National Seashore.
If you’re traveling with your lover or with friends, you’ll find that both destinations have plenty going for them, but that on Fire Island your day may revolve more closely around those in your party — there simply aren’t many places to wander off and do your own thing. It’s a good place to read, lie in the sun, and relax. In Provincetown, it’s not unheard of for a group of friends to arrive together and see each other only three or four more times during the rest of their stay. This is a decent-size town with numerous distractions and plenty of chances to meet new friends. For these reasons, if you’re traveling alone, Provincetown may be your better choice.
Because it has only a few hundred hotel rooms (most of which command more than $200 nightly), Fire Island draws fewer short-term visitors than it does weekly, monthly, or seasonal guests. If you’re an outsider, you may find it somewhat difficult to crack such an established, cliquey social scene; on the other hand, newcomers, especially by summer’s end, are often welcomed enthusiastically by the regulars who’ve by now grown a little weary of the island’s insularity. Provincetown has more than 50 gay-oriented guest houses and inns, and therefore has a steady turnover of visitors - you rarely see the same folks in the same bars every night.
Both towns have plenty of dance clubs and bars, but, again, on Fire Island you may have a more difficult time meeting other singles. This is very much a couples destination, although Cherry Grove has several bars that keep busy all day, all season long. The Pines has just a couple of nightlife spots, but they’re extremely popular and downright packed on weekends. If you do happen to meet somebody interesting, the odds that either of you have a single, private bedroom are rather slim, given how many visitors share rooms or crash with friends. This is one more reason Fire Island is a better destination if you’re bringing your own friend or lover, rather than seeking a new one. Because rooms are on average cheaper in Provincetown, there’s a better chance that you’ll meet somebody with a single room - in fact, P’town has a number of accommodations that fit modest budgets, even during the summer high season. Also, Provincetown has two great lesbian bars, and a couple others with a mixed following or occasional women’s nights. Fire Island’s nightlife is decidedly more male-oriented, especially in the Pines. Lesbians will definitely find more to do on Provincetown in terms of socializing and bar-hopping.
Both Fire Island and Provincetown can be visited as day trips from their closest big cities - New York City and Boston, respectively. However, some fairly ambitious planning is needed. To visit Fire Island in a day from New York, you either need to drive or take the Long Island Railroad to the town of Sayville (about 90 minutes), and then take a 30-minute ferry ride to either the Pines or Cherry Grove. During the summer high season, the last ferries from Cherry Grove and the Pines return to Sayville as late as 2 a.m. on weekends (but earlier on weekdays). The Long Island Railroad has return train service to New York City leaving as late as 12:30 in the morning. Ideally, give yourself a couple of nights to enjoy a visit to Fire Island. You’ll save money on hotels if you come during the week rather than on weekends, but you’ll also find Fire Island nightlife options quieter on weekdays.
To get from Boston to Provincetown, you can drive, but it’s a pretty long haul — two-and-a-half hours without traffic, and easily up to four hours on busy weekends in during the summer high season. A much simpler and quicker option is to take the 90-minute high-speed ferry from Boston, which docks right at the main wharf in Provincetown, just steps from shops, restaurants, and nightlife. Two different companies, Bay State Cruise Company and Boston Harbor Cruises, offer this service, but only from May through October. The earliest boats leave Boston at 8 a.m., and the last boats back to Boston depart from Provincetown at 8:30 p.m.
Finally, although both communities enjoy maximum crowds from about Memorial Day through Labor Day, Provincetown continues to draw a significant number of visitors through the late fall, and even into the barren but broodingly romantic winter months. Provincetown also hosts a wide range of events and theme weeks from spring through fall. Single Women’s Weekend and Women of Color & Allies Weekend are both in May, and Women’s Week takes place in October. Meet Your Man in Provincetown Weekend occurs each November, and Provincetown Summer Bear Week draws plenty of guys in the middle of July. The town also has a playwright’s festival (early April), JazzFest (early August), Circuit Party Week (early July), Carnival (late August), Tennessee Williams Theater Festival (late September), and Fantasia Fair (mid-October) — there seems to be a lot to do out here. Fire Island is a ghost town from mid-October through April, and you’ll find the most activity and the liveliest bars and nightclubs in July and August. Despite the increased crowds of summer, Fire Island and Provincetown both offer significantly cooler climates than mainland New York or Massachusetts. When the mercury rises above 90 degrees, these breezy and scenic getaways offer the perfect retreat from city life.
Andrew Collins is the author of Fodor’s Gay Guide to the USA and eight additional travel guides. He can be reached at OutofTown@qsyndicate.com.
The Little Black Book
Cape Cod National Seashore web page www.nps.gov/caco
Fire Island Cherry Grove Website www.cherrygrove.com
Fire Island Pines Website www.fipines.com
Gay Fire Island Website www.fireislandqnews.com
Fire Island National Seashore web page www.nps.gov/fiis
Long Island Convention and Visitors Bureau www.discoverlongisland.com
Provincetown Business Guild www.ptown.org
Provincetown Chamber of Commerce www.ptownchamber.com
Financial Planning for the LGBTQ+ community
The new year has arrived. For many people, that means making resolutions and thinking of ways they can do better in the coming year and beyond. Money management and financial planning are often very popular resolutions and goals, but most financial advice tends to be aimed at heterosexual couples who want to grow their family and raise children.
But, what if your life goals are different? What if you don’t receive the same protection under the current laws as hetero couples?
What if you don’t want to have kids?
Financial planning is a great way to start your year on the right foot, but if you’re a part of the queer and childfree, you might need to make a few more adjustments than your hetero friends.
Let’s take a look at some strategies you can use in the new year to get your finances in order in a way that fits your lifestyle.
The Challenges You Might Face
Facing your challenges
Photo by x ) on Unsplash
Depending on where you live, there might be certain legal protections and benefits in place that can help you with financial planning. However, not all states offer those protections, which can do more harm than good and create a few challenges for you as you plan for your financial future.
For example, if you’re not legally married, you aren’t eligible for things like inheritance laws and social security benefits. No matter how long you’ve been with your partner, it’s required by law that you be married to receive those protections. Furthermore, many states have not yet established anti-discrimination laws. This means that, depending on your location, you might not have protection against things like:
- Housing costs
- Access to credit
- Healthcare access
Putting a strong, legal-approached financial plan in place now will not only help to prepare you for the future but will give you a better idea of the challenges you might have to face as you get older. It’s often worthwhile to find a financial advisor who specializes in working with LGBTQIA+ individuals and couples. They’ll be able to help you make smart decisions with your money and keep you up-to-date with the laws and protections in your state.
A financial advisor can also help with roadblocks you might face if you’re on a budget and need money quickly. For example, pulling money out of a retirement account early generally isn’t a good idea. If you make early withdrawals, a 10% early distribution tax is added. However, if you have a permanent disability, qualifying medical costs, or need financial assistance with caregiving, you may be able to draw from it early without penalty. A financial advisor can point you in the right direction and protect you from penalties.
Making Investment Purchases
While you may have more disposable income without children to provide for, it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t do your due diligence when making larger purchases. These larger, investment purchases may not always follow the same trajectory as traditional, heteronormative purchases do — e.g., weddings, big houses, and then family-sized vans. Of course, you can choose to follow this trajectory or stray from this path according to your specific lifestyle. In any case, you want to watch out for discrimination when making any big purchases. Make sure to vet the company you are working with. Look at reviews and ask around in the community. Also, do your research on protections against discrimination.
For example, find out what U.S. laws protect LGBTQIA+ homebuyers. Anti-discrimination laws can only build on federal housing laws, so check your state for extra protections. When buying a car, make sure you don’t fall victim to scammy sales tactics. Even though LGBTQ+ credit discrimination is illegal, there are still systemic issues that cause credit issuers — including car dealerships — to have misconceptions about the community. It’s best to remain vigilant just in case.
For instance, you may have just one income to rely on and are in the market for a used car. When purchasing a used car, ask smart questions to avoid financial mistakes. Consider asking the car salesperson:
- What is the vehicle’s history — including service records, wrecks, or even reported theft of the vehicle?
- Are there any previous or current problems you have noticed with the vehicle?
- What services were done to prepare the car for sale?
- What is included with the car — including any preinstalled upgrades, warranties, or the number of keys on hand?
- What is the policy to return a car after purchase?
These questions may seem invasive, but they are actually investigative and, often, necessary. Avoid covert discrimination in the form of “pulling the wool over your eyes” because you are unfairly perceived as uninformed at the car dealership — come prepared. This goes for any costly purchase, so do your research and prepare for any curveballs that come your way.
Starting Fresh Financial Habits in the New Year
No matter the challenges you face — either legally or personally — one of the best ways to boost your financial wellness in the new year is to create healthier habits. Create a budget for yourself that allows you to live the lifestyle you want while preparing for the future. Maybe you’re thinking about having children someday and want to start saving now. Maybe you know that parenthood isn’t for you but you want a comfortable retirement. Some of the best ways to save, even when you’re on a tight budget, include:
- Cutting down on excessive expenses
- Finding a side gig
- Asking for a raise at work
- Chipping away at debt
- Eating at home more often
- Adjusting your paycheck withholdings.
It’s never too soon to start planning and preparing for the future — whether you live alone, with roommates, with a partner, or with a spouse. Keep these tips in mind to overcome financial hurdles and make the most of your financial vision, this year and beyond.
Slane Irish Whiskey bottles
Disclaimer: My trip was provided courtesy of a press trip but all opinions about the trip and events are my own. Please note there are affiliate links and at no additional cost to you, I may earn a commission if you make a purchase.
Whiskey has been hitting the shelves left and right lately taking up aisles and aisles. All good things if you ask me. I took a quick trip out to Atlanta for a review of Slane Irish Whiskey. I know what you’re thinking. Atlanta and Irish Whiskey? I was waiting for the connection but there wasn’t one, except for the people I met but let’s start from the beginning, shall we?
Visiting a Garden That Gives Back to the Community
The garden at A Sip of Paradise
Photo courtesy of A Sip of Paradise
The first thing on the list is to visit a place called A Sip of Paradise. This non-profit garden space caters to bartenders and people in the hospitality industry. It’s a place where everyone can gather for specific events, help maintain the garden, borrow from the garden, and create a sense of community. It’s a safe space where you can recharge the body, mind, and soul through gardening and health and wellness programs and so much more.
As the day unfolded, we learned how the garden space was created, why it was created, and how it thrives. Anyone in the hospitality industry can tell you that it is sometimes grueling hard work. It takes a toll on the body, mind, and at times, the spirit. Walking among the various plants and flowers, you get a sense of grounding. You take care of and nurture these plants so they will grow and thrive in the sultry weather. You leave your troubles behind as your focus turns to the garden, the people, and the stories they share.
As luck would have it, it poured down rain and we couldn’t go out and weed the garden. Then the rain stopped. Then it started again. Then finally, it stopped. During the rain, we huddled together under pop-up tents and shared stories and cocktails. We learned the stories of a few members and we learned how they give back to the community that has helped them along the way.
This. This is the connection. Slane Irish Whiskey (and company) is long rooted in community, music, sustainability, and a yearning for leaving the world a better place than they found it. Cliche, I know. But the work that A Sip of Paradise does on a daily basis is the same work Slane Distillery is doing. Building a legacy.
These people are more than mere bartenders, mixologists, and drink slingers. There were trailblazers and celebrities in their own right. They were are giving back. They were are making a difference. All the while making amazing cocktails.
A Sip of Paradise’s principles are easy. Come together as a community. Partake in the care of the garden space, take what you need, and give what you can.
Inside the Epicurean Hotel Atlanta
Epicurean Hotel Atlanta
Photo courtesy of Epicurean Hotel Atlanta, Autograph Collection by Marriott
I was staying in the heart of Midtown Atlanta at the Epicurean Hotel. This isn’t your typical run-of-the-mill hotel–it’s a food-themed boutique hotel. Instead of checking in at the front desk or speaking with a concierge person, you actually check in at the host desk inside the first-floor restaurant called Reverence. Upon checking in, you’re offered your choice of a complimentary beer or glass of wine. (impressed already).
Each floor is food themed. I happened to be staying on the Pinot Noir floor. Fitting I know. I have the sense that it didn’t matter what floor I was on! The room was great and wouldn’t you know, there was a bar with snacks. Not one of those tiny little minibars, but a full-on wall dedicated to all things booze. There were shelves with wine on them, spirits, and snacks. Some were complimentary so as I sipped my complimentary wine, I had some snacks as I relaxed and pretended to get some work done before meeting the group downstairs.
Reverence is the main restaurant where you not only dine and drink, but this is where I checked into my hotel. It’s an open kitchen concept with plenty of seating in and around the kitchen. Elegantly designed and decorated to make you feel right at home.
If you want a bit more casual, you can head to Aerial Kitchen and Bar situated next to the swimming pool and cabanas. Seating is like sitting in your familiar backyard and hanging out with friends. The open concept means you’re sitting outside enjoying the weather.
If you’re not quite ready for dining, you can head over to The Office Bar and cocktails. Don’t worry, if you do end up getting hungry, you can order from the eclectic menu.
Perhaps the shining jewel of the hotel would be the cooking theater. The Epicurean Theatre is built for demonstrations, teachings, or any group event where you can learn various cooking techniques.
There’s a Sky Terrance where you can take in the views of Atlanta’s skyline or just lounge around on the large lawn space taking a break from work, or perhaps you’re working remotely. It’s a perfect setting to do that.
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Cooking Demonstrations with Whiskey Pairings
Chef preparing for his cooking demonstration at the Epicurean Theatre
Photo credit of Joe Eats World
Most of the amazing people we met in the garden were attending the dinner along with a few local writers, bloggers, and fellow lovers of food. One of the Slane Irish Whiskey Ambassadors was there to give us a bit more history on Slane Distillery.
Slane Irish Whiskey is triple distilled and triple casked using virgin barrels, seasoned barrels, and sherry. Slane works on sustainability, renewable energy, and a lower carbon footprint. Toss in the whiskey, music, and oh, a rebuilt Irish Castle and you get some pretty amazing history. The castle is used for tours, weddings, and music venues. Some of the biggest names in music have either visited or played at the castle.
Our dinner was a paring of three different expressions of Slane’s whiskey. Dinner was a four-course experience where we feasted on chilled half-shell oysters, hot and sour pork belly bao buns, scallops n grits, and orange-cured summer peaches. We finished off the evening with another Slane Irish Whiskey coffee old fashioned. Honestly, I didn’t think I was going to sleep that night but curiously, it wasn’t a problem.
Having Brunch Before Heading to the Airport
The James Room entrance
Photo courtesy of Joe Eats World
The next day we set out for The James Room. Their website opens with We’re a Vibe and I have to agree. We were told about The James Room but upon arriving and walking through the glass doors, you’re taken aback because we were supposed to have cocktails and brunch with Tiffanie Barriere. Instead what I walked into was a coffee and pastry shop with a few tables to either side of me and a coffee counter directly ahead. Intriguing.
As we were talking, one of our new friends came walking through one of the side doors and asked us to follow her. Blown away doesn’t even begin to describe what happened next. You know that point in Wizard of Oz when Dorothy walks around her house after the tornado and it’s filmed in Black and White and then she opens the door and walks outside into technicolor? That’s literally what happened to me. As the door opened, another world opened up.
The room was dimly lit in a perfect way, to my left was a very long wrap-around bar and behind (or in front, depending on how you’re standing) were various seating booths with velvet and leather seats. Words of welcome and greetings came from all around as we reunited with more of our friends from the garden.
As we were waiting for brunch, we stood around with cocktails of course, and chatted about the previous day's events when we were almost rained out of gardening! Once brunch was out of the way, it was time to get busy, we were there for an Irish coffee workshop after all. Obviously, we were going to be using Slane Whiskey as the main ingredient. We received a demo of how the Irish coffee is built and then we were on our own to recreate said coffee. We all did pretty well if you ask me but then again, it was 10:30 in the morning and we were already on cocktail two or three and we were flying out in a few hours.
It was a whirlwind event. In less than 24 hours, I met some of the most amazing humans, had some amazing cocktails made from Slane Irish Whiskey of course, ate some absolutely delicious food, and at noon I was on my way back to the airport. My only regret is that the events didn’t last longer. It was definitely not enough time to explore and experience the wonders that Atlanta’s food scene and cocktail scenes have to offer. Especially that hotel. My God, that hotel.
One More Whiskey Tasting After I Return to Chicago
Irish Coffee using Slane Irish Whiskey
Photo courtesy of Joe Eats World
Fast forward a few weeks later as I’m back home in Chicago, I get invited to a dinner and whiskey tasting for Slane. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to make the dinner but I did get a chance to hang out a The Kerryman and experience blending my own whiskey and tasting even more Slane Irish Whiskey concoctions. We laughed about the rainstorm in Atlanta and talked about how amazing the people were, how good the food was, and how we went through A LOT of whiskey. One of the reps from a GlenDronach Scotch and Cheese pairing event I attended was there and we talked about how amazing everything there was.
If you’re a whiskey fan, you should do yourself a favor and pick up a bottle or 2 of Slane’s. They’re making some pretty good stuff. Even though they’re a young-ish company, they have some great things on the horizon.
This post was originally published on Joe Eats World
Mental Health for LGBTQ+ Aging Adults
Queer elders have made a big impact on the world. Queer folks over the age of 65 were around during the Stonewall Movement in the 1960s and may have even campaigned to improve the rights and freedoms of LGBTQ+ people around the world.
But, as queer elders enter later life, they may need to find new ways to protect and preserve their mental health.
There are over one million LGBTQ+ elders in the US today, and studies find that they are more likely to have poor mental health. LGBTQ+ elders are 2 to 3 times more likely to live with depression. This is likely due to previous experiences of abuse — 82% of elderly LGBTQ+ individuals have experienced violence or abuse due to their sexuality or identity in their lifetime.
Queer elders can still protect their mental health by finding the right therapist, spending time outdoors, and connecting with the queer community in meaningful ways.
Therapy
Mental health is a major concern for everyone at the moment. However, queer elders may be particularly reticent to reach out to help and support from therapists. During their lifetime, therapy and psychiatric care may have been associated with harmful pseudo-treatments like so-called “conversion therapy”.
Queer elders can make the whole process easier by finding an LGBTQ+-friendly therapist. Unfortunately, this process can be tricky and tiresome. Social worker Amanda Frey explains that she “kissed many frogs before finding my current therapist.” Frey suggests that queer folks can expedite the process by being straightforward and stating what experience and knowledge are needed from a therapist before starting treatment.
Queer elders can also use LGBTQ+-friendly directories to start their search. Directories can help queer elders find and compare trusted practitioners before they enroll. However, not all listed therapists will be equal, and extra research may be needed to ensure it’s a good match.
Community Building
Isolation and loneliness are common experiences among older folks. As we age, our social bonds weaken and we lose people who are close to us. Isolation may be particularly common in the queer community.
Journalist and author Steven Petrow explains that queer folks are “twice as likely as our straight counterparts to be single and live alone.” Petrow goes on to explain that this may be because “LGBTQ people have often found themselves rejected by family, friends, and community,” and that, until 2015, LGBTQ+ people were not able to legally marry.
Petrow suggests that queer elders “can impart wisdom and experience to younger LGBTQ people”. This form of intergenerational community building ensures that everyone can find the support they need and create meaningful bonds.
However, “making friends” is a challenge for anyone — regardless of age, sexuality, or gender identity. Instead, queer elders can consider taking up hobbies for older adults. Hobbies like book clubs and art classes are particularly useful, as they encourage conversation and can reveal interests and ideas that haven’t been explored before.
An active social calendar later in life can mitigate feelings of loneliness, reduce the risk of cognitive conditions like dementia, and improve older folks’ physical health. Connecting with the LGBTQ+ community can give queer elders the chance to impart some of their well-earned wisdom, too.
Mobility and Exercise
Mobility restrictions are extremely common amongst older populations: 35% of people over 75 have mobility issues, and the majority of those over 85 have difficulties moving on their own. Mobility limitations can cause other issues, as fears about falling and hospitalization may prevent queer elders from getting out into the community.
Policy changes are required to help queer elders age with pride and full mobility. Current health disparities between straight and LGBTQ+ people mean that it’s more difficult for queer elders to get the help they need.
Queer elders who can find inclusive exercise groups in their area should take advantage of the opportunity to work up a sweat amongst allies and other queer folks. Recent research shows that light aerobic exercise can improve the mental health of adults over the age of 60. The study suggests that low-frequency, gentle aerobic exercise is best for preserving and improving mental health.
As such, queer elders should consider joining groups that promote exercise like:
- Water aerobics
- Brisk walking or jogging groups
- Tai Chi
- Exercise with a licensed PT
These exercises carry a minimal risk of injury and can promote better mental health and overall well-being. Ideally, queer elders should be able to find inclusive groups to join, as discrimination and abuse can still occur within groups of walkers and swimmers.
Queer elders face unique challenges as they age. Many queer elders are more likely to feel lonely in old age and may struggle to find supportive community groups. However, older queer people can find the support they need by locating an LGBTQ+-friendly therapist who understands the challenges they face and how to overcome them. Queer elders may also find support by engaging in community outreach and working with younger activists who may benefit from their wisdom and experience.