Ask Francine - Rainbow Hues? Have You Lost Your Color Sense?

Missy Koonce Breaks Her Silence
I have a big fan at bar Natasha named Missy Koonce. For months she has been silent. Strangely silent, if you know Missy. This week I discovered that she?s been under doctor?s orders to rest her voice, so imagine my delight when she performed at a birthday party for Michael Lintecum, co-director of the AIDS Walk and a 50-year-old man now. Missy?s smooth, buttery voice vibrated my soul, as well as loosened two screws in my artificial knee. I pray that she and her handsome business partner J.D. Mann will join me (on their knees) and repent their sinful ways.
This trashy rag is beneath me, really. A liberal judge issued a court order requiring me to write these words as community service after my unfortunate DUI. Although I?m halfway through my sentence, I may die from exhaustion before completing my servitude.

However, today I?m a petite, youthful Christian who is suffering, like all of you, from the gaudy colors of that gay rainbow flag of yours, which we?ll be seeing everywhere for Pride weekend.

Every time I walk into Trapps or Bergamot & Ivy or that cute little shop of Dan?s, I delight in the subtle, earthy hues that are all the rage right now. You gays and lesbians create the rules of color in design that we straights have to follow, and by allowing the rainbow flag to flourish, you?re leading the world into a hellish existence. Think of those nasty little brightly hued Teletubbies that created a stir with Tinky Winky, the purple, purse-carrying monster puppet.

Here?s an example of how the rainbow flag is ruining the world: Jelly Bellies. Garish and tawdry, they?re devoured by people worldwide who completely accept their coloring. After all, if the gays fly clown-colored flags to represent their lifestyle, why would anyone question a rainbow-colored sign held by the sad little Topeka church group led by Fred Phelps? Westboro Baptist Church has followed the gay lead, too, using Rainbow Brite as their sign designer.

Now, I suppose I?m making Gilbert Baker in San Francisco mad. He designed the flag in 1978 with the current six colors plus two more: hot pink and indigo. The pink was removed when they couldn?t match his hand-dyed fluorescent color, and the indigo was removed when the gays decided that an even six colors work better than an odd seven when hanging streamers on the street. I wish I was making that up.

Last year, I prohibited Jay-Jay, my pool boy, from wearing his Pride flag Speedo at my pool. Rainbow colors should not cover your privates. He was a bit miffed, but after I let him use one of the hot pink suede bath towels from my private salle de bains, he gave me a lesson on how gays used color to secretly identify each other. In Victorian England it was green. Pink, as in triangles, was the unfortunate color in Nazi Germany. Lavender was the color in the 1960s. And during the disco era, colored handkerchiefs in a back pocket identified a favorite sin you all wanted to commit with each other. I was enamored with his lesson: Jay-Jay knows more about the history of sin than my favorite Catholic, Bishop Finn.

With all this colorful history you?re still using the rainbow flag? As Kansas City?s straight gay icon, I demand that some of you Hallmark gays use your color chart and design me a gay flag with sage and amber and crimson. As you do this, I will pray for your little souls to switch straight (as the Lord intended). I?m sweet like that, you know.

Sweet Lord, the gays have lost their touch with color. What?s next? Lesbians breaking a fingernail playing softball? Take me home now, Jesus, I pray.

WhistlePig + Alfa Romeo F1

SHOREHAM, VT (September 13, 2023) — WhistlePig Whiskey, the leaders in independent craft whiskey, and Alfa Romeo F1 Team Stake are waving the checkered flag on a legend-worthy release that’s taking whiskey to G-Force levels. The Limited Edition PiggyBack Legends Series: Alfa Romeo F1 Team Stake Barrel is a high Rye Whiskey selected by the Alfa Romeo F1 Team Stake drivers, with barrels trialed in their wind tunnel to ensure a thrilling taste in every sip.

The third iteration in WhistlePig’s Single Barrel PiggyBack Legends Series, the Alfa Romeo F1 Team Stake Barrel is bottled at 96.77 proof, a nod to Valtteri Bottas’ racing number, 77, and the precision of racing. Inspired by Zhou Guanyu, the first Chinese F1 driver, this Rye Whiskey is finished with lychee and oolong tea. Herbal and floral notes of the oolong tea complement the herbaceous notes of WhistlePig’s signature PiggyBack 100% Rye, rounded out with a juicy tropical fruit finish and a touch of spice.

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by Spectrum Medical Care Center

Nurse Practitioner Ari Kravitz

When I started medical transition at 20 years old, it was very difficult to get the care I needed for hormone replacement therapy because there are very few providers trained in starting hormones for trans people, even though it’s very similar to the hormones that we prescribe to women in menopause or cisgender men with low testosterone.

I hope more providers get trained in LGBTQ+ healthcare, so they can support patients along their individual gender journey, and provide the info needed to make informed decisions about their body. I’ve personally seen my trans patients find hope and experience a better quality of life through hormone replacement therapy.

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Descanso Resort swimming pool and lounge area

Descanso Resort, Palm Springs' premier destination for gay men, just received Tripadvisor's highest honor, a Travelers' Choice "Best of the Best" award for 2023. Based on guests' reviews and ratings, fewer than 1% of Tripadvisor's 8 million listings around the world receive the coveted "Best of the Best" designation. Descanso ranked 12th in the top 25 small inns and hotels category in the United States. Quite an accomplishment!

Open less than two years, Descanso Resort offers gay men a relaxing and luxurious boutique hotel experience just minutes away from Palm Springs' buzziest restaurants, nightclubs, and shopping. Descanso has quickly established itself as a top destination for sophisticated gay travelers, earning hundreds of 5-star guest reviews and consistently ranking in Trapadvisor's top positions alongside brother properties Santiago Resort and Twin Palms Resort.

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