“Why am I such a misfit?” That line, sung by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and the little elf in the Christmas classic that I watched four million times as a child, seems to apply to my life now as a 28-year-old man. I have been feeling a little lost, doubtful — even jealous.
I have tried to become the best person that I can be. (No, I’m not in the Army. Don’t ask, don’t tell!)
Sure, I have limitations, but I feel at this point that I have earned that distinguished line for my obituary: “He was a good person.” However, the limitations that have influenced me to pursue what I felt was important in life now leave me with doubt about where and who I am today.
I’m apprehensive, wondering whether I should enter my land of toys as a “misfit” where I will thrive. Or maybe there is some other path that I am supposed to travel on.
I look back and wonder whether I ever really let my hair down and acted “crazy.” Sure, I used to drape a bath towel over my head and pretend I had long hair, but that isn’t what I’m talking about. I’ve always acted older than my age, and I wonder whether I would be more sure of myself today if I hadn’t exercised such caution. Would I have a huge group of friends? Would I be going to parties and clubs, rejecting phone numbers and advances because they weren’t my type?
When I go to functions or interact with other gay people my age, I feel as if I don’t fit in. My waist size is 35, and I wear clothes from the clearance racks. I find success in my actual work and not in salaries, cars and pencil pants. I don’t really date, and I have never had a boyfriend. I don’t go to clubs and dance to music that can send some into epileptic seizures. My Facebook page has less than 500 friends.
I educated myself as much as I could and I still do, but why? Would I be happier if I hadn’t sacrificed to learn or if I had gotten drunk all the time and acted crazy? Would people like me more? If I hadn’t inhaled every calorie in sight, would my once-thin body have stayed that way instead of ballooning into the shape of an apple? Does my size matter?
When fitting in with my age group wasn’t working out, I tried fitting in with an older crowd by tagging along with an invited friend to social functions. I once jumped in shock as a shorter, stout man tried to grope the areas they warned about in public service announcements on Sesame Street. I zoned out as discussions of politics and house renovations left me dreading home ownership.
So what is it? Why do I find myself wanting what I don’t have and what I’ve said in the past I don’t want? Why does the sight of fellow gay people in relationships make me ask myself why I am single? How do I stop those thoughts? How do I know if who I am and what I do is right?
I look back to my childhood in the ’80s for the answer. Back then, it was always time for afternoon TV after I had had lunch and played outside.
Now I sometimes wish I were He-Man, pulling out some sort of ancient sparkly sword and declaring that I, with the power of self-confidence, will protect the very core of the values and choices that I felt were necessary.
I wish that I could just stick out my stomach and, being the “bear” that I am, change people’s perceptions and judgments with some sort of magically inspired tattoo shooting from my gut. Care Bear Stare!
I wish I could relieve my doubts and calm my worries within 30 minutes (including commercial breaks, which take an eternity to a kid in his grandmother’s living room).
But I can’t. Despite medical advances and plastic surgery, I can’t transform into iconic fictional characters from my childhood. I’m here in 2009, trying to live with the choices I have made and be confident in the person I have become.
I have one life to work with. My path has had plenty of obstacles, and it may not be as pretty and paved as some, but it’s mine. I have to remind myself of that so I can put away doubt and jealousy and make the contributions to our world that I can. Otherwise I might as well have been a cartoon, entertaining and fun, but something that you eventually lose interest in.
My friends are who they are, and I have accomplished every goal that I have set. So what if I don’t text 10,000 times a month, date every week, or squeeze into size 31 jeans.
It’s OK that I don’t pretend to be a host on HGTV and grab younger men’s buttocks and make bad jokes.
I’m a person who has come from something and who will go on to somewhere. I just have to be ready to take the journey — as only I know how to take it.
Financial Planning for the LGBTQ+ community
Financial planning is a great way to start your year on the right foot, but if you’re a part of the queer and childfree, you might need to make a few more adjustments than your hetero friends.
Let’s take a look at some strategies you can use in the new year to get your finances in order in a way that fits your lifestyle.
The Challenges You Might Face
Facing your challenges
Photo by x ) on Unsplash
Depending on where you live, there might be certain legal protections and benefits in place that can help you with financial planning. However, not all states offer those protections, which can do more harm than good and create a few challenges for you as you plan for your financial future.
For example, if you’re not legally married, you aren’t eligible for things like inheritance laws and social security benefits. No matter how long you’ve been with your partner, it’s required by law that you be married to receive those protections. Furthermore, many states have not yet established anti-discrimination laws. This means that, depending on your location, you might not have protection against things like:
- Housing costs
- Access to credit
- Healthcare access
Putting a strong, legal-approached financial plan in place now will not only help to prepare you for the future but will give you a better idea of the challenges you might have to face as you get older. It’s often worthwhile to find a financial advisor who specializes in working with LGBTQIA+ individuals and couples. They’ll be able to help you make smart decisions with your money and keep you up-to-date with the laws and protections in your state.
A financial advisor can also help with roadblocks you might face if you’re on a budget and need money quickly. For example, pulling money out of a retirement account early generally isn’t a good idea. If you make early withdrawals, a 10% early distribution tax is added. However, if you have a permanent disability, qualifying medical costs, or need financial assistance with caregiving, you may be able to draw from it early without penalty. A financial advisor can point you in the right direction and protect you from penalties.
Making Investment Purchases
While you may have more disposable income without children to provide for, it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t do your due diligence when making larger purchases. These larger, investment purchases may not always follow the same trajectory as traditional, heteronormative purchases do — e.g., weddings, big houses, and then family-sized vans. Of course, you can choose to follow this trajectory or stray from this path according to your specific lifestyle. In any case, you want to watch out for discrimination when making any big purchases. Make sure to vet the company you are working with. Look at reviews and ask around in the community. Also, do your research on protections against discrimination.
For example, find out what U.S. laws protect LGBTQIA+ homebuyers. Anti-discrimination laws can only build on federal housing laws, so check your state for extra protections. When buying a car, make sure you don’t fall victim to scammy sales tactics. Even though LGBTQ+ credit discrimination is illegal, there are still systemic issues that cause credit issuers — including car dealerships — to have misconceptions about the community. It’s best to remain vigilant just in case.
For instance, you may have just one income to rely on and are in the market for a used car. When purchasing a used car, ask smart questions to avoid financial mistakes. Consider asking the car salesperson:
- What is the vehicle’s history — including service records, wrecks, or even reported theft of the vehicle?
- Are there any previous or current problems you have noticed with the vehicle?
- What services were done to prepare the car for sale?
- What is included with the car — including any preinstalled upgrades, warranties, or the number of keys on hand?
- What is the policy to return a car after purchase?
These questions may seem invasive, but they are actually investigative and, often, necessary. Avoid covert discrimination in the form of “pulling the wool over your eyes” because you are unfairly perceived as uninformed at the car dealership — come prepared. This goes for any costly purchase, so do your research and prepare for any curveballs that come your way.
Starting Fresh Financial Habits in the New Year
No matter the challenges you face — either legally or personally — one of the best ways to boost your financial wellness in the new year is to create healthier habits. Create a budget for yourself that allows you to live the lifestyle you want while preparing for the future. Maybe you’re thinking about having children someday and want to start saving now. Maybe you know that parenthood isn’t for you but you want a comfortable retirement. Some of the best ways to save, even when you’re on a tight budget, include:
- Cutting down on excessive expenses
- Finding a side gig
- Asking for a raise at work
- Chipping away at debt
- Eating at home more often
- Adjusting your paycheck withholdings.
It’s never too soon to start planning and preparing for the future — whether you live alone, with roommates, with a partner, or with a spouse. Keep these tips in mind to overcome financial hurdles and make the most of your financial vision, this year and beyond.
Slane Irish Whiskey bottles
Whiskey has been hitting the shelves left and right lately taking up aisles and aisles. All good things if you ask me. I took a quick trip out to Atlanta for a review of Slane Irish Whiskey. I know what you’re thinking. Atlanta and Irish Whiskey? I was waiting for the connection but there wasn’t one, except for the people I met but let’s start from the beginning, shall we?
Visiting a Garden That Gives Back to the Community
The garden at A Sip of Paradise
Photo courtesy of A Sip of Paradise
The first thing on the list is to visit a place called A Sip of Paradise. This non-profit garden space caters to bartenders and people in the hospitality industry. It’s a place where everyone can gather for specific events, help maintain the garden, borrow from the garden, and create a sense of community. It’s a safe space where you can recharge the body, mind, and soul through gardening and health and wellness programs and so much more.
As the day unfolded, we learned how the garden space was created, why it was created, and how it thrives. Anyone in the hospitality industry can tell you that it is sometimes grueling hard work. It takes a toll on the body, mind, and at times, the spirit. Walking among the various plants and flowers, you get a sense of grounding. You take care of and nurture these plants so they will grow and thrive in the sultry weather. You leave your troubles behind as your focus turns to the garden, the people, and the stories they share.
As luck would have it, it poured down rain and we couldn’t go out and weed the garden. Then the rain stopped. Then it started again. Then finally, it stopped. During the rain, we huddled together under pop-up tents and shared stories and cocktails. We learned the stories of a few members and we learned how they give back to the community that has helped them along the way.
This. This is the connection. Slane Irish Whiskey (and company) is long rooted in community, music, sustainability, and a yearning for leaving the world a better place than they found it. Cliche, I know. But the work that A Sip of Paradise does on a daily basis is the same work Slane Distillery is doing. Building a legacy.
These people are more than mere bartenders, mixologists, and drink slingers. There were trailblazers and celebrities in their own right. They were are giving back. They were are making a difference. All the while making amazing cocktails.
A Sip of Paradise’s principles are easy. Come together as a community. Partake in the care of the garden space, take what you need, and give what you can.
Inside the Epicurean Hotel Atlanta
Epicurean Hotel Atlanta
Photo courtesy of Epicurean Hotel Atlanta, Autograph Collection by Marriott
I was staying in the heart of Midtown Atlanta at the Epicurean Hotel. This isn’t your typical run-of-the-mill hotel–it’s a food-themed boutique hotel. Instead of checking in at the front desk or speaking with a concierge person, you actually check in at the host desk inside the first-floor restaurant called Reverence. Upon checking in, you’re offered your choice of a complimentary beer or glass of wine. (impressed already).
Each floor is food themed. I happened to be staying on the Pinot Noir floor. Fitting I know. I have the sense that it didn’t matter what floor I was on! The room was great and wouldn’t you know, there was a bar with snacks. Not one of those tiny little minibars, but a full-on wall dedicated to all things booze. There were shelves with wine on them, spirits, and snacks. Some were complimentary so as I sipped my complimentary wine, I had some snacks as I relaxed and pretended to get some work done before meeting the group downstairs.
Reverence is the main restaurant where you not only dine and drink, but this is where I checked into my hotel. It’s an open kitchen concept with plenty of seating in and around the kitchen. Elegantly designed and decorated to make you feel right at home.
If you want a bit more casual, you can head to Aerial Kitchen and Bar situated next to the swimming pool and cabanas. Seating is like sitting in your familiar backyard and hanging out with friends. The open concept means you’re sitting outside enjoying the weather.
If you’re not quite ready for dining, you can head over to The Office Bar and cocktails. Don’t worry, if you do end up getting hungry, you can order from the eclectic menu.
Perhaps the shining jewel of the hotel would be the cooking theater. The Epicurean Theatre is built for demonstrations, teachings, or any group event where you can learn various cooking techniques.
There’s a Sky Terrance where you can take in the views of Atlanta’s skyline or just lounge around on the large lawn space taking a break from work, or perhaps you’re working remotely. It’s a perfect setting to do that.
Book Now
Cooking Demonstrations with Whiskey Pairings
Chef preparing for his cooking demonstration at the Epicurean Theatre
Photo credit of Joe Eats World
Most of the amazing people we met in the garden were attending the dinner along with a few local writers, bloggers, and fellow lovers of food. One of the Slane Irish Whiskey Ambassadors was there to give us a bit more history on Slane Distillery.
Slane Irish Whiskey is triple distilled and triple casked using virgin barrels, seasoned barrels, and sherry. Slane works on sustainability, renewable energy, and a lower carbon footprint. Toss in the whiskey, music, and oh, a rebuilt Irish Castle and you get some pretty amazing history. The castle is used for tours, weddings, and music venues. Some of the biggest names in music have either visited or played at the castle.
Our dinner was a paring of three different expressions of Slane’s whiskey. Dinner was a four-course experience where we feasted on chilled half-shell oysters, hot and sour pork belly bao buns, scallops n grits, and orange-cured summer peaches. We finished off the evening with another Slane Irish Whiskey coffee old fashioned. Honestly, I didn’t think I was going to sleep that night but curiously, it wasn’t a problem.
Having Brunch Before Heading to the Airport
The James Room entrance
Photo courtesy of Joe Eats World
The next day we set out for The James Room. Their website opens with We’re a Vibe and I have to agree. We were told about The James Room but upon arriving and walking through the glass doors, you’re taken aback because we were supposed to have cocktails and brunch with Tiffanie Barriere. Instead what I walked into was a coffee and pastry shop with a few tables to either side of me and a coffee counter directly ahead. Intriguing.
As we were talking, one of our new friends came walking through one of the side doors and asked us to follow her. Blown away doesn’t even begin to describe what happened next. You know that point in Wizard of Oz when Dorothy walks around her house after the tornado and it’s filmed in Black and White and then she opens the door and walks outside into technicolor? That’s literally what happened to me. As the door opened, another world opened up.
The room was dimly lit in a perfect way, to my left was a very long wrap-around bar and behind (or in front, depending on how you’re standing) were various seating booths with velvet and leather seats. Words of welcome and greetings came from all around as we reunited with more of our friends from the garden.
As we were waiting for brunch, we stood around with cocktails of course, and chatted about the previous day's events when we were almost rained out of gardening! Once brunch was out of the way, it was time to get busy, we were there for an Irish coffee workshop after all. Obviously, we were going to be using Slane Whiskey as the main ingredient. We received a demo of how the Irish coffee is built and then we were on our own to recreate said coffee. We all did pretty well if you ask me but then again, it was 10:30 in the morning and we were already on cocktail two or three and we were flying out in a few hours.
It was a whirlwind event. In less than 24 hours, I met some of the most amazing humans, had some amazing cocktails made from Slane Irish Whiskey of course, ate some absolutely delicious food, and at noon I was on my way back to the airport. My only regret is that the events didn’t last longer. It was definitely not enough time to explore and experience the wonders that Atlanta’s food scene and cocktail scenes have to offer. Especially that hotel. My God, that hotel.
One More Whiskey Tasting After I Return to Chicago
Irish Coffee using Slane Irish Whiskey
Photo courtesy of Joe Eats World
Fast forward a few weeks later as I’m back home in Chicago, I get invited to a dinner and whiskey tasting for Slane. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to make the dinner but I did get a chance to hang out a The Kerryman and experience blending my own whiskey and tasting even more Slane Irish Whiskey concoctions. We laughed about the rainstorm in Atlanta and talked about how amazing the people were, how good the food was, and how we went through A LOT of whiskey. One of the reps from a GlenDronach Scotch and Cheese pairing event I attended was there and we talked about how amazing everything there was.
If you’re a whiskey fan, you should do yourself a favor and pick up a bottle or 2 of Slane’s. They’re making some pretty good stuff. Even though they’re a young-ish company, they have some great things on the horizon.
This post was originally published on Joe Eats World