Health - Coming to Grips with Crystal Meth

The small meeting hall is full, almost all men, and the general anxiety level approaches something between last call and the bar lights coming on. The metal chairs were apparently designed to keep your mind awake and your ass asleep.
I’ve probably slept with someone in this room. Or worse. Note to self: you might be an addict if you can’t decide if his arms look familiar from the gym or from shoving a syringe in one of them at some point, you know, just as a favor.
It isn’t my first meeting but it might as well be. No one has heard the sound of my voice, since “sharing” would involve actually addressing this pack of burned-out losers. Their troubles stem from being sloppy and reckless. It’s obvious from their stories and it’s totally unlike me. I drive a nice car and have great hair.
Someone is explaining how important it is to identify our genuine feelings. Let’s see. I spent twenty minutes choosing the right tank top to wear to this freak fest and now I’m feeling pissed that no one has cruised me. Done.
“Sharing” might at least be good marketing, help me get noticed if I care to chat up somebody afterward. I begin a mental scan of my drug-related dramas, considering something to spill. Like calling up funny stories at the family picnic, but with crystal meth and paramedics involved.
My previous boyfriend once fell from the sling and cracked his head, but I got that secondhand since I was partying in the next room and was too busy to check up on him. That might rate some gasps or maybe even sympathy. Or the guy – names are a luxury a tina queen cannot afford – who liked paying me with drugs to have sex with him. That might do the trick. I wonder if barebacking is provocative enough. Probably not, I wager. Not any more.
My mind wanders off to a recurring dream and I follow it with trepidation. I’m digging up the ground with my bare hands. Mounds of dirt grow enormous beside me and I work feverishly, scooping one handful after another. I know exactly what I’m unearthing.
I find my buried treasure just as I left it. Carefully I wipe the dirt from an exposed limb, an arm, and then with more work the body reveals itself. I brush everything away from the face, my previous face. It is without tension or guilt, as opposed to the destruction evident in mine now.
I want to hold the body and weep.
“You ruined me, you arrogant asshole,” it calls out to me suddenly. I’m stunned by the words and the vindictiveness in the voice. My voice. “You told me not to worry. You said you could handle it…” I can’t speak. “You make me sick.”
The eyes are wide and the face is damp with tears. It spits the words. I can feel flecks of mud splattering me. “I trusted you and you made me a whore, Mark.”
I scramble backwards to get away, grabbing fistfuls of dirt and throwing them back on the body, covering, covering. It does little to muffle what is now screaming, half buried, furious and mournful. “Do you remember your self-respect, Mark Steven King? You destroyed it, all of it! Is the AIDS activist now a loathsome drug addict? Please let me answer for the two of us, okay? YESSS!”
My head lurches up from my private torment, and my hand is raised. In the front of the meeting someone is pointing to me, nodding, smiling helpfully.
I scan the room, and my eyes are filled with resentment for everyone there and for the very existence of this place. I hate them all.
My gaze is returned with comfortable but curious glances, as if they see something peculiar they recognize. “There you are,” they seem to be saying. “We saved that seat for you.”
I lower my hand and briefly touch my face, as if brushing something away, and then I begin to speak.
(Mark King is a longtime AIDS activist living in Ft. Lauderdale and can be reached at marksking@aol.com. For help, contact www.crystalmethanonymous.info. This article does not express the opinions of Crystal Meth Anonymous, nor is it endorsed by CMA.)

WhistlePig + Alfa Romeo F1

SHOREHAM, VT (September 13, 2023) — WhistlePig Whiskey, the leaders in independent craft whiskey, and Alfa Romeo F1 Team Stake are waving the checkered flag on a legend-worthy release that’s taking whiskey to G-Force levels. The Limited Edition PiggyBack Legends Series: Alfa Romeo F1 Team Stake Barrel is a high Rye Whiskey selected by the Alfa Romeo F1 Team Stake drivers, with barrels trialed in their wind tunnel to ensure a thrilling taste in every sip.

The third iteration in WhistlePig’s Single Barrel PiggyBack Legends Series, the Alfa Romeo F1 Team Stake Barrel is bottled at 96.77 proof, a nod to Valtteri Bottas’ racing number, 77, and the precision of racing. Inspired by Zhou Guanyu, the first Chinese F1 driver, this Rye Whiskey is finished with lychee and oolong tea. Herbal and floral notes of the oolong tea complement the herbaceous notes of WhistlePig’s signature PiggyBack 100% Rye, rounded out with a juicy tropical fruit finish and a touch of spice.

Keep readingShow less
by Spectrum Medical Care Center

Nurse Practitioner Ari Kravitz

When I started medical transition at 20 years old, it was very difficult to get the care I needed for hormone replacement therapy because there are very few providers trained in starting hormones for trans people, even though it’s very similar to the hormones that we prescribe to women in menopause or cisgender men with low testosterone.

I hope more providers get trained in LGBTQ+ healthcare, so they can support patients along their individual gender journey, and provide the info needed to make informed decisions about their body. I’ve personally seen my trans patients find hope and experience a better quality of life through hormone replacement therapy.

Keep readingShow less

Descanso Resort swimming pool and lounge area

Descanso Resort, Palm Springs' premier destination for gay men, just received Tripadvisor's highest honor, a Travelers' Choice "Best of the Best" award for 2023. Based on guests' reviews and ratings, fewer than 1% of Tripadvisor's 8 million listings around the world receive the coveted "Best of the Best" designation. Descanso ranked 12th in the top 25 small inns and hotels category in the United States. Quite an accomplishment!

Open less than two years, Descanso Resort offers gay men a relaxing and luxurious boutique hotel experience just minutes away from Palm Springs' buzziest restaurants, nightclubs, and shopping. Descanso has quickly established itself as a top destination for sophisticated gay travelers, earning hundreds of 5-star guest reviews and consistently ranking in Trapadvisor's top positions alongside brother properties Santiago Resort and Twin Palms Resort.

Keep readingShow less