Let’s take a break from the insanity of politics and take a journey to a place I like to call fake Nashville. Join me, my little belated Valentines.

So, Maddie is all pissed off (I know. I, too, am shocked) that Rayna has upped security for everyone now that her stalker has made bail. Both Daphne and Madds have to have a security guard with them every time they leave the house.

And our brief, but oh so wonderful break from Juliette is over. We see her in Bible study with Hallie. As they leave church, Juliette tells Hallie she wants to record a gospel album with her and the choir. Hallie isn’t thrilled with the idea. Juliette says that the music speaks to her. So do the demon voices in her head, but I don’t see her wanting to make an album about it.

Damien is meeting Scarlett for lunch to talk about whatever it is between them. He says they will chat and have a nice meal and then, she will go home and decide if she wants to see him again. Intriguing, Damien. However, this is Scarlett and not Juliette. I wouldn’t be surprised if Scarlett runs out of there screaming and ends up volunteering to vaccinate orphans in El Salvadore.

So, stalker guy ends up at Rayna’s house and he must stay within 300 feet of the place. He literally stands outside while security guards shine flashlights and point guns at him. It makes Deacon bonkers and he wants to confront him. The security team insists they can’t do anything as long as the guy remains 300 feet from the house. Rayna isn’t able to sleep and she has the CMT Music Awards coming up. Shameless plug, CMT, but at least you aren’t as bad as ABC.

Daphne has been acting weird and when she calls Maddie from school, it seems our little Daph is becoming a woman. Aunt Flo has come to visit for the first time and she needs a change of clothes. She tells Madds not to say anything to Rayna. What the hell, Daph? You prefer Maddie help you out? The same Maddie who lost her virginity on a dirty tour bus?

Deacon takes his frustrated self over to his old house where Scarlett is waffling over her mandecision. I can make this easier for her. I will take them both. Now, those orphans aren’t going to vaccinate themselves, Scrawny. Anyway, she tells Deacon about her problem and he starts on about exploring the darker part of himself and he wonders if Scarlett is doing the same. Oh, Deacon, the darkest part of Scarlett is the time she wore all black and it made her feel icky.

Maddie does call Rayna who finds Daphne in the school bathroom. She drops her off a bag of clothes and supplies, but Daphne ain’t coming out of that bathroom stall. After school, Daphne is laying into Maddie (because somebody should for several reasons) and instead of talking to her sister, Madds walks out the door ordering Rayna to deal with it. If Maddie was my kid, she would be in a strict prep school on the other side of the galaxy by now. I hope the Nashville writers understand she’s an insufferable brat.

Back at the church, Juliette (with some help from Hallie) is trying to talk the choir into recording an album with her. They are flattered, but have questions. Juliette wants them to be partners in recording and helping her with exploring the music. She gets some push back because she has only been into gospel and church for a few months. One girl gives her serious attitude and now that girl is my new favorite person.

Scarlett goes over to see Gunnar and tells him she had lunch with Damien and sweet Gunn Gunn is obviously wounded. She says she can’t see anyone romantically right now. Whoa, Scar Scar, who jumped from Avery to Gunnar. Now, all of the sudden, she wants to be single? Nah, she’s jumping to Damien. I get it. His accent is real.

In the recording studio, Avery is recording some of his new music and Juliette seems unimpressed. Back at home, after the church fiasco, Avery asks her about his recording session and she tells him she thinks he’s moved past this angry guy music. When did Juliette get to be all Zen about everything? Two weeks of church doesn’t make you Buddha. Have several seats.

Rayna wants to do something special for Daphne now that she has her lady time. Deacon is adorable and suggests throwing her a period party. Dear Jebus, where was this period party when I was twelve years old? ANYWAY, Deacon wants to do a late night recording session with Rayna later. Of course, let’s set it up so Rayna is out late at night for the stalker to get her.

Juliette goes back to the church and eats humble pie because she got lippy with a group of people she knows absolutely nothing about. She admits to sinning a lot and hurting everybody she loves. Do not give them a pity party, Juliette. She says she wants to share and honor their gift with the world and she hopes it will cause other hearts to open up and blah, blah, blah. Zen Juliette is back and being all inspirational. This is the same woman who nearly used her own baby as a weapon. I’m not buying it. Regardless, the choir agrees to do the album with her.

Maddie is out without her security guard to see Clay playing at The 5 Spot. But, Rayna follows her with two security guards. Rayna listens to Clay and she’s impressed. She wants him to stop by her record label for a chat. If ONLY record deals went down so easily. Before she leaves, she makes Maddie promise to have a security guard escort her home.

Back at Damien’s hotel, he and Scarlett have had sexy time and she is ready to love and leave. But, he isn’t ready for that and coaxes her back between the sheets. I am going to say this now. Gunnar is hotter and Scarlett is an idiot.

Rayna gets to the office to work before recording with Deacon. Her security guard checks out her office building and then goes back to his car parked out front. Okay, forgive me, but I’ve seen enough security details around artists and none of them stay in the car unless there is another guard inside. Anyway, as Ray Ray listens to some tracks, her stalker comes out from the shadows wielding a knife. He says he wants to talk to her. He got in by sneaking into the office the day before and hiding in the broom closet. He’s nutty, but he wants to tell her that she understands him more than anyone. Then, he starts to get unstable and discusses his alcoholic, abusive father and compares him to Deacon. (Watch it, stalker man. Leave our Deacon out of this.) Then, she turns the tables on him and discusses her own personal story of abuse. How her whacko father killed her mother and then covered it up. She talks about Deacon’s father beating him and forcing him to turn to the bottle. As he sits in the floor in tears, she dials 911, but he hears her and she drops the phone. He get the knife out and she makes a run for it. He grabs her about the time the security team runs in, guns drawn. He puts the knife to her throat and she tries to talk him down. Stalker guy apologizes and drops the knife.

In a squad car on her way, home Rayna calls Deacon and she is understandably hysterical. As she tries to explain what happened, the squad car is struck by a truck.

And that is how things ended. Look, CMT. ABC already pulled a car accident stunt, so you need to go back to the drawing board with this one. And keep in mind a plane crash has already happened, as well.  Thankfully, the liquor store is still open. I need something strong after that pile.

See also:

NASHVILLE recap: "If Tomorrow Never Comes" (Season 5 Episode 9)

NASHVILLE recap: "Stand Beside Me" (Season 5 Episode 8)

NASHVILLE recap: "Hurricane" (Season 5 Episode 7)