Well, no surprise here. Juliette is still shirking her responsibilities as a mom and leaving Avery with the baby. But she called a band rehearsal and forgot to tell one very important band member: Avery. He lectures her about finding a balance in being a mom, wife and performer.
Meanwhile, Deacon thinks Rayna has taken off on a private plane for label business, but she is actually flying to Biloxi to slap some sense into Deacon’s sister, Beverly. She finds the heartless sibling at her waitress job. Rayna begs Beverly to save his life, leading Bev to have a cheesy, photoshopped flashback of her and Deacon in their younger days. They were once very close.
Guess who is back in town? Zoey? Sadie? Scarlett’s real accent? No. It’s Kylie and she’s on Gunnar’s doorstep looking for Micah. Right then and there he confronts her about the kid being Jason’s and not his. He refuses to forgive her and leaves her in tears on his front porch. Kylie abandoned her kid with a guy she knew wasn’t even the baby daddy and she is still a better mother than Juliette.
Puke is hanging out in Los Angeles with Xtina (Jade St. John) and the two are prepping for a big party. Poor Layla (who is in town with Jade because they just played the Staples Center) doesn’t have anything to wear to the soiree and Creepy continues to rain on her parade since she insists on remaining connected to Jade.
And there’s more bad news for Juliette to freak out about. Glenn and Bucky explain there isn’t a concert promoter in town who will plunk down any change to get a tour together for her. When Bucky explains she needs to play some smaller venues and release an album to get the ball rolling she tells him to “Go to hell.”
Meanwhile, Deacon comes home to strange noises and he assumes Scarlett is home early, but it’s not Skeletal Scar raiding her Ho Ho stash in the clothes hamper. It’s Maddie and Colt (AKA: Puke, Junior) and they are both in the bedroom hurriedly putting clothes back on. Deacon chases Colt out of the house and orders Maddie to get her school-skipping, boy-humping ass in the car.
Scarlett plans to be Dr. Hottiepants’ (Caleb’s) date at some high falootin’ country club event, but first she and Gunnar have a radio performance and interview. Gunnar tells Scarlett (who has now taken to dressing like Laura Ingalls) about Kylie being back in town, but they are interrupted by interview time with the fictional indie station WZPZ. For those of you living under a rock, Nashville’s ACTUAL independent radio station is Lightning 100 (WRLT). I guess ABC had nothing to gain by promoting a real, local, non-corporate radio station.
Deacon takes Maddie back to Rayna’s house and Juliette (looking for Rayna) comes in just in time for Deacon to explain what is going on. Juliette offers to talk to her and Maddie pours her heart out, explaining they weren’t playing hide the pickle. They were just fooling around. Juliette doesn’t exactly tell her to not have sex, but she does clarify that when she does decide to take the plunge, it needs to be for the right reasons. Then Maddie makes the most ironic statement I’ve heard in like, ever, saying “You’re going to be an amazing mom.”
I guess the hooker that is framing Teddy grew a conscience, so she calls him to warn him she was wearing a wire to set him up. Then the hoochie has the stones to ask him for forgiveness. We next see Teddy hunting for his passport, then he calls Deacon and offers to pick Daphne and Maddie up from school.
Not one to take no for an answer, Rayna continues to stalk Beverly (this time as she leaves work) and tries to talk her into donating her liver. Then, Beverly has another photoshopped flashback of her and Deacon performing at a bar and Rayna (with a BAD flashback wig) walks in.
After Juliette has her talk with Mads, Deacon tells her about his cancer and Juliette (who shows she has a heart) doesn’t take it very well.
At Jade’s place, the party is in full swing and Puke doesn’t know what to think of the pretentious Hollywood movers and shakers. Creepy (sometimes known as Jeff) is also put off by the whole thing and the two start drinking together. Good idea. Find the douche corner and sit in it, guys.
Kylie is still waiting for Gunnar when he returns and insists she didn’t cheat on him. She explains that she was at a party with Gunnar and his brother (back when she and Gunnar were still a couple) and she was getting drunk and tired, so she went upstairs to lie down for a bit. She goes on to explain, to Gunnar’s horror, that Jason raped her.
Now, we are back to Beverly’s flashbacks, which are getting worse than watching old Lorrie Morgan videos. In this particular piece of nostalgia, we learn Rayna invited Deacon and Beverly to be in her band – Deacon as the guitar player and Beverly as a backup singer. Beverly begs Deacon not to go on the road with Rayna because they were supposed to try to make it big as a duo. But Deacon chooses Rayna and Beverly is left to continue to perform at the local watering hole in Biloxi. And that is where Rayna next goes to stalk her.
At Jade’s mermaid-themed party, Puke gets a call from Deacon who tells him about kicking Colt out of the house and his caught-with-his-pants down moment with Maddie. Puke begins to pack to get back to Nashville. But he’s also packing up to leave because he is ending his relationship with Fake St. John. And the look Xtina gives him when he leaves makes me think we haven’t seen the last of her.
As Deacon is having some special daughter-father time with Mads, Teddy shows up with Daphne and he gives both girls a heart pendant necklace from Tiffany’s. He takes one long look back at the girls before leaving what I assume is the country.
Not to stay in the shadows for long, Juliette decides to stage an impromptu concert on the roof of her record label that is apparently not located on Music Row, but downtown. Crowds begin to rush towards the building as a helicopter shoots light on to the show from above. The show is an immediate hit.
Jade’s party continues and Creepy isn’t thrilled to see Layla making out with a random famous musician hottie. Jeff tries to separate them, but Layla tells him to get over it and that she is doing it to get noticed. Look, Layla, whatever the reason, we are just grateful your lips aren’t on Jeff right now.
Scarlett gets worried about Gunnar and stops by his house after her date with Caleb. She is obviously unhappy about Kylie still at his house and they get into yet another fight where instead of telling one another how they truly feel, they begin to pick at each other’s faults resulting in Scarlett having the last word and storming off. Well, it wouldn’t be an episode of Nashville without SOMEONE getting pissed and storming off. But instead of going home, Scarlett heads on over to Dr. Hottiepants’ house.
Tired of babysitting a drunk Layla, Jeff tries to escort her out of the party and she drops her phone and purse and curls up on a bench. He pick up her phone and begins to Tweet a photo of her with Jade and the random famous musician hottie. You see, Jade has a rule that photos don’t go public from her parties. Well, it was just a matter of time that Creepy would come flying out of his Creepy cocoon and go back to his Creepy ways.
Puke, Jr. (Colt) picks his dad up from the airport and Puke tells him that everyone makes mistakes and gets caught up in the moment. But, Colt is obviously smarter than his father when it comes to matters of the heart. He tells Puke “Maddie isn’t a mistake. I am guessing Jade was.”
As Teddy is in his office and writing his goodbye notes to Daphne, Maddie and Rayna, his old friend, Dash, with the US Attorney’s Office walks in. Dash has some good news. He wants to extricate Mayor Teddy from the investigation altogether. But he needs Teddy to do something for him first.
While Avery and Juliette were out trying to re-launch Juliette’s career, Emily was back at their house watching the baby. Once they relieve Emily, they try to get a little hot and heavy, but the baby begins to cry and Juliette is once again miffed at the responsibilities of being a parent. If it weren’t for Avery, that kid would already be in foster care.
Back in Mississippi, Rayna is still stalking Beverly and this time she shows up at her home. Rayna hands her a piece of paper and says “I’m hoping that’s going to change your mind.” As Rayna walks away, Beverly unfolds the paper and it’s a check – for a million bucks.
Hell, for a million bucks, Deacon can have my liver. And a kidney if he wants.
While we’re at it, can we buy baby Cadence a new mom and Puke a brain and Creepy a heart? It’s like The Wizard of Oz only with bad accents and tired plotlines.