Last Vegas: No Pity for Old Men

Last Vegas by CBS Films, premieres this weekend. It has an all-star lineup, including Michael Douglas, Robert De Niro, Morgan Freeman, Kevin Kline, Mary Steenburgen, and Joanna Gleason. With a cast like that, what could possibly go wrong? Well, quite a few things actually. Let’s dig in, shall we?

Let’s begin with the plot. A man (Michael Douglas), about 70 or so, who has never been married has finally found the love of his life in a woman, 30 or so. He asks her to marry him at his buddy’s funeral as part of the eulogy (can you say romantic?).  He calls his buddies he grew up with in Brooklyn. They’ve stayed friends for their entire lives. Douglas’ character had thrown them their bachelor parties, and they figure it is time to return the favor. One of the buddies (Robert De Niro), you’ll find out, is a bit hesitant to join in, but after a bit of prodding, does. Morgan Freeman plays an army vet who has had to move in with his son’s family after a stroke. Kevin Kline and Joanna Gleason play a married couple who have moved to Florida and have lost their spark. Mary Steenburgen plays the gorgeous corporate attorney turned jazz singer (who knew she could really sing?!) who moved to Vegas after her divorce.

Obvious thoughts would lead you to believe that this is a “Hangover” for the older crowd. Those thoughts would be correct, except for the fact that Hangover was actually good. This movie, even though it had some high points, we have seen before. And with the caliber of actors that were there, you would have to think that the movie would have been better. But sadly, the plot was as overdone as a hamburger that fell into the flames. Vegas Bachelor Parties. Yeah. We got the memo. Drunken debauchery, pretty women, and somewhat heart-warming moments. This is a film that gives people reason to believe that Hollywood has lost all of its originality. The men in this movie have been in amazing films, played characters like God, powerful mobsters; amazing actors! The acting wasn’t the movie’s problem. It was the plot and the direction. Not even the best actors in the World, which could be debated that they had, could have turned it around.

Bright spots were few, but when they were found they would blind you. Kevin Kline delivered his jokes like a pro, because he is. My favorite lines he had were “Does Lipitor count?” and the line he says to the same person a little further down the road had the audience in stitches. But without question, the star of the movie is Mary Steenburgen. Her singing is phenomenal. Joanna Gleason is one of those actors I have loved for years, ever since I saw Into the Woods on DVD, I’ve been in love. But I don’t get to see her in much, so it was a pleasant surprise.

My biggest pet peeve of a movie is when I feel like I’m being sold something. I understand a bit of product placement is necessary for movies to be produced, however I really do not appreciate watching a two-hour commercial. Grey Goose vodka, Rolex, the Aria Hotel financed the movie, or at least it seemed that way. It was a long commercial for Las Vegas. I have always wanted to go see the city, but this was just a bit much.

All in all, if you love these actors, wait until you can Redbox it. It would be a nice night in for you and your significant other with some popcorn and wine. If you really don’t care about the actors, don’t bother. It’s not going to change your life. You could totally skip it and not miss a thing.

Rating 5/10


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