Book Review: Before I Do

By Terri Schlichenmeyer, August 2017 Issue.

The box was too small for a toaster. There was no pony in there, no new car, not even a stuffed animal. The box was too small for all that, but it held so much more: dreams, ideas, happiness and congratulations! And if you’re lucky, your wise new fiancé tucked Before I Do by Elizabeth F. Schwartz in the box with your beautiful engagement ring.

So, you put a ring on it, made the proposal, and now you’ve got a wedding to plan. It’s all quite exciting, but slow down a minute. If you’ve grown up thinking that this day would never come, then you might not’ve thought about what marriage entails.

“LGBT[Q] people,” explains Schwartz, “have not lived in a world with premarital guidance for LGBT[Q] couples. We have suffered systemic exclusion …”

Just because you can be married now is no reason that you should, she points out. Yes, you’re in love, and yes, you’ve been together forever but now’s the time to be sure you know exactly what you’re in for. That starts by asking yourselves a series of difficult but important questions.

Before I Do by Elizabeth F. Schwartz, afterword by Jim Obergefell.
The New Press, 2016 | $14.95.

Once you’ve gotten that (perhaps uncomfortable) part out of the way, be sure that any past relationships are completely and legally finished and “do not create confusion with multiple statuses with multiple people.” Know what paperwork you need in order to proceed, and what questions you’ll be asked as you’re filling it out.

This pre-wedding period is a good time to talk to a financial expert, a tax consultant and a lawyer. Don’t trust word-of-mouth to protect your finances; the laws in your state may horrify you, if wedded bliss goes bust. Talk about debt: how much each of you has, and how you perceive it. Educate yourself on insurance coverage, asset protection, pre-nups and estate planning.

And if all this preparation makes you start to think that maybe marriage isn’t such a good idea after all, Schwartz says it’s OK. There are valid reasons for not taking the plunge, and there are alternatives. One of them may be a much better fit for you.

Getting engaged is such an exciting time. Putting the brakes on everything isn’t the most romantic notion, but it’s maybe the most prudent. Before I Do explains why.

Though she says her advice in this book is appropriate for anyone, Schwartz focuses more on gay and lesbian couples, as well as transgender individuals and their prospective spouses. She does so, in part, because she feels that they’ve only seen marriage “on the fringes.”

That somewhat sets this book apart from the thousands of other wedding-planner books on bookshelves; what really makes it different, however, is that Schwartz admits her no-nonsense words may talk prospective brides and grooms out of having a wedding. Truth: readers who might’ve somehow taken marriage lightly before will absolutely be convinced otherwise.

“Failure to plan has terrible consequences,” says Schwartz, and this book erases that omission. Read Before I Do, though, and rest assured that you can toast one another smarter.

Keep reading Show less

National Margarita Day

A lot of us have really picked up an interest in tequila and it's no wonder. Its popularity is soaring in the U.S. and doesn't look like it'll be slowing down any time soon. The only contender would probably be whiskey. Meh, but they have their own day. Now, it's National Margarita Day and we put together some of the best margarita recipes around so you can pick one or maybe even all of them to try.

We have a few surprises in there too. Maybe it's not all about tequila but it certainly has a theme going on. Take a look at some of these great tequila brands and start making some amazing margaritas today!

Keep reading Show less
Photo by Scott Webb on Unsplash

Gender-Inclusive Universities and Student Privacy

For many students, attending university is a profound, often life-changing, transition. It is often the student’s first time living on their own without parental supervision. This lifestyle is also accompanied by a period of self-discovery, of defining and redefining a sense of personal identity largely independent of the influence of family and friends from home.

For students who are members of the LGBTQ+ community, this rite of passage can also be a deeply empowering one. Indeed, attending university may be the student’s first real opportunity to explore their gender identity in a safe, comfortable, and accepting college.

Keep reading Show less

José Cuervo's Reserva de la Familia agave fields

Disclaimer: My trip was provided courtesy of a press trip but all opinions about the trip and events are my own. Please note there are affiliate links and at no additional cost to you, I may earn a commission if you make a purchase.

I had the opportunity to visit Mexico for an event José Cuervo was putting on, the unveiling of their premium tequila brand, Reserva de la Familia. The trip was all about tequila, how to drink it properly, how to pair it with food, and of course, visiting various points of interest in Guadalajara while tasting tequila along the way.

Keep reading Show less